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I saw my new therapist today
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 190820" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Heather, I'm with Star especially - she said what I was going to say, only she has the benefit of personal experience.</p><p></p><p>Your reaction - understandable. But also very healthy. His responses - very normal for therapists. Unfortunately perhaps, but it is the way they are taught. It DOES sound patronising but it's not meant to be.</p><p></p><p>You say you're a direct person - tell him. Be upfront with him, tell him the way you are, tell him why the subject of alcohol abuse is such a sensitive one for you. Your reaction probably told him a lot of what he needs. But he DOES need the paperwork too.</p><p></p><p>I do know how it feels to get the idea you're not being believed. I'm getting this now - I have a damaged liver and people ALWAYS assume it's due to alcohol. I've seen specialists who always make the first assumption that I'm a secret drinker, and my insistence that I don't drink only seems to confirm this opinion - I could be an alcoholic who is refusing to admit to it. I also have to take strong painkillers, and people (and some doctors) assume I'm an addict, without necessarily checking. My last GP (a lovely bloke who I had to stop seeing because he's taking a break to specialise in addiction medicine - ironic!) had moved towards the end of our association, and I had to see him at an addiction clinic. Very awkward - all the other patients knew each other from the streets and I felt very uncomfortable. mother in law was seeing him too, she was really feeing awkward in the clinic waiting room. We weren't the only General Medicine patients, but the assumption was always there with the staff that we were all addicts. But mother in law & I put up with it because he's a darn good doctor.</p><p></p><p>Mstang has put it well - the things you're saying to us, you should also be saying to your therapist.</p><p></p><p>I also make lists. I would take the lists to various doctors I had to see (especially doctors I disagreed with). Sometimes I'd do it as a letter, sometimes I'd send the letter on ahead as a fax. That way I didn't have to hold all these ideas and points in my head, once they were down on paper I could mentally relax, knowing I wouldn't forget to communicate the issues but I didn't have to have a head full of them in the meantime.</p><p></p><p>If he's a good therapist, he will take this in his stride. If he labels you (or you feel he has labelled you) with something you feel is a bad fit, then again - put it in writing, explaining why you feel he is wrong and what you expect from him. </p><p></p><p>It helps. It really does. </p><p></p><p>And you feeling like this - it is a really good sign, for the likelihood of therapy being able to do a lot of good for you fairly quickly. You do not sound like a person in denial - instead, you're more the sort of person who stands there and faces problems square on, honestly. It's just that lately you've had more to deal with than you can handle and they've left you emotionally battered and injured, you need some help to heal and get your strength back.</p><p></p><p>Heather, strong people like you and like me - we need to learn to bend before we break. We're good at doing a lot of this for ourselves, but sometimes we need someone outside of us to give us a hand.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 190820, member: 1991"] Heather, I'm with Star especially - she said what I was going to say, only she has the benefit of personal experience. Your reaction - understandable. But also very healthy. His responses - very normal for therapists. Unfortunately perhaps, but it is the way they are taught. It DOES sound patronising but it's not meant to be. You say you're a direct person - tell him. Be upfront with him, tell him the way you are, tell him why the subject of alcohol abuse is such a sensitive one for you. Your reaction probably told him a lot of what he needs. But he DOES need the paperwork too. I do know how it feels to get the idea you're not being believed. I'm getting this now - I have a damaged liver and people ALWAYS assume it's due to alcohol. I've seen specialists who always make the first assumption that I'm a secret drinker, and my insistence that I don't drink only seems to confirm this opinion - I could be an alcoholic who is refusing to admit to it. I also have to take strong painkillers, and people (and some doctors) assume I'm an addict, without necessarily checking. My last GP (a lovely bloke who I had to stop seeing because he's taking a break to specialise in addiction medicine - ironic!) had moved towards the end of our association, and I had to see him at an addiction clinic. Very awkward - all the other patients knew each other from the streets and I felt very uncomfortable. mother in law was seeing him too, she was really feeing awkward in the clinic waiting room. We weren't the only General Medicine patients, but the assumption was always there with the staff that we were all addicts. But mother in law & I put up with it because he's a darn good doctor. Mstang has put it well - the things you're saying to us, you should also be saying to your therapist. I also make lists. I would take the lists to various doctors I had to see (especially doctors I disagreed with). Sometimes I'd do it as a letter, sometimes I'd send the letter on ahead as a fax. That way I didn't have to hold all these ideas and points in my head, once they were down on paper I could mentally relax, knowing I wouldn't forget to communicate the issues but I didn't have to have a head full of them in the meantime. If he's a good therapist, he will take this in his stride. If he labels you (or you feel he has labelled you) with something you feel is a bad fit, then again - put it in writing, explaining why you feel he is wrong and what you expect from him. It helps. It really does. And you feeling like this - it is a really good sign, for the likelihood of therapy being able to do a lot of good for you fairly quickly. You do not sound like a person in denial - instead, you're more the sort of person who stands there and faces problems square on, honestly. It's just that lately you've had more to deal with than you can handle and they've left you emotionally battered and injured, you need some help to heal and get your strength back. Heather, strong people like you and like me - we need to learn to bend before we break. We're good at doing a lot of this for ourselves, but sometimes we need someone outside of us to give us a hand. Marg [/QUOTE]
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