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I really don't want to do this anymore !!!!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 677017" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>You vent away sister!! That's what we're here for.</p><p>Detaching is not an easy thing to do and when there are grandchildren it makes it that much harder. Please don't be hard on yourself. If this were an easy thing to do we would not have the need for this forum. You have made progress in that your daughter is not living with you and that is huge!</p><p>The progress we make in detachment can't be measured as it's different for everyone because while we are all dealing with a Difficult Child no two situations are the same.</p><p></p><p></p><p>I'm sure there is some truth on both ends of this. Even when our children tell us they hate us, deep down inside they love us. Just as we love them even though their behavior is unlovable.</p><p>Yes, I agree that she may "playing nice" in hopes that you will let your guard down. My son did this and was able to keep up the charade for over a year. You are wise to be cautious. (again, that's progress on your part)</p><p></p><p></p><p>You are correct, you can't fix any of it nor should you. Even if you could wave a magic wand and make everything ok in your daughters world it still wouldn't be ok because your daughter would never value it. Your daughter must make changes for herself, no one can do it for her.</p><p></p><p></p><p>I can see how this drains you. I do hope you are not giving them any money. I know it's not always easy to say no but the more you say no they will start to understand that you are not an ATM machine and they will stop asking.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Oh dear friend, you can and should be enjoying your life. Positive affirmations can really help. In order to change our thinking, we have to change our thinking. Start small. Put a couple of sticky notes on your bathroom mirror, in your car, on the fridge and any other place you will see them and write things like:</p><p>I AM STRONG</p><p>I WILL CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY</p><p>I DESERVE HAPPINESS</p><p>I WILL DO GOOD THINGS FOR MYSELF</p><p>I AM NOT DEFINED BY OTHERS</p><p></p><p>At first it may feel awkward but the more you repeat these positive affirmations to yourself the more they will become part of who you are.</p><p></p><p>You know that old saying "fake it till you make it" there is actually some truth in it.</p><p></p><p>I am sending you the biggest HUG and all my positive energy!!</p><p></p><p>You hang in there!! YOU CAN DO THIS!!</p><p></p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/group-hug.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":group-hug:" title="group hug :group-hug:" data-shortname=":group-hug:" /><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/staystrong.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":staystrong:" title="staystrong :staystrong:" data-shortname=":staystrong:" /><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/group-hug.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":group-hug:" title="group hug :group-hug:" data-shortname=":group-hug:" /><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/staystrong.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":staystrong:" title="staystrong :staystrong:" data-shortname=":staystrong:" /><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/group-hug.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":group-hug:" title="group hug :group-hug:" data-shortname=":group-hug:" /><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/staystrong.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":staystrong:" title="staystrong :staystrong:" data-shortname=":staystrong:" /><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/group-hug.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":group-hug:" title="group hug :group-hug:" data-shortname=":group-hug:" /><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/staystrong.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":staystrong:" title="staystrong :staystrong:" data-shortname=":staystrong:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 677017, member: 18516"] You vent away sister!! That's what we're here for. Detaching is not an easy thing to do and when there are grandchildren it makes it that much harder. Please don't be hard on yourself. If this were an easy thing to do we would not have the need for this forum. You have made progress in that your daughter is not living with you and that is huge! The progress we make in detachment can't be measured as it's different for everyone because while we are all dealing with a Difficult Child no two situations are the same. I'm sure there is some truth on both ends of this. Even when our children tell us they hate us, deep down inside they love us. Just as we love them even though their behavior is unlovable. Yes, I agree that she may "playing nice" in hopes that you will let your guard down. My son did this and was able to keep up the charade for over a year. You are wise to be cautious. (again, that's progress on your part) You are correct, you can't fix any of it nor should you. Even if you could wave a magic wand and make everything ok in your daughters world it still wouldn't be ok because your daughter would never value it. Your daughter must make changes for herself, no one can do it for her. I can see how this drains you. I do hope you are not giving them any money. I know it's not always easy to say no but the more you say no they will start to understand that you are not an ATM machine and they will stop asking. Oh dear friend, you can and should be enjoying your life. Positive affirmations can really help. In order to change our thinking, we have to change our thinking. Start small. Put a couple of sticky notes on your bathroom mirror, in your car, on the fridge and any other place you will see them and write things like: I AM STRONG I WILL CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY I DESERVE HAPPINESS I WILL DO GOOD THINGS FOR MYSELF I AM NOT DEFINED BY OTHERS At first it may feel awkward but the more you repeat these positive affirmations to yourself the more they will become part of who you are. You know that old saying "fake it till you make it" there is actually some truth in it. I am sending you the biggest HUG and all my positive energy!! You hang in there!! YOU CAN DO THIS!! :group-hug::staystrong::group-hug::staystrong::group-hug::staystrong::group-hug::staystrong: [/QUOTE]
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