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<blockquote data-quote="Nandina" data-source="post: 762736" data-attributes="member: 23742"><p>Lori, first of all, is that your son’s real name you are using? Most of us use pseudonyms to maintain anonymity.</p><p></p><p>We are no better parents than you, just have been around the block a little longer, so to speak. I had to change my entire parenting style to parent my son, who sounds a lot like your boy. He had no motivation except to get in trouble, hang out with druggies, was very immature for his age and didn’t ever take responsibility for <strong>anything.</strong></p><p></p><p>The violence started with the onset of puberty, with holes being punched in walls and doors, breaking things, police being called, juvenile court involved and me being a nervous wreck, so once he became an adult, we had to remove him from our home for the sake of our sanity and safety. He was getting in my face and threatening me, acting more vicious when my husband wasn’t around—really taking advantage of my weakness. He actually chose to leave on his own because of the pull of marijuana which he had just discovered. But we told him he couldn’t live here ever again. It hurt like heck but it was a relief from all the chaos and violence. We can’t possibly go back to the way it was. </p><p></p><p>Your son has got to know that he is going to end up homeless by not doing what is expected of him or making any effort to take responsibility for himself. He’s a smart kid, right? Got accepted to college? Sometimes they have to hit rock bottom to turn things around. Or not. I’ll be honest—I don’t know if my son has a rock bottom. You’d think it would have been jail, but even the possibility of returning there did not stop him from walking away from his third drug treatment program in two years.</p><p></p><p>Yes, this is very, very hard. But you can get through it. He will find his way. These kids are incredibly resourceful even as they continue to stay high. He is probably stronger than you think. But one thing that concerns me is that he is driving a wedge between you and your husband. My husband got tired of hearing about it as well and we had more arguments than I care to admit about how to deal with our son. Don’t let him ruin your marriage or disrupt the peace of your other child.</p><p></p><p>Hugs and stay strong.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nandina, post: 762736, member: 23742"] Lori, first of all, is that your son’s real name you are using? Most of us use pseudonyms to maintain anonymity. We are no better parents than you, just have been around the block a little longer, so to speak. I had to change my entire parenting style to parent my son, who sounds a lot like your boy. He had no motivation except to get in trouble, hang out with druggies, was very immature for his age and didn’t ever take responsibility for [B]anything.[/B] The violence started with the onset of puberty, with holes being punched in walls and doors, breaking things, police being called, juvenile court involved and me being a nervous wreck, so once he became an adult, we had to remove him from our home for the sake of our sanity and safety. He was getting in my face and threatening me, acting more vicious when my husband wasn’t around—really taking advantage of my weakness. He actually chose to leave on his own because of the pull of marijuana which he had just discovered. But we told him he couldn’t live here ever again. It hurt like heck but it was a relief from all the chaos and violence. We can’t possibly go back to the way it was. Your son has got to know that he is going to end up homeless by not doing what is expected of him or making any effort to take responsibility for himself. He’s a smart kid, right? Got accepted to college? Sometimes they have to hit rock bottom to turn things around. Or not. I’ll be honest—I don’t know if my son has a rock bottom. You’d think it would have been jail, but even the possibility of returning there did not stop him from walking away from his third drug treatment program in two years. Yes, this is very, very hard. But you can get through it. He will find his way. These kids are incredibly resourceful even as they continue to stay high. He is probably stronger than you think. But one thing that concerns me is that he is driving a wedge between you and your husband. My husband got tired of hearing about it as well and we had more arguments than I care to admit about how to deal with our son. Don’t let him ruin your marriage or disrupt the peace of your other child. Hugs and stay strong. [/QUOTE]
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