My son is 19. He is smart, athletic, handsome, has many friends and lives in a beautiful neighborhood. Im a yoga instructor and my husband is a middle school math teacher at the middle school my son went too. I had kids late 38 and 39. I worked in a career and left my career to be a stay at home mom. My second son has Down Syndrome. First son has had amazing athletic ability. Never liked to practice and it was always an argument. Everything was an argument, studying, practicing, going to family functions, following curfew - ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING. He started using marijuana in 8th grade. He would sneak, we caught him. In high school he made state in track, swimming and football as a freshman but he argued with coaches, teaches and us. He eventually got kicked off swimming and quit football. Whatever, we did not expect him to play - the coaches wanted him on the teams. He is also very smart but stopped trying freshman year in high school even though he did make national honor society 4 straight years. Sophmore year he snuck out with some boys and got into a car accident. He was pretty scratched up. The police brought him home at 3am. We grounded him, took his phone - had consequences. None of the other boys had consequences so my son was ANGRY. The next year he was smoking marijuana in his room - we called the police to scare him - it didnt phase him. He kept bringing drugs into our home and car - when that was basically our only rule (its illegal in our state). Then one day a teacher called and said he was high at school and disrespectful. We tried to ground him but he ran away for a night. We had no idea where he was. He came home the next day crying. We moved on. Then Junior year he wasn't getting what he wanted so he said he was going to jump off a building and kill himself. The police found him getting high with a friend and put him in the locked mental health unit for evaluation. He stayed there 5 days and they said he had anxiety due to excessive marijuana use. He was ordered to go to outpatient therapy. I haven't mentioned that everyday he was high, he would not go to work, treated us disrespectfully about EVERYTHING. He brought constant tension into the house. There was no remorse for any of the horrible things he said to us daily. Next year he came home so high he was slurring - it was different. When he went to school I searched his room and found opiods and more marijuana. When we talked about it when he got home he assaulted my husband and I. Threw a punch at me and wrestled with his father - tore the door off and threw a huge heater at us. We called the police and he was taken away back to the mental health unit. He told the ER nurse he was going to stab my husband with a kitchen knife when he got home. Once again, after an evaluation they said Oppositional Defiance Disorder due to excessive marijuana use. He was put on probation and drug tested every month. He was clean and was actually a pretty nice kid - still disrespectful but better. We overheard him bragging to his friend about assaulting us. As soon as he was off probation he started using again and drinking cause he was pledging a fraternity. The college is 3 miles from our house. He got in and was drinking quite a bit. He was a lifeguard but went to work and quite honestly we could not wait for him to leave for college. We were hoping for a fresh start. Well he pretty much failed college, got kicked out of the fraternity. He was partying constantly. He begged us to live at home second semester WITH A FRIEND WHO ALSO GOT KICKED OUT and we said yes if you follow the rules which of course he did not. It was so hard having a stranger in the house and my son would basically stay up all night and sleep all day and ASK US TO HELP WITH HIS COLLEGE HOMEWORK. Finally May 2022 the friend moved home and my son and his girlfriend of 3 years broke up with him due to his verbal abuse and just behavior. He went out and got a DUI - evading police, minor in possession, fake ID, and speeding, and reckless driving. Police woke us up again at 1 am but this time he went to jail. Adult jail for a night. We decided we were done. We told him he had to leave. He has no car till 12/22, we are not paying for college, he can figure out where to go - WE WERE DONE. He left to stay with a friend - I cried for 6 weeks. We had to stop enabling him. We gave him everything and all he does is party. So a week ago, his friend went back to college, all the friends did but him. He asked us to move back in so he can figure it out and we said NO. Our house has been peaceful. He has put the guilt trip on and said "you cannot even help your son?" Ive been a wreck again. He rode his bike to lifeguarding but now the pool is closed and he is literally sleeping in his friends room ALL DAY LONG. He has no car and said he wanted me to help him find an apartment and he would help around the house if we let him move back in for 6 weeks. He has never helped around the house - we said no. 4 years of this crap and he still tells us he doesnt believe in stuff we believe - hes opposite of us. We want him to be happy and treat others nicely. Neither one is happening. Please tell me we are doing the right thing!