Thank you so much. Your message, I felt it directly in my heart. It does cause physical pain and mental and emotional preoccupation. Every minute I have my son on the brain. What is he doing? How will he figure it out? I can 100% say we have been patient, completely generous with all the resources, tolerated him being high most of the time, warning him of driving under the influence.....nothing matters. I woke up this morning and did have a slight feeling of letting go. I remember when he assaulted us. It was crazy and unbelievable. It was at that time I began the letting go. In our state kids are minors until 19 so we had to be responsible for him for another year and a half. I truly thought in college he would figure it out. He doesn't want to get better. He does not want to see how awful he has treated everyone in his life. We have suffered. He can fake being nice to us for about 30 minutes to an hour when he is manipulating or asking us for something. Now that I have this space.....I see how I have jumped through hoops, been the recipient of his abuse, and he has gotten in between my husband and me so many times. UGH - this part of motherhood is very difficult. Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me. Your title, brokeninside - that is how I feel. You want everything for your kids and when they are addicted, mean, and unmotivated - it is very scary. I bought the NarAnon books and I will join and do the work. I must let go and keep letting go over and over again. I am so grateful I found this website - I have never heard about it and I thank you for responding. I wish a group of us could get together and meet and talk and support in person. This is the next best thing! I wish the best for your son. I do understand the entitlement attitude. My son has that 2000%. He will actually say I am going to be a millionaire and not work very hard (omg) I will keep taking one day at a time. Blessings 
