In continuing Copa's and Patriot's excellent posts, I'm going to say that when Bart was very young, say five, my entire life happiness depended on his being happy. If he came home from school and was crying, I cried. I did not see us as seperate people.
One day I read an awesome book called "Toxic Parens." It is NOT the same Toxic Parents now being sold and had different writers. In fact, the writer was Chicago born and raised and I got to see him as a therapist for a long time. In his book, he talked about parents who were living their lives through their chidlren and that they were the ones who felt the same emotions their children felt rather than sympathizing but feeling our own emotions. I saw myself in this at once an d took myself out of it. It was easy because Bart was so young. I never forgot it though. That doesn't mean I never feel bad when my adult kids do. I'm human and a mother and of course I do. But I have learned it is up to my adult kids to choose their own paths and am very good at staying out of their lives unless asked. And not giving advice unless asked.
This book was a Godsend or I may have been a multiple personality....myself and my four kids 
It is hard sometimes to remember we are not supposed to feel their emotions or make their choices f or them, but it can be done.
