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I need to vent about brother in law.
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 445923" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I think mattsmom has the best solution for right now. The email she suggested should be more than enough. In order to make it as un-inflammatory as possible, maybe she or Star or someone else here could help you write it.</p><p></p><p>As this is NOT the first time he has done this, the situation needs to be addressed at a calm time. Think of it as finding a teachable moment for brother in law. He has to learn that it is simply unacceptable and irrational to demand that others foot the bill for his extravagance. A very clear boundary needs to be set so that neither H nor you are ever faced wtih a situation like this again. NOT that you would dream of telling him how to plan something, but he simply must let you know in advance (give a specific amount of time) and you will tell him the amount you will spend for whatever the plans are. If he makes choices that are more expensive than the budget you agreed to, that is his <em>choice</em> and you will be more than happy to let him choose to spend his money that way. </p><p></p><p>This is NOT your obligation. Unless you agreed to a budget before the plans were made, this bill is not your problem. </p><p></p><p>I cannot fathom who would find a $3400 reception appropriate. Unless you are in the upper levels of society where debutante balls and the like are normal for you, this is simply spending money to show off and spend money. It is a big fancy "<strong>SEE HOW IMPORTANT I AM"</strong>. </p><p></p><p>While I know that mattsmom's email is probably far more diplomatic, I would consider sending an email telling him what a lovely, generous thing he is doing for mother in law. That I had NO idea how close he was with father in law and how deeply he must miss him to put on such an extravagant reception. How you are SURE, given how much he respected, admired, and enjoyed father in law and how devastated he must be by father in law's passing, that will never regret having paid for the reception himself. You don't want to minimize his display of devotion in any way so you will not impose and will instead fix brunch for mother in law and the immediate family the morning after the funeral (or morning of). </p><p></p><p>Then hit a bakery for some muffins or bake some at home, make an easy egg casserole in the crockpot the night before, pick up a fruit tray or fruit salad and put on a pot of good coffee. </p><p></p><p>Consider having a draft of the reply (or of two different replies) written before you talk to husband.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 445923, member: 1233"] I think mattsmom has the best solution for right now. The email she suggested should be more than enough. In order to make it as un-inflammatory as possible, maybe she or Star or someone else here could help you write it. As this is NOT the first time he has done this, the situation needs to be addressed at a calm time. Think of it as finding a teachable moment for brother in law. He has to learn that it is simply unacceptable and irrational to demand that others foot the bill for his extravagance. A very clear boundary needs to be set so that neither H nor you are ever faced wtih a situation like this again. NOT that you would dream of telling him how to plan something, but he simply must let you know in advance (give a specific amount of time) and you will tell him the amount you will spend for whatever the plans are. If he makes choices that are more expensive than the budget you agreed to, that is his [I]choice[/I] and you will be more than happy to let him choose to spend his money that way. This is NOT your obligation. Unless you agreed to a budget before the plans were made, this bill is not your problem. I cannot fathom who would find a $3400 reception appropriate. Unless you are in the upper levels of society where debutante balls and the like are normal for you, this is simply spending money to show off and spend money. It is a big fancy "[B]SEE HOW IMPORTANT I AM"[/B]. While I know that mattsmom's email is probably far more diplomatic, I would consider sending an email telling him what a lovely, generous thing he is doing for mother in law. That I had NO idea how close he was with father in law and how deeply he must miss him to put on such an extravagant reception. How you are SURE, given how much he respected, admired, and enjoyed father in law and how devastated he must be by father in law's passing, that will never regret having paid for the reception himself. You don't want to minimize his display of devotion in any way so you will not impose and will instead fix brunch for mother in law and the immediate family the morning after the funeral (or morning of). Then hit a bakery for some muffins or bake some at home, make an easy egg casserole in the crockpot the night before, pick up a fruit tray or fruit salad and put on a pot of good coffee. Consider having a draft of the reply (or of two different replies) written before you talk to husband. [/QUOTE]
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I need to vent about brother in law.
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