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I really think she likes jail!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="bran155" data-source="post: 229666"><p>WOW - Star:</p><p></p><p> Thank you for that. I am so sorry you had to go through that, but I am so glad that you came out on the other side and seem to be okay. I guess that's what we can expect - to be okay. Happiness seems so far away, for other people. You have described so much of ME in your words. It's so funny, how we walk through life and feel like the weight of the world is on our shoulders and no one could possibly understand how much agony we are in and yet here we are, on this board, where everyone is understanding of our horror on one level or another!!! I, too have had my share of hissy fits, yelling at God, blaming him for my hell. I guess it's sort of the way my daughter always blames me for everything. I blame him. We always want to blame someone or something. I often feel like I must have done something horrible in another life to deserve this. But truthfully my daughter is the one who is living in hell, I am just a bystander suffering because I love her. </p><p></p><p>I swear it's as though you took your words right out of my head. I always have this little bit of hope that this time she will get it, this medication will work, this therapist will connect, my tears will sting her enough to change, this jail stint will be the one to really open her eyes, this person will be able to reach her and each time I lose a tiny bit of hope when I realize that none of that made a darn bit of difference in her life whatsoever!!! The only thing that she is learning out of these so called "learning experiences" is to adjust accordingly. So now, not that I have given up, but I have decided to just accept her and her choices for what they are - HER CHOICES. The more I try to fight it the harder it is to deal with. If I just accept the fact that she is choosing to live this way and I have nothing to do with those choices then it is much easier for me to breath. I pray that I will be able to always hang on to some hope, hope that she will one day turn her life around. If I truly believe that I have left no stone unturned then what else is there for me to do, but hope and pray??</p><p></p><p>Star, thank you so much for your words of wisdom. Thank you for sharing your own horror with me, it means a lot to me. I hope the new year brings you to, yet another level of peace. You deserve it. We all do.</p><p></p><p>God bless. </p><p></p><p>Shawna <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>Thank you to all who have responded. I look forward to your words. They always make me feel better and add a bit of strength to my spine. I truly don't think I could get through this without all of you. This is the first place I go when I wake up in the morning and the last place before I attempt to go to sleep at night. I truly consider all of you "friends", friends that actually understand me. No one else understands the way you all do. </p><p></p><p>Terry, the money can be spent on toiletries, hair products, socks and snacks. She can even get a perm for her hair!!!!</p><p></p><p>Jennifer, my son is doing great. My home is much more peaceful now. I actually enjoy waking up in the morning. My son and nephew make little comments here and there about my daughter, nothing nice though. The other day my son asked me if my daughter was ever going to come home. I asked him if he wanted her to and he said "no mommy, she punched you in the face, that is very bad". It is a sad reality. I can't expect my 7 yo to have any empathy for his sister who he has seen abuse all of the people he loves. I can only hope that somewhere down the line they will be able to repair their relationship. Only time will tell. </p><p></p><p>Thanks again my friends. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="bran155, post: 229666"] WOW - Star: Thank you for that. I am so sorry you had to go through that, but I am so glad that you came out on the other side and seem to be okay. I guess that's what we can expect - to be okay. Happiness seems so far away, for other people. You have described so much of ME in your words. It's so funny, how we walk through life and feel like the weight of the world is on our shoulders and no one could possibly understand how much agony we are in and yet here we are, on this board, where everyone is understanding of our horror on one level or another!!! I, too have had my share of hissy fits, yelling at God, blaming him for my hell. I guess it's sort of the way my daughter always blames me for everything. I blame him. We always want to blame someone or something. I often feel like I must have done something horrible in another life to deserve this. But truthfully my daughter is the one who is living in hell, I am just a bystander suffering because I love her. I swear it's as though you took your words right out of my head. I always have this little bit of hope that this time she will get it, this medication will work, this therapist will connect, my tears will sting her enough to change, this jail stint will be the one to really open her eyes, this person will be able to reach her and each time I lose a tiny bit of hope when I realize that none of that made a darn bit of difference in her life whatsoever!!! The only thing that she is learning out of these so called "learning experiences" is to adjust accordingly. So now, not that I have given up, but I have decided to just accept her and her choices for what they are - HER CHOICES. The more I try to fight it the harder it is to deal with. If I just accept the fact that she is choosing to live this way and I have nothing to do with those choices then it is much easier for me to breath. I pray that I will be able to always hang on to some hope, hope that she will one day turn her life around. If I truly believe that I have left no stone unturned then what else is there for me to do, but hope and pray?? Star, thank you so much for your words of wisdom. Thank you for sharing your own horror with me, it means a lot to me. I hope the new year brings you to, yet another level of peace. You deserve it. We all do. God bless. Shawna :) Thank you to all who have responded. I look forward to your words. They always make me feel better and add a bit of strength to my spine. I truly don't think I could get through this without all of you. This is the first place I go when I wake up in the morning and the last place before I attempt to go to sleep at night. I truly consider all of you "friends", friends that actually understand me. No one else understands the way you all do. Terry, the money can be spent on toiletries, hair products, socks and snacks. She can even get a perm for her hair!!!! Jennifer, my son is doing great. My home is much more peaceful now. I actually enjoy waking up in the morning. My son and nephew make little comments here and there about my daughter, nothing nice though. The other day my son asked me if my daughter was ever going to come home. I asked him if he wanted her to and he said "no mommy, she punched you in the face, that is very bad". It is a sad reality. I can't expect my 7 yo to have any empathy for his sister who he has seen abuse all of the people he loves. I can only hope that somewhere down the line they will be able to repair their relationship. Only time will tell. Thanks again my friends. :) [/QUOTE]
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I really think she likes jail!!!
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