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I Think I Just Flunked Detachment 101
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 352085" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>Thank you all for your support and prayers through this horrible mess. I don't know how I'd have gotten through it without you all, and the prayers as well.</p><p></p><p>I still don't know what started this mess off........not sure I really want to know anyway. But evidently exbf, whatever he did that first night hurt Nichole deeply. Evidently, bff's husband saw an opportunity and took advantage and she just mega spiraled from there. Then sort of had given up hope and starting drowning in emotion. While it does not excuse her behavior.....and she knows that.......it is something I can truly understand because I've been there done that a time or two myself in my younger days. I know exactly what that feels like and how difficult it can be to pull yourself out of it. I'm lucky enough to seem to have a "built in brake" (old therapist used to call it my survivor's instinct) that would kick in and help me snap out of it. Nichole doesn't seem to have a brake. She didn't know how to make it stop.</p><p></p><p>For years I've attempted to teach her how......but I'm not sure if it can be taught, or maybe I'm just not equipped to teach how. I've always been the one to "talk her down" and back to reason. That I am good at. I've had plenty of family members to practice on over the years. sigh But I'm not going to always be there to be her brake. She's has somehow got to learn how to do it on her own.</p><p></p><p>She left bff's husband's house this evening with all her clothes and went to easy child's house. She does look her more normal self, but seeing the deep pain in her eyes is really hard to take. So I made light conversation and didn't look too closely. Her remorse is very very real. Repercussions from one's actions can sure be heavy.</p><p></p><p>I don't know why she chose easy child's. Could have been a lot of things. But the fact that sister in law is over 6 feet of solid muscle and is armed to the nines and not afraid in the least to defend home and family probably played a big part of it. And he won't be going back to work for a few days. She is safe now where she is. (thank God) </p><p></p><p>Nichole and exbf are talking......a good sort of talking. Seems they both are quite guilty in this disaster. Both are taking responsibility. I swear I've never seen that in either of them before. Exbf spoke to me last night and at this point he still loves her very much but he doesn't know what he wants due to the trust issue. I encouraged lots and lots of honest talking for both of them, if that works......some slow more talking and dating a bit......and then see where that leads them. Unfortunately people can't heal from this sort of thing as fast as it can cause a break up. In the meantime they will be sharing custody, Aubrey with Nichole for half of the week and with ex boyfriend the other half. (as long as she stays away from Jerk Man)</p><p></p><p>I'm hoping she goes back into treatment. Maybe a new diagnosis is in order. Maybe not. But she was sliding down the hole before this happened........I could see warning signs that were bothering me.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 352085, member: 84"] Thank you all for your support and prayers through this horrible mess. I don't know how I'd have gotten through it without you all, and the prayers as well. I still don't know what started this mess off........not sure I really want to know anyway. But evidently exbf, whatever he did that first night hurt Nichole deeply. Evidently, bff's husband saw an opportunity and took advantage and she just mega spiraled from there. Then sort of had given up hope and starting drowning in emotion. While it does not excuse her behavior.....and she knows that.......it is something I can truly understand because I've been there done that a time or two myself in my younger days. I know exactly what that feels like and how difficult it can be to pull yourself out of it. I'm lucky enough to seem to have a "built in brake" (old therapist used to call it my survivor's instinct) that would kick in and help me snap out of it. Nichole doesn't seem to have a brake. She didn't know how to make it stop. For years I've attempted to teach her how......but I'm not sure if it can be taught, or maybe I'm just not equipped to teach how. I've always been the one to "talk her down" and back to reason. That I am good at. I've had plenty of family members to practice on over the years. sigh But I'm not going to always be there to be her brake. She's has somehow got to learn how to do it on her own. She left bff's husband's house this evening with all her clothes and went to easy child's house. She does look her more normal self, but seeing the deep pain in her eyes is really hard to take. So I made light conversation and didn't look too closely. Her remorse is very very real. Repercussions from one's actions can sure be heavy. I don't know why she chose easy child's. Could have been a lot of things. But the fact that sister in law is over 6 feet of solid muscle and is armed to the nines and not afraid in the least to defend home and family probably played a big part of it. And he won't be going back to work for a few days. She is safe now where she is. (thank God) Nichole and exbf are talking......a good sort of talking. Seems they both are quite guilty in this disaster. Both are taking responsibility. I swear I've never seen that in either of them before. Exbf spoke to me last night and at this point he still loves her very much but he doesn't know what he wants due to the trust issue. I encouraged lots and lots of honest talking for both of them, if that works......some slow more talking and dating a bit......and then see where that leads them. Unfortunately people can't heal from this sort of thing as fast as it can cause a break up. In the meantime they will be sharing custody, Aubrey with Nichole for half of the week and with ex boyfriend the other half. (as long as she stays away from Jerk Man) I'm hoping she goes back into treatment. Maybe a new diagnosis is in order. Maybe not. But she was sliding down the hole before this happened........I could see warning signs that were bothering me. [/QUOTE]
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