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Substance Abuse
I *think* difficult child will be back in town soon. here we go again...
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<blockquote data-quote="Calamity Jane" data-source="post: 533071" data-attributes="member: 13882"><p>Sig,</p><p>I hear you when you write about unresolved conflicts. You did the right thing inviting him to the grad festivities (by the way...Way To Go PC17 <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/hi5.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":hi5:" title="hi5 :hi5:" data-shortname=":hi5:" />!). The radio silence is problem. a result of the, "Uh-oh, now that I'm gonna be in the area, what the heck do I do about awkward family activities I managed to avoid last semester?" The ball is in his court now regarding the Brewers game, etc. </p><p>My guess is he's had time to reflect, he's been at least feigning independence, he earns his own money, and I guess he's still happy with girlfriend. She's probably trying to show you she's a genuinely good person by going overboard with the thank you card for the birthday card. I think she wants to mend fences on his behalf, and probably has no idea why you're not more loosey-goosey like her Dad.</p><p>Thing is, I'm sure you and husband made it crystal clear in January what your boundaries are, and difficult child has respected them. He is polite but distant, he still remembered Mother's Day, and he still loves his brothers. It's just a lifestyle conflict between you, and it's the huge elephant in the room and it can't be ignored or glossed over.</p><p>Would you and husband want to meet difficult child for lunch one day before graduation and kind of talk things through and get the initial reintroductory awkwardness out of the way? You don't have to budge on your beliefs, nor does he. You can just honestly acknowledge that you know he still loves your family, you still love him, you want him to participate in family milestones, but you still don't agree with his lifestyle. You are leaving the door open for him to swallow his pride (like that would ever happen - lol), and maybe give him some space to think about what he's missed. No hysterics, no judgement, just honest, adult discourse that I know will just kill you as you restrain yourself from leaping across the table and strangling him - I know that would be my reaction, anyway! difficult child just showing up cold at a big deal like a graduation weekend without some private, pleasant re-entry might be uncomfortable all around. I wouldn't invite girlfriend to the lunch - just private betw. difficult child, you and husband.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Calamity Jane, post: 533071, member: 13882"] Sig, I hear you when you write about unresolved conflicts. You did the right thing inviting him to the grad festivities (by the way...Way To Go PC17 :hi5:!). The radio silence is problem. a result of the, "Uh-oh, now that I'm gonna be in the area, what the heck do I do about awkward family activities I managed to avoid last semester?" The ball is in his court now regarding the Brewers game, etc. My guess is he's had time to reflect, he's been at least feigning independence, he earns his own money, and I guess he's still happy with girlfriend. She's probably trying to show you she's a genuinely good person by going overboard with the thank you card for the birthday card. I think she wants to mend fences on his behalf, and probably has no idea why you're not more loosey-goosey like her Dad. Thing is, I'm sure you and husband made it crystal clear in January what your boundaries are, and difficult child has respected them. He is polite but distant, he still remembered Mother's Day, and he still loves his brothers. It's just a lifestyle conflict between you, and it's the huge elephant in the room and it can't be ignored or glossed over. Would you and husband want to meet difficult child for lunch one day before graduation and kind of talk things through and get the initial reintroductory awkwardness out of the way? You don't have to budge on your beliefs, nor does he. You can just honestly acknowledge that you know he still loves your family, you still love him, you want him to participate in family milestones, but you still don't agree with his lifestyle. You are leaving the door open for him to swallow his pride (like that would ever happen - lol), and maybe give him some space to think about what he's missed. No hysterics, no judgement, just honest, adult discourse that I know will just kill you as you restrain yourself from leaping across the table and strangling him - I know that would be my reaction, anyway! difficult child just showing up cold at a big deal like a graduation weekend without some private, pleasant re-entry might be uncomfortable all around. I wouldn't invite girlfriend to the lunch - just private betw. difficult child, you and husband. [/QUOTE]
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I *think* difficult child will be back in town soon. here we go again...
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