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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 264506" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am so very sorry you feel so horrible. Your difficult child is TOTALLY out of line. But he sure does know how to push the buttons to make you feel like doodoo.</p><p></p><p>I think turning over ALL responsibility for difficult child to your husband is an excellent idea. husband may think difficult child is so wonderful now, but after several weeks or even months he may see the light. </p><p></p><p>As long as YOU take care of all the problems with difficult child then husband can downplay them and make it seem you are making a mountain out of a mole hill. Once HE has to step up to the plate, well, things will be different.</p><p></p><p>Go to the school on Monday and make sure they have husband's cell phone to call for any problems. Take YOUR cell and even the home phone off the list. </p><p></p><p>If people call with reminders for appointments - refer them to husband. Same for any requests difficult child makes, anyone else that calls with ANYTHING to do with difficult child.</p><p></p><p>husband is going to get very angry. But stick to your guns and don't give in and take care of things for him (husband or difficult child). The more emotion you show, the more difficult child and husband and easy child think they have won. So cry in private, post here as often as needed, and know we are with you. </p><p></p><p>Be ready for difficult child to have a couple of really good weeks with husband in charge. It is honeymooning. The problems will resurface in a few weeks. Then husband will be in for a shock.</p><p></p><p>Think of this as going on strike. It will be a way to try to wake up husband. </p><p></p><p>I am so very sorry you are in such pain. I know how devastated you feel. Talk to a counsellor, check into NAMI support groups in your area, and also look into NarcAnon or Al Anon. If your son is saying pot is not a problem, then he is probably using.</p><p></p><p>I think the odds are very high that difficult child is using pot and or alcohol. The way he insists that pot can't be addictive is a big red flag that he may be using pot. Or at least thinking about using pot. You simply MUST back off from this also. Let husband be the one to worry about it. Let HIM try to get difficult child to do a drug test. All that will happen if you bring this up is that difficult child and husband will dig their heels in more.</p><p></p><p>Deep down difficult child knows you love him. He will pull out all the stops to get a reaction from you, but you must must must not give him one. Go cry in private. Even if you have to drive to the gas station parking lot and cry in your car. The more difficult child sees that you are upset the more he will feel he "won". It is sick, but it is how difficult child sees things. Wiz felt like this for many years. </p><p></p><p>Sending a couple extra rhino skin armor suits, a whole bunch of hugs, and lots of love and prayers.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 264506, member: 1233"] I am so very sorry you feel so horrible. Your difficult child is TOTALLY out of line. But he sure does know how to push the buttons to make you feel like doodoo. I think turning over ALL responsibility for difficult child to your husband is an excellent idea. husband may think difficult child is so wonderful now, but after several weeks or even months he may see the light. As long as YOU take care of all the problems with difficult child then husband can downplay them and make it seem you are making a mountain out of a mole hill. Once HE has to step up to the plate, well, things will be different. Go to the school on Monday and make sure they have husband's cell phone to call for any problems. Take YOUR cell and even the home phone off the list. If people call with reminders for appointments - refer them to husband. Same for any requests difficult child makes, anyone else that calls with ANYTHING to do with difficult child. husband is going to get very angry. But stick to your guns and don't give in and take care of things for him (husband or difficult child). The more emotion you show, the more difficult child and husband and easy child think they have won. So cry in private, post here as often as needed, and know we are with you. Be ready for difficult child to have a couple of really good weeks with husband in charge. It is honeymooning. The problems will resurface in a few weeks. Then husband will be in for a shock. Think of this as going on strike. It will be a way to try to wake up husband. I am so very sorry you are in such pain. I know how devastated you feel. Talk to a counsellor, check into NAMI support groups in your area, and also look into NarcAnon or Al Anon. If your son is saying pot is not a problem, then he is probably using. I think the odds are very high that difficult child is using pot and or alcohol. The way he insists that pot can't be addictive is a big red flag that he may be using pot. Or at least thinking about using pot. You simply MUST back off from this also. Let husband be the one to worry about it. Let HIM try to get difficult child to do a drug test. All that will happen if you bring this up is that difficult child and husband will dig their heels in more. Deep down difficult child knows you love him. He will pull out all the stops to get a reaction from you, but you must must must not give him one. Go cry in private. Even if you have to drive to the gas station parking lot and cry in your car. The more difficult child sees that you are upset the more he will feel he "won". It is sick, but it is how difficult child sees things. Wiz felt like this for many years. Sending a couple extra rhino skin armor suits, a whole bunch of hugs, and lots of love and prayers. [/QUOTE]
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