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I spent the morning in tears...
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<blockquote data-quote="TheWalrus" data-source="post: 678746" data-attributes="member: 19905"><p>Thank you. I re-read the text and she had done as many of you warned - "upped the ante." Her first request for money was made like it was no big deal, she had been off her medications for a week and "was fine." I knew speaking to her she was trying to make me feel guilty even after I told her we truly cannot afford to help her (financially or emotionally, but that was left unsaid) because she continued to mention it throughout the conversation.</p><p></p><p>The text dropped the amount she wanted but amped up the guilt level, telling me her doctor told her it was dangerous to stop taking her medications and she had "already had a suicide attempt" since she stopped them. She needed some things that were in my house so I decided not to answer the text and mailed her things to her. </p><p></p><p>I have decided that when she can speak to me or text me without the constant trying to wear me down, I will respond. When it is guilt, rage or manipulation, I just won't. I know that means I may not have contact with her until she understands that I am not going to enable or rescue. I also know it may mean she chooses not to have contact with me if I refuse to be useful to her.</p><p></p><p>But I think it is the only way I can have some semblance of peace and maintain my own health and sanity. Right now, every time she contacts my heart races, my stomach clenches, and I feel this sudden blanket of black doom. I carry it around for days, disrupting everything in my life, and I just can't keep doing it. I can no longer stand that panicked, frantic feeling every time my phone lights up.</p><p></p><p>Having all of you as a support system makes it bearable and helps me not to waiver. Other people just don't understand and I would buckle under the weight of their judgments.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TheWalrus, post: 678746, member: 19905"] Thank you. I re-read the text and she had done as many of you warned - "upped the ante." Her first request for money was made like it was no big deal, she had been off her medications for a week and "was fine." I knew speaking to her she was trying to make me feel guilty even after I told her we truly cannot afford to help her (financially or emotionally, but that was left unsaid) because she continued to mention it throughout the conversation. The text dropped the amount she wanted but amped up the guilt level, telling me her doctor told her it was dangerous to stop taking her medications and she had "already had a suicide attempt" since she stopped them. She needed some things that were in my house so I decided not to answer the text and mailed her things to her. I have decided that when she can speak to me or text me without the constant trying to wear me down, I will respond. When it is guilt, rage or manipulation, I just won't. I know that means I may not have contact with her until she understands that I am not going to enable or rescue. I also know it may mean she chooses not to have contact with me if I refuse to be useful to her. But I think it is the only way I can have some semblance of peace and maintain my own health and sanity. Right now, every time she contacts my heart races, my stomach clenches, and I feel this sudden blanket of black doom. I carry it around for days, disrupting everything in my life, and I just can't keep doing it. I can no longer stand that panicked, frantic feeling every time my phone lights up. Having all of you as a support system makes it bearable and helps me not to waiver. Other people just don't understand and I would buckle under the weight of their judgments. [/QUOTE]
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I spent the morning in tears...
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