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I need to get up the guts to tell someone something ...
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 401244" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I think the parents need to know, and it sounds to me that A is using force of will to lead people. </p><p></p><p>He doesn't really sound Aspie to me - bipolar possibly, in a manic phase. I have a friend, my former cleaner, who this sounds very much like. My friend is older and wiser (never thought I'd say that about him!) but otherwise can't organise things well and is quite unrealistic in how he does things. I'm on a committee with him at the moment and sometimes want to choke him. He is, however, fairly honest (unless its his own hide he is trying to protect).</p><p></p><p>What if you go to the parents and say, "I am concerned that the wonderful ministry you set up could be in jeopardy. I haven't herd too much detail, but it does seem A was unable to really manage in practical terms." The first issues to mention would be his request for the team to stay up and pray all night as a priority, when the practical ones knew this would be a mistake.</p><p></p><p>While I personally do not feel the need to fast or to do anything to excess physically, I do know some who follow that path. And they have rules they follow, which include what physical activity and other tasks they have to do at the same time. For example, you don't fast at a time when there are likely to be a lot of other expectations of you physically. So even in terms of those who practice fasting and prayer vigils for religious reasons, what he is doing seems uncontrolled, unmanaged and not really thought through.</p><p></p><p>Spirituality is a personal thing and it is understandable for parents to value a child who has a strong belief system. However, I have also seen similar over-strong belief and odd practices in people who are mentally unstable. In a way, the clinging to religion in those people (not in every case, so don't flame me!) has been a symptom of something darker. Such as, I think in part, my friend. He send out an email last week outlining his current belief system. It was inappropriate and also very garbled. However, when we met at our meeting a few days later, he seemed together and fairly stable. Not functioning in practical ways really, but stable.</p><p></p><p>A point to make to all members of the youth team - what everyone did should be transparent. If A feels it was right for him to have that money to pay for stuff they needed to get there, then of course A should have no trouble with his parents knowing the full circumstances. it is commonplace for funds raised for an organisation to be at least partly used to pay for administration. So if there is no problem, if he did nothing wrong, then of course it needs to be declared as administrative expenses and logged as such. If A is not allowing this, then that is wrong and also not in accord with the organisation's premise.</p><p></p><p>Terry, talk to your daughter, tell her how you feel and why. Tell her you are concerned that his behaviour was so disorganised that he wasted resources which should have gone to where it was needed. Use the point I made, about the need for transparency if what A did was OK. And remind her - if it is NOT transparent, if A is trying to insist on secrecy, then that is a lie and one little lie can compound and destroy all the good work and wonderful effort of all the people who have contributed over the years.</p><p></p><p>it is not in the organisation's interests for A to continue on unchecked and unsupervised. Also, it as his first trip unchaperoned and unsupported - where is the debrief?</p><p></p><p>I hope you can resolve this one. But I have been in situations where an organisation I previously worked hard for, began to fall apart (similar reasons) and although I tried to save it, it was not possible while there was an atmosphere of secrecy and deceit. Finally I had to walk away.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 401244, member: 1991"] I think the parents need to know, and it sounds to me that A is using force of will to lead people. He doesn't really sound Aspie to me - bipolar possibly, in a manic phase. I have a friend, my former cleaner, who this sounds very much like. My friend is older and wiser (never thought I'd say that about him!) but otherwise can't organise things well and is quite unrealistic in how he does things. I'm on a committee with him at the moment and sometimes want to choke him. He is, however, fairly honest (unless its his own hide he is trying to protect). What if you go to the parents and say, "I am concerned that the wonderful ministry you set up could be in jeopardy. I haven't herd too much detail, but it does seem A was unable to really manage in practical terms." The first issues to mention would be his request for the team to stay up and pray all night as a priority, when the practical ones knew this would be a mistake. While I personally do not feel the need to fast or to do anything to excess physically, I do know some who follow that path. And they have rules they follow, which include what physical activity and other tasks they have to do at the same time. For example, you don't fast at a time when there are likely to be a lot of other expectations of you physically. So even in terms of those who practice fasting and prayer vigils for religious reasons, what he is doing seems uncontrolled, unmanaged and not really thought through. Spirituality is a personal thing and it is understandable for parents to value a child who has a strong belief system. However, I have also seen similar over-strong belief and odd practices in people who are mentally unstable. In a way, the clinging to religion in those people (not in every case, so don't flame me!) has been a symptom of something darker. Such as, I think in part, my friend. He send out an email last week outlining his current belief system. It was inappropriate and also very garbled. However, when we met at our meeting a few days later, he seemed together and fairly stable. Not functioning in practical ways really, but stable. A point to make to all members of the youth team - what everyone did should be transparent. If A feels it was right for him to have that money to pay for stuff they needed to get there, then of course A should have no trouble with his parents knowing the full circumstances. it is commonplace for funds raised for an organisation to be at least partly used to pay for administration. So if there is no problem, if he did nothing wrong, then of course it needs to be declared as administrative expenses and logged as such. If A is not allowing this, then that is wrong and also not in accord with the organisation's premise. Terry, talk to your daughter, tell her how you feel and why. Tell her you are concerned that his behaviour was so disorganised that he wasted resources which should have gone to where it was needed. Use the point I made, about the need for transparency if what A did was OK. And remind her - if it is NOT transparent, if A is trying to insist on secrecy, then that is a lie and one little lie can compound and destroy all the good work and wonderful effort of all the people who have contributed over the years. it is not in the organisation's interests for A to continue on unchecked and unsupervised. Also, it as his first trip unchaperoned and unsupported - where is the debrief? I hope you can resolve this one. But I have been in situations where an organisation I previously worked hard for, began to fall apart (similar reasons) and although I tried to save it, it was not possible while there was an atmosphere of secrecy and deceit. Finally I had to walk away. Marg [/QUOTE]
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