Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
I need support
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Nandina" data-source="post: 762723" data-attributes="member: 23742"><p>YogiLori, you have done all the right things—you have refused at last to put up with your son’s chaos and disrespect. You have sought dignity and peace in your home. On the practical side you are able to see that you don’t deserve this and will no longer tolerate it.</p><p></p><p>But on the mom’s loving heart side, let’s face it—it does not feel natural to boot your kid out of the house when you know they’re not ready to live on their own. But should you put up with abuse in the meantime? Of course not.</p><p></p><p>It is so hard, especially at first, because you are grieving the loss of the son you had, or thought you had, and love so much. All the expectations you had for him or perhaps plans he had for himself are gone at least for now.</p><p></p><p>When I went through it three years ago, it felt like grieving a death in the family. For several weeks I didn’t participate in activities with the family or anyone, I was so depressed. I cried all the time, still do occasionally, but it passes. At that time I didn’t know about this website, so had no support and truly felt alone. I even had a friend (not a mother) ask me why was I crying, my son was a lot of trouble, wasn’t he? (then I “went off” on her!)</p><p></p><p>Most of us here are mothers, and we get it. We know how hard it is to detach—probably the hardest thing many of us have ever had to do—but you can get through this and come out the other side, whole and with your self-respect intact. You can experience happiness or moments of joy even though your son is not living the life you would have wanted for him. And he could still change. Your son is very young and has some growing up to do.</p><p></p><p>It will take time, but keep reading and using the tools you have acquired so far, continue to post here, pray, meditate or whatever helps you get through the day. Just like with other forms of grief, it gets easier with time.</p><p></p><p>And in the meantime, you have insisted that your son treat you with respect if there is to be a relationship with him. It will be up to him to follow through on that. Change is hard for these kids, especially when the pull of drugs is so strong, but I hope you won’t back down. Stay strong. You are doing everything right.</p><p></p><p>Sending love and hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nandina, post: 762723, member: 23742"] YogiLori, you have done all the right things—you have refused at last to put up with your son’s chaos and disrespect. You have sought dignity and peace in your home. On the practical side you are able to see that you don’t deserve this and will no longer tolerate it. But on the mom’s loving heart side, let’s face it—it does not feel natural to boot your kid out of the house when you know they’re not ready to live on their own. But should you put up with abuse in the meantime? Of course not. It is so hard, especially at first, because you are grieving the loss of the son you had, or thought you had, and love so much. All the expectations you had for him or perhaps plans he had for himself are gone at least for now. When I went through it three years ago, it felt like grieving a death in the family. For several weeks I didn’t participate in activities with the family or anyone, I was so depressed. I cried all the time, still do occasionally, but it passes. At that time I didn’t know about this website, so had no support and truly felt alone. I even had a friend (not a mother) ask me why was I crying, my son was a lot of trouble, wasn’t he? (then I “went off” on her!) Most of us here are mothers, and we get it. We know how hard it is to detach—probably the hardest thing many of us have ever had to do—but you can get through this and come out the other side, whole and with your self-respect intact. You can experience happiness or moments of joy even though your son is not living the life you would have wanted for him. And he could still change. Your son is very young and has some growing up to do. It will take time, but keep reading and using the tools you have acquired so far, continue to post here, pray, meditate or whatever helps you get through the day. Just like with other forms of grief, it gets easier with time. And in the meantime, you have insisted that your son treat you with respect if there is to be a relationship with him. It will be up to him to follow through on that. Change is hard for these kids, especially when the pull of drugs is so strong, but I hope you won’t back down. Stay strong. You are doing everything right. Sending love and hugs. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
I need support
Top