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I need some help/suggestions please!
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 168289" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>I have a few suggestions - but I don't know anything that works across the board with every child. </p><p> </p><p>When she curses - the minute she does - walk away from her. Tell her after she's done that it is a SHAME that such a smart young lady can not find any better words to express herself and that you're sorry she has no SELF RESPECT in continuing to use words like she does. Tell her they aren't getting a rise out of you anymore - and you thought she was brighter than to use the same words over and over - then let it go. When she curses again - since our kids are largely narcissistic and do not learn by repetition - just look at her again and walk away saying "Your lack of self respect is just so sad." or "There's no way you can respect yourself and continue to use language like that." then walk away. Ask her if she even HEARS how ignorant and uneducated she sounds. THAT stopped Dude cold. He didnt' like to be ignorant or uneducated sounding. </p><p> </p><p>By walking away - you are telling her that you dont' care to hear her conversation if she's using inappropriate words. These kids are angry and want to be heard and fell like most people who swear constantly that they will really drive home their point with those words. To change that mind set I think you have to constantly bombard them with sayings like "Your lack or self respect is pityful, I didn't know you felt so ugly inside." and things of that nature. You're using reverse psychology on them AND walking away. </p><p> </p><p>Next would be to use substitute words and rewards. This involves her learning a new, more respectable to HERSELF (again narcissistic rules) words - like sugar etc. If she uses those words in a sentence tell her for the 1st week every time she uses an ALTERNATIVE word - she gets a dime - every time she slips and uses a Negative, self -degrading word, she gives YOU the dime. Try that for a couple weeks - and eventually wean her down to a nickle - and then in a few months it becomes HABIT - and for ever conversation she has anger and does not use self-degrading words - you give her A DOLLAR. </p><p> </p><p>The BEST thing that has worked with Dude was SHOCK AND AWE - Every time we heard a curse word - EVERYONE in our house stopped what they were doing, we shut off the TV, we turned off the radio, stopped working, closed our books and everyone came into the room and the self-degrading word was spelled out - and every one was just silent - this worked awesome in church - then everyone just hugged him because they said if he was THAT angry to use THAT word - he must need LOVE. It eventually has gotten to the point that if he does slip he will say "I'm sorry." and now I say - I'm sorry you're so angry that you continue to use self- degrading words or I ignore it. </p><p> </p><p>The funniest thing we ever did was have the F'ing, S***, DAM* conversation - with the B*#&^ and BAS$#$&#37; thrown in for "dramatic effect". DF and I took one entire day to use expletives and cuss words in every day language in front of Dude - the rule was - NO conversation could be had in the house without using at least 5 cuss words. From the Morning to the night - and Dude got to hear what it sounded like from 2 people who did not curse or cuss. </p><p> </p><p>Like the day started out in the hall - F'ing goodmoring you #@(_@( Bas"KLERJ....Yeah YOU F#iNg BALKNG well Good FING morning to you too....and on it went. </p><p> </p><p>By the end of the day Dude was covering his ears and saying "OKAY ALRIGHT ALREADY - STOP, PLEASE." and without missing a beat DF looked at him and said "WHY THE F should WE Fing STop Fing CUSSING? TO Fing makd YOU Fing HAPpy?" </p><p> </p><p>- at that point everyone laughed and we explained that WHILE ANYONE can cuss - it's self-degrading to do it all the time. It makes you sound ignorant and uneducated. And THAT was the ticket for dude</p><p> </p><p>Hope something in here Helps.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 168289, member: 4964"] I have a few suggestions - but I don't know anything that works across the board with every child. When she curses - the minute she does - walk away from her. Tell her after she's done that it is a SHAME that such a smart young lady can not find any better words to express herself and that you're sorry she has no SELF RESPECT in continuing to use words like she does. Tell her they aren't getting a rise out of you anymore - and you thought she was brighter than to use the same words over and over - then let it go. When she curses again - since our kids are largely narcissistic and do not learn by repetition - just look at her again and walk away saying "Your lack of self respect is just so sad." or "There's no way you can respect yourself and continue to use language like that." then walk away. Ask her if she even HEARS how ignorant and uneducated she sounds. THAT stopped Dude cold. He didnt' like to be ignorant or uneducated sounding. By walking away - you are telling her that you dont' care to hear her conversation if she's using inappropriate words. These kids are angry and want to be heard and fell like most people who swear constantly that they will really drive home their point with those words. To change that mind set I think you have to constantly bombard them with sayings like "Your lack or self respect is pityful, I didn't know you felt so ugly inside." and things of that nature. You're using reverse psychology on them AND walking away. Next would be to use substitute words and rewards. This involves her learning a new, more respectable to HERSELF (again narcissistic rules) words - like sugar etc. If she uses those words in a sentence tell her for the 1st week every time she uses an ALTERNATIVE word - she gets a dime - every time she slips and uses a Negative, self -degrading word, she gives YOU the dime. Try that for a couple weeks - and eventually wean her down to a nickle - and then in a few months it becomes HABIT - and for ever conversation she has anger and does not use self-degrading words - you give her A DOLLAR. The BEST thing that has worked with Dude was SHOCK AND AWE - Every time we heard a curse word - EVERYONE in our house stopped what they were doing, we shut off the TV, we turned off the radio, stopped working, closed our books and everyone came into the room and the self-degrading word was spelled out - and every one was just silent - this worked awesome in church - then everyone just hugged him because they said if he was THAT angry to use THAT word - he must need LOVE. It eventually has gotten to the point that if he does slip he will say "I'm sorry." and now I say - I'm sorry you're so angry that you continue to use self- degrading words or I ignore it. The funniest thing we ever did was have the F'ing, S***, DAM* conversation - with the B*#&^ and BAS$#$% thrown in for "dramatic effect". DF and I took one entire day to use expletives and cuss words in every day language in front of Dude - the rule was - NO conversation could be had in the house without using at least 5 cuss words. From the Morning to the night - and Dude got to hear what it sounded like from 2 people who did not curse or cuss. Like the day started out in the hall - F'ing goodmoring you #@(_@( Bas"KLERJ....Yeah YOU F#iNg BALKNG well Good FING morning to you too....and on it went. By the end of the day Dude was covering his ears and saying "OKAY ALRIGHT ALREADY - STOP, PLEASE." and without missing a beat DF looked at him and said "WHY THE F should WE Fing STop Fing CUSSING? TO Fing makd YOU Fing HAPpy?" - at that point everyone laughed and we explained that WHILE ANYONE can cuss - it's self-degrading to do it all the time. It makes you sound ignorant and uneducated. And THAT was the ticket for dude Hope something in here Helps. [/QUOTE]
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