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<blockquote data-quote="Nandina" data-source="post: 762706" data-attributes="member: 23742"><p>Hi YogiLori and welcome. Sorry you have to be here but you are in the right place for getting support and understanding. It is SO HARD but yes, I believe you have done the right thing by not allowing your son back into your home.</p><p></p><p>Your story sounds almost identical to mine as far as the behavior, disrespect, drug use, only my son never had the desire to go to college and left home while he was a senior in high school. He just couldn’t stand trying to abide by our rules. We have not let him back in since then. He is now 21.</p><p></p><p>We finally have peace in our home, have patched all the doors and walls he smashed, and completely remade his former bedroom into a nice guest room. He has at times been homeless on the streets and seems to embrace that lifestyle because he can get high whenever he wants and party all the time. He currently lives in another state with his birth family, (from whose home he was removed at age 2), not the best option because they are a drug using bunch and in my opinion, lack basic intelligence and common sense. But he seems to fit in with them.</p><p></p><p>He recently spent time in jail for a felony he committed under the influence of meth, and he is now on probation for three years. After he failed drug treatment three times we have decided to disengage from him for awhile. We have wasted thousands of dollars and countless hours of working to help him only to have him get kicked out of every treatment place for just being disagreeable and never making any effort to work the program.</p><p></p><p>We know we have done the right thing for us. We couldn’t continue to live with the threats, violence, drug use, disrespect and just total chaos that he brought to our home. We deserve to live a life with peace and dignity.</p><p></p><p>The hard part is just being consistent and sticking to it. It hurts. You feel guilty. You think that this thing or that thing will help them but until they decide to change, nothing will. We’re tired of wasting time and money on someone who doesn’t appreciate a damn thing we have done for him. Maybe someday he will, but that time has not arrived yet, so in the meantime, I will work on myself, trying to find some semblance of happiness even as my son is breaking my heart. I too, cried for many weeks but it does get easier as time goes on.</p><p></p><p>It helps so much to have the support of this forum. Many members here recommend Al anon and other organizations that provide support for parents of kids like ours. Therapy helps as well. Just keep telling yourself that what you have done for your son has not helped him and that you deserve to live a life with peace and dignity. These kids steal that from us and I won’t let it happen anymore. I love my son, but I also love him enough to let him live the consequences of his (poor) choices and perhaps experience some growth along the way. It certainly wasn’t happening with our “help.”</p><p></p><p>I hope you’ll continue to post here. It really helps. We get it. No judgment, just support and understanding. Do things for yourself that bring you peace and comfort. Music, meditation, taking long walks, reading a good book, whatever lifts your spirit. And get rid of guilt. It’s hard but you can do it. Many of us have. And yes, we all have occasional moments of sadness or guilt but we don’t let them control us. Let them pass and move on. It gets easier with time.</p><p></p><p>Hugs to you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nandina, post: 762706, member: 23742"] Hi YogiLori and welcome. Sorry you have to be here but you are in the right place for getting support and understanding. It is SO HARD but yes, I believe you have done the right thing by not allowing your son back into your home. Your story sounds almost identical to mine as far as the behavior, disrespect, drug use, only my son never had the desire to go to college and left home while he was a senior in high school. He just couldn’t stand trying to abide by our rules. We have not let him back in since then. He is now 21. We finally have peace in our home, have patched all the doors and walls he smashed, and completely remade his former bedroom into a nice guest room. He has at times been homeless on the streets and seems to embrace that lifestyle because he can get high whenever he wants and party all the time. He currently lives in another state with his birth family, (from whose home he was removed at age 2), not the best option because they are a drug using bunch and in my opinion, lack basic intelligence and common sense. But he seems to fit in with them. He recently spent time in jail for a felony he committed under the influence of meth, and he is now on probation for three years. After he failed drug treatment three times we have decided to disengage from him for awhile. We have wasted thousands of dollars and countless hours of working to help him only to have him get kicked out of every treatment place for just being disagreeable and never making any effort to work the program. We know we have done the right thing for us. We couldn’t continue to live with the threats, violence, drug use, disrespect and just total chaos that he brought to our home. We deserve to live a life with peace and dignity. The hard part is just being consistent and sticking to it. It hurts. You feel guilty. You think that this thing or that thing will help them but until they decide to change, nothing will. We’re tired of wasting time and money on someone who doesn’t appreciate a damn thing we have done for him. Maybe someday he will, but that time has not arrived yet, so in the meantime, I will work on myself, trying to find some semblance of happiness even as my son is breaking my heart. I too, cried for many weeks but it does get easier as time goes on. It helps so much to have the support of this forum. Many members here recommend Al anon and other organizations that provide support for parents of kids like ours. Therapy helps as well. Just keep telling yourself that what you have done for your son has not helped him and that you deserve to live a life with peace and dignity. These kids steal that from us and I won’t let it happen anymore. I love my son, but I also love him enough to let him live the consequences of his (poor) choices and perhaps experience some growth along the way. It certainly wasn’t happening with our “help.” I hope you’ll continue to post here. It really helps. We get it. No judgment, just support and understanding. Do things for yourself that bring you peace and comfort. Music, meditation, taking long walks, reading a good book, whatever lifts your spirit. And get rid of guilt. It’s hard but you can do it. Many of us have. And yes, we all have occasional moments of sadness or guilt but we don’t let them control us. Let them pass and move on. It gets easier with time. Hugs to you. [/QUOTE]
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