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I really hate this whole situation
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 587627" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Oh JKF, it brings back a flood of memories to read your post, God, I know exactly how you are feeling and it really does feel unbearable. It is the worst thing that we parents go through I think. I recall feeling that way so many times this past year, you can't allow them back because you know the devastation that causes, and yet, leaving them "out there' causes so much sorrow and worry for you. I hear you. </p><p></p><p>I recall one of the first times I responded to you was when you were just terrified he would come home and make good on his promise to harm you. You were up worrying and Buddy said she would stay in contact with you.................just in case................it was very scary.........you were afraid of HIM. I completely agree that you need to keep him away from your family and you, there is no other choice. And, I also know how much it hurts your heart to make that choice. </p><p></p><p>There are no easy ways through this, I wish there were, but there aren't. It's a process, one which takes a toll on us, because of the fear of the unknown, because we've made this choice to keep them at a distance because of their behavior, however, regardless of the reason, they are still our kids, no matter what. I know JKF, I really do know how painful this is for you. I felt at times that my heart would not be able to withstand that pain. But, you know what? It did. And, I got stronger. And, I don't know for sure, but it seems my difficult child may have turned a corner. All of the suffering and all of the worry I went through and I think she finally got that I would not be rescuing her, so she seems to have found her own way. While you are worrying to the MAX, I would bet your son is out there jiving and being a somewhat typical 18 year old boy, while you suffer the agonies of the ****ed. Really try to take deep breaths and each time you do, surround him with love. Every single time your mind starts to worry and go down that path, shift gears and send him love. Someone told me to do that a few months ago and it has helped me a lot. It changes the fearful brain chemistry you've got going............shift out of that groove. You may have to do it a hundred times a day, but that's okay, do it 100 times a day then. When you worry you put yourself in that fearful dark place of all the what ifs, it's grueling on us, so make a conscious effort to stop that and shift over to sending him love until the worry subsides. </p><p></p><p>We're all right there with you JKF, you're never alone, you've always got us, we're all cheering you on every day. You'll get through this and you'll be stronger and wiser and you will have very well developed boundaries which, incidentally, will be very advantageous in all the areas of your life, you just can't see it quite yet. Hang in there, you're doing great............(((HUGS))))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 587627, member: 13542"] Oh JKF, it brings back a flood of memories to read your post, God, I know exactly how you are feeling and it really does feel unbearable. It is the worst thing that we parents go through I think. I recall feeling that way so many times this past year, you can't allow them back because you know the devastation that causes, and yet, leaving them "out there' causes so much sorrow and worry for you. I hear you. I recall one of the first times I responded to you was when you were just terrified he would come home and make good on his promise to harm you. You were up worrying and Buddy said she would stay in contact with you.................just in case................it was very scary.........you were afraid of HIM. I completely agree that you need to keep him away from your family and you, there is no other choice. And, I also know how much it hurts your heart to make that choice. There are no easy ways through this, I wish there were, but there aren't. It's a process, one which takes a toll on us, because of the fear of the unknown, because we've made this choice to keep them at a distance because of their behavior, however, regardless of the reason, they are still our kids, no matter what. I know JKF, I really do know how painful this is for you. I felt at times that my heart would not be able to withstand that pain. But, you know what? It did. And, I got stronger. And, I don't know for sure, but it seems my difficult child may have turned a corner. All of the suffering and all of the worry I went through and I think she finally got that I would not be rescuing her, so she seems to have found her own way. While you are worrying to the MAX, I would bet your son is out there jiving and being a somewhat typical 18 year old boy, while you suffer the agonies of the ****ed. Really try to take deep breaths and each time you do, surround him with love. Every single time your mind starts to worry and go down that path, shift gears and send him love. Someone told me to do that a few months ago and it has helped me a lot. It changes the fearful brain chemistry you've got going............shift out of that groove. You may have to do it a hundred times a day, but that's okay, do it 100 times a day then. When you worry you put yourself in that fearful dark place of all the what ifs, it's grueling on us, so make a conscious effort to stop that and shift over to sending him love until the worry subsides. We're all right there with you JKF, you're never alone, you've always got us, we're all cheering you on every day. You'll get through this and you'll be stronger and wiser and you will have very well developed boundaries which, incidentally, will be very advantageous in all the areas of your life, you just can't see it quite yet. Hang in there, you're doing great............(((HUGS)))) [/QUOTE]
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