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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 320183" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>Hi, Steely! You're in a slump, huh? WEll, you know you still have friends here and I'm glad you are staying in contact and reaching out when you feel this way. This single mom stereotype hoovers. I have gotten the same treatment before- one therapist didn't even know us yet and said "the first thing he has to do when it's a single mom with a son is to break the incestuous emotional relationship they have with each other". We won't get into how well I reacted to that one. LOL! Let's just say difficult child had to leave the room for a VERY heated discussion to take place. Needless to say, it was the last time we ever saw him.</p><p></p><p>I feel like I can't offer all the words of wisdom that I wish I could and find myself always telling you to just hang in there. The only thing that seems to work for me is writing letters to these people- they start out as drafts with me venting about everything they are doing or saying that is royally ticking me off and why. Then, after a few days they get "tailored" to convey what I want to say more rationally and less emotionally. Sometimes they get mailed and sometimes they don't. Either way, I find it very therapeutic and sometimes it helps me a lot to see how I might be coming across to the other person. At the same time, I try to make sure that I am contacting others who have NOT given me the same stereotype. What I'm finding is that this keeps me from staying consumed with only the people who are not on the same wavelength as me (the "negative"- not that they have to be in agreement with me, but we have to be on enough of a wavelength to communicate effectively, in my humble opinion) and it cultivates a positive relationship with those more likely to offer support and actually maybe help us. Like your ed cons- I'm glad you are getting him involved.</p><p></p><p>One thing I might suggest- make sure these people know that while the dynamics are very different in a single parent household and you and M are very close in some ways, you have held him accountable instead of being in denial where he is concerned (offer previous situations as examples), YOU are the one that put him in there because you want him to grow independently of you- you just want the two of you to remain close, AND you have not pulled him out of there after all this time. But, you cannot support them completely destroying his only supportive relationship. (I noticed a big change in a couple of people at Department of Juvenile Justice who gave me the "parents need to learn to quit bailing the kid out" stuff when I reminded them that it was ME that had him arrested last and refused to accept him coming home until it was addressed.)</p><p></p><p>That's just my 2 cents. I hope you get over the slump soon. I hope the ed consultant can help. And don't forget to spend a day just pampering yourself!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 320183, member: 3699"] Hi, Steely! You're in a slump, huh? WEll, you know you still have friends here and I'm glad you are staying in contact and reaching out when you feel this way. This single mom stereotype hoovers. I have gotten the same treatment before- one therapist didn't even know us yet and said "the first thing he has to do when it's a single mom with a son is to break the incestuous emotional relationship they have with each other". We won't get into how well I reacted to that one. LOL! Let's just say difficult child had to leave the room for a VERY heated discussion to take place. Needless to say, it was the last time we ever saw him. I feel like I can't offer all the words of wisdom that I wish I could and find myself always telling you to just hang in there. The only thing that seems to work for me is writing letters to these people- they start out as drafts with me venting about everything they are doing or saying that is royally ticking me off and why. Then, after a few days they get "tailored" to convey what I want to say more rationally and less emotionally. Sometimes they get mailed and sometimes they don't. Either way, I find it very therapeutic and sometimes it helps me a lot to see how I might be coming across to the other person. At the same time, I try to make sure that I am contacting others who have NOT given me the same stereotype. What I'm finding is that this keeps me from staying consumed with only the people who are not on the same wavelength as me (the "negative"- not that they have to be in agreement with me, but we have to be on enough of a wavelength to communicate effectively, in my humble opinion) and it cultivates a positive relationship with those more likely to offer support and actually maybe help us. Like your ed cons- I'm glad you are getting him involved. One thing I might suggest- make sure these people know that while the dynamics are very different in a single parent household and you and M are very close in some ways, you have held him accountable instead of being in denial where he is concerned (offer previous situations as examples), YOU are the one that put him in there because you want him to grow independently of you- you just want the two of you to remain close, AND you have not pulled him out of there after all this time. But, you cannot support them completely destroying his only supportive relationship. (I noticed a big change in a couple of people at Department of Juvenile Justice who gave me the "parents need to learn to quit bailing the kid out" stuff when I reminded them that it was ME that had him arrested last and refused to accept him coming home until it was addressed.) That's just my 2 cents. I hope you get over the slump soon. I hope the ed consultant can help. And don't forget to spend a day just pampering yourself! [/QUOTE]
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