Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
I sooo knew this was going to happen!
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Tiapet" data-source="post: 581971" data-attributes="member: 455"><p>IC is exactly right. I had a posted in reply but it disappeared but it's ok as in the interim, last evening some really BIG stuff happened. Not that stuff like this doesn't happen and hasn't all my life but it trully, and sadly, is the ending to the long standing relationship. Sometimes you have to say honestly enough is enough. This was it.</p><p></p><p>When your own mother calls you a liar on where you went to high school, or on something she signed and you have to go digging up year books and that transcript with her signature, there is a problem! It got really, really bad.</p><p></p><p>The gist in a nutshell is....co dependency. I've known it for a very long time and put distance time and time again but I knew she has no one and nothing and so I did little bits here and there after pulling back. Always keeping some sort of boundary. This time I felt it was a matter of life and death and was worth risking the chance. I was very very wrong and so I pay.</p><p></p><p>The truth...my mother is a drug addict. A prescription drug addict with mental illness and I've done all I can. She also will drink from time to time. I grew up with this since I was a small child and I do mean SMALL child. I had both my father and mother who drew me in and made me be the emotional spouse of the other and many other things that go with codependency. I could tell horror stories but I will not. When my father died in 2006 it only got far worse with my mother in ways I could not have imagined. On the other hand, she also hid a lot from me too as I had put distance from her so I did't always have to opportunity to find out the full truth (though I usually did a good job of looking first before acting, a learned behavior).</p><p></p><p>I just did NOT know the REAL REAL situation as it was now.Ok......maybe somewhere I did.</p><p></p><p>She is risking my step father's life now and this IS normal for her with her lies and manipulations. I've seen it before. After last night's "sit down" I opened up and spoke my mind (and I don't know if it was right or wrong) with oldest difficult child right there, step dad right there, my SO right there and confronted her on it all. I outright told her I felt this decision to go back was because she would no longer have access to medication as freely as she could up north. She admitted it! :0</p><p></p><p>I'm so tired of justifying everything to her, to everyone as I have always done now because of her (and my sister whom I have not spoken to for over 6 months for much the same reasonings). It is a tough decision but one I didn't make lightly and will stand by with much support as now I have daughter and SO who have witness so much carnage happening to me. It has made older difficult child worried that she will turn out like her grandmother and that's sad on one hand but good on another because it's making her work harder to be sure she never does! I know difficult child most likely will not as she does not have ALL the characteristics/traits my mother does by far.</p><p></p><p>When I was in my teen years her mother told me outright she had more respect for me then her own daughter and that 1 of the reasons my mother also treats me the way she does is that she is jealous of me. Jealous? Of what and why? I don't understand this and never have, ever. Who gets jealous of their own daughter and why. I've tried to let all that go so that I can get through life but as some of you know and probably do as well.....you always keep trying to do your best to please people you know darn well you will NEVER please, NEVER do right by, and can NEVER do anything right. And there you have it.</p><p></p><p>So.....I now will be living completely for my difficult children....and myself when I get some breathing room from difficult children acting up. I'm treating myself gently and trying to come to terms with that I really have and have always done ALL that I could and done it right.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Thanks for the feed back. It feels good to just get this out there now.....it was time to let go...... <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /></p><p></p><p>I wished my step father well and gave him the best advice I could going forward to best protect himself as she has isolated him from everyone and that's just dead wrong. I told him don't let it continue and when it gets too tough....WALK.....as hard as it is...he's wanted to but it kills his heart to and we all know that feeling....I pray that he finds strength somehow, someway. I pray that this doesn't kill him and that this delay doesn't cost too much in dealing with his cancer either and that he's able to get adequate care up there. He's been through far too much in life to deserve this......</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tiapet, post: 581971, member: 455"] IC is exactly right. I had a posted in reply but it disappeared but it's ok as in the interim, last evening some really BIG stuff happened. Not that stuff like this doesn't happen and hasn't all my life but it trully, and sadly, is the ending to the long standing relationship. Sometimes you have to say honestly enough is enough. This was it. When your own mother calls you a liar on where you went to high school, or on something she signed and you have to go digging up year books and that transcript with her signature, there is a problem! It got really, really bad. The gist in a nutshell is....co dependency. I've known it for a very long time and put distance time and time again but I knew she has no one and nothing and so I did little bits here and there after pulling back. Always keeping some sort of boundary. This time I felt it was a matter of life and death and was worth risking the chance. I was very very wrong and so I pay. The truth...my mother is a drug addict. A prescription drug addict with mental illness and I've done all I can. She also will drink from time to time. I grew up with this since I was a small child and I do mean SMALL child. I had both my father and mother who drew me in and made me be the emotional spouse of the other and many other things that go with codependency. I could tell horror stories but I will not. When my father died in 2006 it only got far worse with my mother in ways I could not have imagined. On the other hand, she also hid a lot from me too as I had put distance from her so I did't always have to opportunity to find out the full truth (though I usually did a good job of looking first before acting, a learned behavior). I just did NOT know the REAL REAL situation as it was now.Ok......maybe somewhere I did. She is risking my step father's life now and this IS normal for her with her lies and manipulations. I've seen it before. After last night's "sit down" I opened up and spoke my mind (and I don't know if it was right or wrong) with oldest difficult child right there, step dad right there, my SO right there and confronted her on it all. I outright told her I felt this decision to go back was because she would no longer have access to medication as freely as she could up north. She admitted it! :0 I'm so tired of justifying everything to her, to everyone as I have always done now because of her (and my sister whom I have not spoken to for over 6 months for much the same reasonings). It is a tough decision but one I didn't make lightly and will stand by with much support as now I have daughter and SO who have witness so much carnage happening to me. It has made older difficult child worried that she will turn out like her grandmother and that's sad on one hand but good on another because it's making her work harder to be sure she never does! I know difficult child most likely will not as she does not have ALL the characteristics/traits my mother does by far. When I was in my teen years her mother told me outright she had more respect for me then her own daughter and that 1 of the reasons my mother also treats me the way she does is that she is jealous of me. Jealous? Of what and why? I don't understand this and never have, ever. Who gets jealous of their own daughter and why. I've tried to let all that go so that I can get through life but as some of you know and probably do as well.....you always keep trying to do your best to please people you know darn well you will NEVER please, NEVER do right by, and can NEVER do anything right. And there you have it. So.....I now will be living completely for my difficult children....and myself when I get some breathing room from difficult children acting up. I'm treating myself gently and trying to come to terms with that I really have and have always done ALL that I could and done it right. Thanks for the feed back. It feels good to just get this out there now.....it was time to let go...... :( I wished my step father well and gave him the best advice I could going forward to best protect himself as she has isolated him from everyone and that's just dead wrong. I told him don't let it continue and when it gets too tough....WALK.....as hard as it is...he's wanted to but it kills his heart to and we all know that feeling....I pray that he finds strength somehow, someway. I pray that this doesn't kill him and that this delay doesn't cost too much in dealing with his cancer either and that he's able to get adequate care up there. He's been through far too much in life to deserve this...... [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
I sooo knew this was going to happen!
Top