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Substance Abuse
I think I'm done.... I can't live a lie
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 696373" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Yes. I work in this environment too.</p><p></p><p>I make it a practice to speak out loud what shames me. I feel that by doing so, I air things out for myself and actually do my part for others too. It is remarkable how the prisoners respond to this humbling of myself. Or maybe it is more accurately phrased allowing myself to be seen as fully human. They adore it. They become giddy-almost-gleeful. I believe they feel more compassion for themselves.</p><p></p><p>But I do it only for me. I do it with my bosses and co-workers too sometimes, whose only impulse is to assess my relative weakness, or to have the goods on me, to see me as less of a threat. It it this that is harder for me, because I feel vulnerable and afraid sometimes of retaliation. But I tell myself: What more can they do to me that they will not do anyway, if they choose? My making myself vulnerable only strengthens me. That is how I feel. People are responsible for their own acts. I am learning that I am not. Only my own acts, am I responsible for.</p><p> But MOF these men find support from each other, many of them. Not all. And those who are preyed upon at least in my own state find some degree of refuge, first in sensitive needs yards (protective custody) or ultimately in state hospitals.But in my state we are under receivership. The Feds are in charge, protecting the prisoners. A good thing. How much longer it will last I do not know, but it has had marvelous and wonderful effects.</p><p></p><p>Tell your husband that I admire his work. I have sometimes thought of getting a certificate as a chaplain, to re-enter prison in this capacity because I believe they are much more unfettered in their influence and potential to reach the prisoners. I won't do it, I do not think. I am old already. I have had enough of prisons. For the better part of 20 years is enough. It is nice that we share this bond MOF.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 696373, member: 18958"] Yes. I work in this environment too. I make it a practice to speak out loud what shames me. I feel that by doing so, I air things out for myself and actually do my part for others too. It is remarkable how the prisoners respond to this humbling of myself. Or maybe it is more accurately phrased allowing myself to be seen as fully human. They adore it. They become giddy-almost-gleeful. I believe they feel more compassion for themselves. But I do it only for me. I do it with my bosses and co-workers too sometimes, whose only impulse is to assess my relative weakness, or to have the goods on me, to see me as less of a threat. It it this that is harder for me, because I feel vulnerable and afraid sometimes of retaliation. But I tell myself: What more can they do to me that they will not do anyway, if they choose? My making myself vulnerable only strengthens me. That is how I feel. People are responsible for their own acts. I am learning that I am not. Only my own acts, am I responsible for. But MOF these men find support from each other, many of them. Not all. And those who are preyed upon at least in my own state find some degree of refuge, first in sensitive needs yards (protective custody) or ultimately in state hospitals.But in my state we are under receivership. The Feds are in charge, protecting the prisoners. A good thing. How much longer it will last I do not know, but it has had marvelous and wonderful effects. Tell your husband that I admire his work. I have sometimes thought of getting a certificate as a chaplain, to re-enter prison in this capacity because I believe they are much more unfettered in their influence and potential to reach the prisoners. I won't do it, I do not think. I am old already. I have had enough of prisons. For the better part of 20 years is enough. It is nice that we share this bond MOF. [/QUOTE]
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I think I'm done.... I can't live a lie
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