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I need to vent and need your ideas
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<blockquote data-quote="busywend" data-source="post: 301417" data-attributes="member: 391"><p>Just to pipe back in here. I do have the rules all in place. She has to work and pay for her own insurance and of course the gas to get around. My child is not violent. She can be impulsive. She is a very careful and considerate driver. </p><p></p><p>I held the getting a job over her for not being allowed to take the driver test. I did it backwards. I should have let her take the test and then not be able to drive the car because she had no money to get around. </p><p>So, we have waited 2 years for the driving test. I had a discussion with her about the job (she just refuses to apply - anxiety, in my humble opinion) and the driving test. I told her I would now allow her to take the test so she could get to college and work. She has failed it twice - which seems to be par for the course around here. She should not have failed the 2nd time - he tricked her. But, she is scheduled to take it again soon. Once she has the license I will allow her to take it out twice on me. Then she has to have the money to use the car - I am keeping my fingers crossed that it motivates her. If it doesn't than she will not be driving on my dime. </p><p></p><p>It is really important to lay down the rules for ADHD kids. I do not have a ton of rules because she ends up ruining too many important things for her growth and maturity. I have learned. </p><p></p><p>For those of you that take the hard line - hats off to you! I wish it worked with my difficult child. It just does not. Again, I think there is an anxiety aspect to my difficult child that prevents her from experiencing things that I feel are important. So, I do not use them as punishment/rewards with her. It always backfires. </p><p></p><p>So, my advice is to think about your difficult child, your family situation and really figure out what it is that works for you guys. It is not always black and white. AND it is NOT always traditional parenting that gets the job done.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="busywend, post: 301417, member: 391"] Just to pipe back in here. I do have the rules all in place. She has to work and pay for her own insurance and of course the gas to get around. My child is not violent. She can be impulsive. She is a very careful and considerate driver. I held the getting a job over her for not being allowed to take the driver test. I did it backwards. I should have let her take the test and then not be able to drive the car because she had no money to get around. So, we have waited 2 years for the driving test. I had a discussion with her about the job (she just refuses to apply - anxiety, in my humble opinion) and the driving test. I told her I would now allow her to take the test so she could get to college and work. She has failed it twice - which seems to be par for the course around here. She should not have failed the 2nd time - he tricked her. But, she is scheduled to take it again soon. Once she has the license I will allow her to take it out twice on me. Then she has to have the money to use the car - I am keeping my fingers crossed that it motivates her. If it doesn't than she will not be driving on my dime. It is really important to lay down the rules for ADHD kids. I do not have a ton of rules because she ends up ruining too many important things for her growth and maturity. I have learned. For those of you that take the hard line - hats off to you! I wish it worked with my difficult child. It just does not. Again, I think there is an anxiety aspect to my difficult child that prevents her from experiencing things that I feel are important. So, I do not use them as punishment/rewards with her. It always backfires. So, my advice is to think about your difficult child, your family situation and really figure out what it is that works for you guys. It is not always black and white. AND it is NOT always traditional parenting that gets the job done. [/QUOTE]
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