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I need to get up the guts to tell someone something ...
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 401636" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>If it does no good to talk to the parents, go to the church elders. Again, push the need for transparency and honesty. In the future, if they won't revisit the past. "What can we learn from this?" is the way to go.</p><p></p><p>Be prepared for the parents to react with hostility and cover-up. I really do think you need a church elder (or more) on board ahead of time, because if you go to them afterwards, the parents may get to them first and accuse you of making things up. Or worse, accuse your daughter of trying to besmirch the reputation of a lovely, spiritual young man perhaps to promote herself as the chosen leader next time.</p><p></p><p>it's sad, but people will do this if they feel they or a family member is in danger.</p><p></p><p>I actually discussed this at our church on Sunday, got a few opinions. Of course, there was not the issue of a church family being in the firing line, so it was probably easier to pontificate when they did not have to make any hard decisions. But the advice I got was, "Don't allow bad secrets - they poison the good deeds of others."</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 401636, member: 1991"] If it does no good to talk to the parents, go to the church elders. Again, push the need for transparency and honesty. In the future, if they won't revisit the past. "What can we learn from this?" is the way to go. Be prepared for the parents to react with hostility and cover-up. I really do think you need a church elder (or more) on board ahead of time, because if you go to them afterwards, the parents may get to them first and accuse you of making things up. Or worse, accuse your daughter of trying to besmirch the reputation of a lovely, spiritual young man perhaps to promote herself as the chosen leader next time. it's sad, but people will do this if they feel they or a family member is in danger. I actually discussed this at our church on Sunday, got a few opinions. Of course, there was not the issue of a church family being in the firing line, so it was probably easier to pontificate when they did not have to make any hard decisions. But the advice I got was, "Don't allow bad secrets - they poison the good deeds of others." Marg [/QUOTE]
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