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I think I may have lost my son today
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 734493" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I have been wondering how you are....</p><p></p><p>Some thoughts (borrowed):</p><p></p><p>There's nothing fair in love and war.</p><p></p><p>Lean in.</p><p></p><p>Nothing good goes unpunished.</p><p></p><p>It's not over til it's over.</p><p></p><p>Pick your battles.</p><p></p><p>____</p><p></p><p>Me:</p><p></p><p>As I have read your posts I have come to believe you have been motivated by and governed by:</p><p></p><p>Providing your son with the best treatment you can, so that he matures to be a functional, content and decent person.</p><p></p><p>Supporting his functional prosocial behavior.</p><p></p><p>Keep him safe and contained, so that his current impulsive, self destructive, aggressive, self defeating behavior is contained.</p><p></p><p>_____</p><p></p><p>I have seen nothing that makes me think you are engaged in a war, or seek control. While you have suffered greatly, I have admired the extent you have been able to keep your eyes on the ball, and your own needs out of this. To the contrary. You have been guided by love and responsibility.</p><p></p><p>____</p><p></p><p>That said. of course we get triggered. Of course this gets personal (To whit, yesterday I called my son evil, repeatedly, screaming like a deranged person.)</p><p></p><p>Please strike that last image from your minds So that I can proceed in a professional demeanor. Thank you.</p><p></p><p>____</p><p></p><p>Most of our kids have acted from this playbook. While we react, the important thing is to regain your composure and perspective. See above.</p><p></p><p>To repeat: </p><p></p><p>Long game.</p><p>Keep safe.</p><p>Get him treatment.</p><p>Keep your sanity. And better. Your life. Your beautiful life</p><p></p><p>____</p><p>You do not ask for my advise but I will give it. I would try not to engage. I would stay focused on my plan and priorities and not be distracted by his. To engage with him is to give him power. In reality he has none. You do. He is a little gnat. Don't make him king Kong.</p><p></p><p>___</p><p></p><p>There is documentation of murderous behavior by him if not intent.</p><p></p><p>You are known intimately by hundreds of people.</p><p></p><p>Three professionals have been overseeing your family life</p><p></p><p>End of story.</p><p></p><p>PS my son last night week told the police we were abusing him. He is 29 and 6'2". M is 5'5". Me, close to that. And old. Give me a break. Many, many times he called the cops on us to put us in jail. Give me a break.</p><p></p><p>We are playing the long game. Why? Because we are their parents.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry this is happening. Be kind to yourself.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 734493, member: 18958"] I have been wondering how you are.... Some thoughts (borrowed): There's nothing fair in love and war. Lean in. Nothing good goes unpunished. It's not over til it's over. Pick your battles. ____ Me: As I have read your posts I have come to believe you have been motivated by and governed by: Providing your son with the best treatment you can, so that he matures to be a functional, content and decent person. Supporting his functional prosocial behavior. Keep him safe and contained, so that his current impulsive, self destructive, aggressive, self defeating behavior is contained. _____ I have seen nothing that makes me think you are engaged in a war, or seek control. While you have suffered greatly, I have admired the extent you have been able to keep your eyes on the ball, and your own needs out of this. To the contrary. You have been guided by love and responsibility. ____ That said. of course we get triggered. Of course this gets personal (To whit, yesterday I called my son evil, repeatedly, screaming like a deranged person.) Please strike that last image from your minds So that I can proceed in a professional demeanor. Thank you. ____ Most of our kids have acted from this playbook. While we react, the important thing is to regain your composure and perspective. See above. To repeat: Long game. Keep safe. Get him treatment. Keep your sanity. And better. Your life. Your beautiful life ____ You do not ask for my advise but I will give it. I would try not to engage. I would stay focused on my plan and priorities and not be distracted by his. To engage with him is to give him power. In reality he has none. You do. He is a little gnat. Don't make him king Kong. ___ There is documentation of murderous behavior by him if not intent. You are known intimately by hundreds of people. Three professionals have been overseeing your family life End of story. PS my son last night week told the police we were abusing him. He is 29 and 6'2". M is 5'5". Me, close to that. And old. Give me a break. Many, many times he called the cops on us to put us in jail. Give me a break. We are playing the long game. Why? Because we are their parents. I am sorry this is happening. Be kind to yourself. [/QUOTE]
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I think I may have lost my son today
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