Nichole called me a bit ago and told me not to tell exbf where she is living. I asked her why I would do that? It was sort of a jumbled mess, but evidently they got into an argument when she went to pick up Aubrey for the day (I'm assuming she brought Jerk Man along) Then she told me that exbf told her she couldn't take Aubrey to bff's husband's house. And that he was going to file for custody. She took Aubrey anyway. But she is livid over the custody thing. Saying that he was a horrid Dad and that he wasn't in Aubrey's life the first 3 yrs. That did it. I told her to hold on. Exbf saw that child 7 days a week for the past 5 yrs and she knew it, who the heck did she think she was claiming he hasn't been in her life?? Oh, but Mom I FORCED him to do it!! Uh, sorry no. I said funny, but I don't seem to recall you having a problem with how much time exbf spent with the child until just this very moment. She said she's not taking Aubrey home. That caused me to snap. I told her she needed to start using her brain. Aubrey has no business being in that house. Why not Mom? She's safe here........I said Nichole, that child has had her world turned upside down, first she has her family, then she doesn't, Mommy is gone, she's moved in with grandparents, and Mommy now wants her to live with this strange man.......What in hades girl are you thinking?? Of course she hung up on me because my dear difficult child can not handle the truth. Knowing she wasn't about to answer the phone, I chose her method to have my say. I PMed her via fb. She made the mistake of telling me a few days ago one of the reasons she likes exbff's husband so much is because he tells her like it is whether she wants to her it or not. Alrighty then. I let her have it straight up, pulling no punches. I told her it was one thing for her to make decisions and do things that mess up her own life but when she brings children into the mess she's crossed the line. I pointed out to her in detail every moral in her own code that she has broken in the past couple of weeks, including walking out on her own child. I pointed out exactly how she is hurting people she claims to love and care about. And I followed it with I no more believe she is in love/lust with Jerk Man than the man on the moon. Because when someone really feels like that for another person they don't hide, lie, lash out at those around them. Told her she thinks she's an adult and can make her own decision, then she needs to grow up and face the fact that what she says and does affects the people she loves. And that adults think with their brain, not simply react with pure emotion. I told her what needed to be said, all of it. I held nothing back. Surprisingly the bulk of it had much more to do with her behavior than anything to do with exbff's husband. Now I'm out of it. I said my piece and she can either face up to the truth or she can play victim. Her choice. I gave her plenty to think about. And I told her my door would always be open. Whatever happens now happens. I really hope she doesn't push this issue of custody. Because I won't be siding with my child. Exbf is not perfect, but his home is safe and without abuse. I'll be d*mned if I'll sit on my hands and let her move Aubrey into an abusive home. Nichole can be self destructive as much as she wants, she has no right to drag that baby into it. So I've flunked detachment. Oh, well. Someone had to tell her like it REALLY is and no one else was stepping up to the plate. I did what I had to do in order to live with myself. Hopefully now I really can start detaching.