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Three years ago, the first time my son went to jail, I had no idea what he was in to.  I tore out of work to rush home and start making calls to a bail bondsman so I could rescue him.  I was so naive as to what he was doing at the time I just felt sick that he was in jail with the cities worst people.  Lol.


I was a total wreck, taking time off from work, wasting my valuable time and money to bail out my son who came out of jail with the attitude " it wasn't bad, food sucked, I couldnt sleep or tell what time it was, cops f***ed me over, all over weed residue in my passenger side door."  Well this cop who busted him had caught him in the back of our neighborhood once before, smoking weed with a friend, and my son decided to run from him but got caught. 


He got arrested two more times after that.  I bailed him out but he paid for it and attorneys fees, didn't cost me a dime - he used up all his savings and part of a small inheritance.  Money he could have spent on college.


I was stupid to have bailed him out each time but have since learned a LOT about enabling and detaching.  I tried fixing my son by begging and pleading and it has just made him hate and disrespect me.


I kickd him out months ago due to how awful he became towards me.  Zero disrespect.  Kid became a selfish ungrateful brat.


Its broke my heart but it was the best thing I could have done.  He has been working these past two weeks (full time) and living with a friend who I think has made him pull his weight.


Tough love and me sticking to my boundaries has been painful and the hardest thing I've ever done but its working. 


My home is a peaceful refuge now, I can sleep all night without being woken up at 4am when he comes home from being out all night getting high and partying or dragging some girl home and shacking up in his bedroom.  I no longer worry about what might be happening at home during the day while I'm at work. O get home and my house stinks from pot.  I miss my son but I've detached.  Each week is getting easier.  Just gotta keep up my boundaries and focus on myself, not him.


Looking back - I should have let him sit it out in jail each time.  I should have kicked him out 3 years ago.  I did him no favors rescuing him, believing him when he said it wasn't his fault, letting him live under my roof while being foul mouthed and disrespectful.


But now he is out.  He is finally working and figuring it out (I hope).  I'm sure he is still getting high and partying but at least he is working. Heaven forbid he call me and share anything  with me, no I'm being punished for kicking him out and giving up on him. I keep tabs on his Facebook page so I do see he is working as he is bragging about making good money and posted a hashtag #feelingaccomplished so hopefully working is giving him a little bit of pride.


I didn't give up on my son, I just pushed him into the real world so he would (grow a couple) and learn how to become a man.  He wasn't doing it on his own.


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