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I saw a counselor today
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 236040" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Kjs,</p><p></p><p>Star has a great point. You are worrying that your son will never forgive you if you stand up for yourself and/or do things to make YOU happy.</p><p></p><p>You need to think about a couple of things. One is that if Momma isn't happy, No One is happy. This isn't just a saying. Think about trying to be happy in a world where the person who does all the things to take care of you is miserable. Could you do it? Would it be emotionally healthy to go ahead and be happy if Momma is miserable?</p><p></p><p>Another thing to think about is that difficult child is learning how to be a man based on how his father treats YOU. So he is learning that men don't touch their wives, that they say awful things to them and expect them to take care of EVERYTHING. He is learning that men go to work and then they play. And that men blame everything that goes wrong on the Mom/Wife.</p><p></p><p>Is this REALLY the life lesson you want difficult child to learn?</p><p></p><p>Or do you want him to learn that if the Dad/Man of the House acts like your husband does, that the Woman stand up, tells him what is wrong, and then refuses to back down until things are better. Do you want difficult child to learn that you can't make changes just because you are in your 40's? Or do you want him to learn that at any time you can stand up for yourself and change things so that you are living a fulfilling life?</p><p></p><p>I am also proud of you. You realized something was very wrong. You didn't hide from it, you looked until you found out what is going on. Then you came her for support and ideas. Then you found counselling and insisted on it.</p><p></p><p>Those are some pretty BIG steps. It was hard to take them. You did it anyway.</p><p></p><p>So you can join Star and I in being VERY proud of you!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 236040, member: 1233"] Kjs, Star has a great point. You are worrying that your son will never forgive you if you stand up for yourself and/or do things to make YOU happy. You need to think about a couple of things. One is that if Momma isn't happy, No One is happy. This isn't just a saying. Think about trying to be happy in a world where the person who does all the things to take care of you is miserable. Could you do it? Would it be emotionally healthy to go ahead and be happy if Momma is miserable? Another thing to think about is that difficult child is learning how to be a man based on how his father treats YOU. So he is learning that men don't touch their wives, that they say awful things to them and expect them to take care of EVERYTHING. He is learning that men go to work and then they play. And that men blame everything that goes wrong on the Mom/Wife. Is this REALLY the life lesson you want difficult child to learn? Or do you want him to learn that if the Dad/Man of the House acts like your husband does, that the Woman stand up, tells him what is wrong, and then refuses to back down until things are better. Do you want difficult child to learn that you can't make changes just because you are in your 40's? Or do you want him to learn that at any time you can stand up for yourself and change things so that you are living a fulfilling life? I am also proud of you. You realized something was very wrong. You didn't hide from it, you looked until you found out what is going on. Then you came her for support and ideas. Then you found counselling and insisted on it. Those are some pretty BIG steps. It was hard to take them. You did it anyway. So you can join Star and I in being VERY proud of you! [/QUOTE]
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