I suppose I should be happy...

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by tiredmommy, May 3, 2009.

  1. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    that she isn't drinking it away but rather giving it to charity.

    My mother has called me four times since last November:

    1st time to ask me help with some paperwork on this side of the border (sober).

    2nd time to follow-up (sober).

    3rd time she left a drunken message on Inauguration Day going on about power to the people, etc. She never mentioned Duckie though it was her birthday.

    And the fourth time was tonight.

    She recently started receiving survivor benefits from SSI and my father's benefits. She needed my help to get this lined up since she is a US citizen living in Canada. My mother has lived a financially marginal life since she left my father due to her mental illness and drug/alcohol use so I was guardedly relieved that she would have more than the minimal amount needed to survive. This, of course, is tempered by the knowledge that she would most likely smoke or drink more. There are minor complications with the additional funds such as more complicated taxes and her rent subsidy being substantially reduced.

    So she called and left a message tonight. She will be giving my father's pension a local charity on a monthly basis.

    I appreciate the generosity of her act. It is truly selfless given her circumstances. It is also her money to do with as she pleases. And I suppose I should be happy that she's not boozing it away. But I'm not looking forward to her not having groceries for herself, or her utilities not paid.

    My sense of her security is shaken.
  2. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    That's one of those things you don't know which to hope for. It must be difficult to be in the middle.

    I know when my difficult child is working a lot it keeps her out of trouble. On the other hand she has more money to get in trouble with.

  3. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Is there an organization up there that you can contact to check on her? That's not a rational decision. I would hope that the charity would not take the money from her.
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I'm with witz. That's an odd decision to make when you're not doing well financially yourself. Nice thought, but still. Is there anyone who can check on her who would know if she was behaving out of character?

    Hopefully the charity won't take the money. (especially if a little birdie whispers in their ear that she can't afford to give it)

    What a hard spot to be in.

  5. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    My mother has been behaving like this my whole life... it's not out of character. There will be no stopping her either. I could stop this organization from taking the money and she'd just give it to another.

    She has always had horribly skewed thought processes.
  6. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    Do you think that she thinks if she gives the money away, her rent subsidy won't be decreased?

    Do you think she'll continue to do it after a mont or two? Once she realizes she needs the money, she may think twice.
  7. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    TM, there isn't much logic to her decision but then logic isn't their strong point is it?
    Isn't it too sad that she can't be more productive with this money but it is hers to spend as she pleases.

    It is sad though. I'm sorry that she had nothing to say to difficult child about her birthday.
  8. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Just sending hugs........

    You dont have to look far to find and know that your troubles are so small.

    I hope things work out and I hope when she remembers Duckies birthday it's a sincere thing.

    Wasn't there something recently in the news about Americans who lived in Canada or Canadians living in America getting their citizenships back?

    WOnder if that has anything to do with it. ANd hey - maybe she's just okay with things the way they are and wants to keep it that way - easy for her. ???

    I think it's a selfless act - but hope she has ALL the facts about how this donation will or won't affect her.

    Hugs TM -
  9. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Loth- My mother has always had a hard time carrying the burden of any sort of wealth. Being financially comfortable goes against her grain for some reason.

    A quick story: my mother's apartment is on the 8th floor of a rather tall building and it gets very hot in the summer. I had offered (as had my brother) to get her a window ac unit so at least her bedroom could be kept cooler. Finally, two years ago, she had a seizure as a result of heat stroke. I basically strong-armed her into accepting the an ac unit. My brother and I arrived the next day and installed it.

    At the start of the next summer my brother called about installing it once again and was told by mother that she had given it away to a friend that needed it more.

    I will not be buying her a another.

    As for this charitable gift, she said she was setting up a direct withdrawal from her checking account.

    Fran- She has lacked common sense as long as I can remember. It's central to her skewed thinking.

    I'm upset about Duckie. She's a great kid and deserves to be loved (or at least acknowledged occasionally) by her grandmother.

    Star- My mother has done everything just short of outright rejecting her family... she's gone so far as to say that she sees no reason to cross the border back to the US again. As a matter of fact she only calls when she wants something. I've stopped calling her because she usually to busy to talk when I do.

    I can't help think that she's making sure that my brother & I know that she's not accepting my father's pension. So I'm not so sure it's entirely altruistic on her part.

    Like I said, at least she's not drinking it away. :hammer:
  10. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    ((Hugs)) I'm sorry she didn't acknowledge Duckie's birthday and that things are so strained.