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I saw a counselor today
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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 235964" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: indigo">Kjs, I think you should heed Susie's advice and hit up a women's shelter. Not to stay there, per se, but to at least get some face to face venting out to someone who knows and understands how how you feel. </span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: indigo">Finding a friend and creating a level of intimacy to share what you're going through now will take some time and right now you need to really get this out. Posting here is fine of course, as you know, but seeking out other women who have been in your shoes and have made a new life for themselves would be very beneficial for your own personal resolve and may help you figure out what you want to or need to do. To help you figure out if your marriage is salvagable and whether or not H will be involved in the healing.</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: indigo">You don't need to know exactly how to react or what to do right now. I'd say that you just need to process how you feel first. Make no decisions in regards to your future - first focus on understanding how all the pieces of your fractured life fit in with how you <em>want </em>to feel - different than this, right?</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: indigo">Should you talk? Well, yes, I think that is the purpose of being in a counselor's office - so you can talk freely without it turning into a nightmare. It's supposed to be a safe place. And the counselor, if he is good, will tell H the rule about no interrupting while anyone is speaking. This is important.</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: indigo">When H and I went to counseling after a devastating incident, I spoke. I was astounded when my counselor (a woman) said something that, in my eyes, tried to minimize my pain and discomfort. I told her so and she quickly backpedaled on her comments and clarified her meaning. </span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: indigo">It is very important to speak up, especially if the counselor either doesn't understand you or misconstrues your comments or makes your feelings out to be petty. VERY important. Personally, in a situation such as this, I would prefer to be with a woman counselor. However, being with a man who could help H see how he's hurt you may be better. Hugs and best of luck.</span></span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 235964, member: 2211"] [FONT=Century Gothic][SIZE=3][COLOR=indigo]Kjs, I think you should heed Susie's advice and hit up a women's shelter. Not to stay there, per se, but to at least get some face to face venting out to someone who knows and understands how how you feel. [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Century Gothic][SIZE=3][COLOR=indigo][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Century Gothic][SIZE=3][COLOR=indigo]Finding a friend and creating a level of intimacy to share what you're going through now will take some time and right now you need to really get this out. Posting here is fine of course, as you know, but seeking out other women who have been in your shoes and have made a new life for themselves would be very beneficial for your own personal resolve and may help you figure out what you want to or need to do. To help you figure out if your marriage is salvagable and whether or not H will be involved in the healing.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Century Gothic][SIZE=3][COLOR=indigo][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Century Gothic][SIZE=3][COLOR=indigo]You don't need to know exactly how to react or what to do right now. I'd say that you just need to process how you feel first. Make no decisions in regards to your future - first focus on understanding how all the pieces of your fractured life fit in with how you [I]want [/I]to feel - different than this, right?[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Century Gothic][SIZE=3][COLOR=indigo][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Century Gothic][SIZE=3][COLOR=indigo]Should you talk? Well, yes, I think that is the purpose of being in a counselor's office - so you can talk freely without it turning into a nightmare. It's supposed to be a safe place. And the counselor, if he is good, will tell H the rule about no interrupting while anyone is speaking. This is important.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Century Gothic][SIZE=3][COLOR=indigo][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Century Gothic][SIZE=3][COLOR=indigo]When H and I went to counseling after a devastating incident, I spoke. I was astounded when my counselor (a woman) said something that, in my eyes, tried to minimize my pain and discomfort. I told her so and she quickly backpedaled on her comments and clarified her meaning. [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Century Gothic][SIZE=3][COLOR=indigo][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Century Gothic][SIZE=3][COLOR=indigo]It is very important to speak up, especially if the counselor either doesn't understand you or misconstrues your comments or makes your feelings out to be petty. VERY important. Personally, in a situation such as this, I would prefer to be with a woman counselor. However, being with a man who could help H see how he's hurt you may be better. Hugs and best of luck.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [/QUOTE]
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