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<blockquote data-quote="BloodiedButUnbowed" data-source="post: 713880" data-attributes="member: 13303"><p>Although it is hard to believe I ever had a life before my current marriage and stepsons, the truth is, my "previous life" lasted for nearly eleven years. When it ended, I literally was reborn into the person I am today. All of my false beliefs and dysfunctional behaviors were exposed, and I was freed from them to be a healthier person.</p><p></p><p>As painful as it was I would not trade any of it for a moment. I believe it was meant to happen.</p><p></p><p>When I was 44 years old my then-partner (not legally married, same sex marriage wasn't legal in our state or nationally at that time) turned 40 and hurtled into what I can only describe as a midlife crisis, complicated by many other factors as well. Over a three year period she slowly distanced herself from me and our relationship. Eventually, in 2013, she left me, moved across the country and switched her sexual orientation.</p><p></p><p>I have never hurt so bad in my entire life. Even the sudden, unexpected death of my father wasn't as painful. If my ex had actually died, it would have hurt less because it wouldn't have been a rejection of me the way her leaving was.</p><p></p><p>Al-Anon, ACOA and Codependents Anonymous meetings helped me to heal by not only providing me with a social network of supportive, loving people which I so desperately needed at that time, but also by giving me the tools I needed to explore my role in the dysfunctional relationship and STOP behaving similarly in the future.</p><p></p><p>I met my now-wife later that same year along with my stepsons. Oddly enough I honestly believe I had a premonition about the kids, because I "saw" myself, in my daydreams, talking to two boys about me and their mom! </p><p></p><p>I am happier now than I have ever been. At the time of my ex's departure, though, I saw myself as a lonely and abandoned spinster who would never know love again. I think it's very normal to have these thoughts and fears, especially if like you and me both, we've made the same mistakes umpteen million times. </p><p></p><p>You ARE worthy. You ARE deserving of love. If you haven't tried the fellowships I mentioned above, I highly recommend them. I made wonderful friends there as well as learning a lot about myself.</p><p></p><p>Your picker is broken, but you aren't. If you want to love again I have no doubt you will have the opportunity.</p><p></p><p>All the best to you. It does get better!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BloodiedButUnbowed, post: 713880, member: 13303"] Although it is hard to believe I ever had a life before my current marriage and stepsons, the truth is, my "previous life" lasted for nearly eleven years. When it ended, I literally was reborn into the person I am today. All of my false beliefs and dysfunctional behaviors were exposed, and I was freed from them to be a healthier person. As painful as it was I would not trade any of it for a moment. I believe it was meant to happen. When I was 44 years old my then-partner (not legally married, same sex marriage wasn't legal in our state or nationally at that time) turned 40 and hurtled into what I can only describe as a midlife crisis, complicated by many other factors as well. Over a three year period she slowly distanced herself from me and our relationship. Eventually, in 2013, she left me, moved across the country and switched her sexual orientation. I have never hurt so bad in my entire life. Even the sudden, unexpected death of my father wasn't as painful. If my ex had actually died, it would have hurt less because it wouldn't have been a rejection of me the way her leaving was. Al-Anon, ACOA and Codependents Anonymous meetings helped me to heal by not only providing me with a social network of supportive, loving people which I so desperately needed at that time, but also by giving me the tools I needed to explore my role in the dysfunctional relationship and STOP behaving similarly in the future. I met my now-wife later that same year along with my stepsons. Oddly enough I honestly believe I had a premonition about the kids, because I "saw" myself, in my daydreams, talking to two boys about me and their mom! I am happier now than I have ever been. At the time of my ex's departure, though, I saw myself as a lonely and abandoned spinster who would never know love again. I think it's very normal to have these thoughts and fears, especially if like you and me both, we've made the same mistakes umpteen million times. You ARE worthy. You ARE deserving of love. If you haven't tried the fellowships I mentioned above, I highly recommend them. I made wonderful friends there as well as learning a lot about myself. Your picker is broken, but you aren't. If you want to love again I have no doubt you will have the opportunity. All the best to you. It does get better! [/QUOTE]
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