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I think I've been disowned
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 464370" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>My mom used to be toxic. As a paranoid schizophrenic, she used to be <strong>really</strong> toxic. The mental illness made it so much more severe. It was hard to tell how much was the illness and how much was her actual personality or even if there was really a difference. </p><p></p><p>I've been disowned over the years so many times it seriously is not funny. I recall one particular nasty time, actually it was the last time, and husband tried like crazy to get me to fix it somehow.....afraid that I'd be devistated. Uh, no. I just told him I needed the break. If she changed her mind? Well, the woman did give birth to me. But she'd respect me as a person or she could keep her distance. I wasn't the least bit upset. </p><p></p><p>It had been particularly nasty because that time while she was tearing me down and "beating" me up for behavior and thinking along lines she didn't approve of......I turned around and threw it right back at her, and I held nothing back. I stayed tactful, but I really let her have it. And in all honesty? She deserved it, she needed to hear it.</p><p></p><p>I told husband it wouldn't be long and I'd get a phone call from her. Sure enough she lasted 3 days, called me sobbing and apologizing. I stood my ground. I accepted her apology, but I also demanded respect too. </p><p></p><p>Our relationship began to change after that. Very slowly at first. A paranoid control freak can't change their spots instantly. She back slided several times over the years. I quickly corrected her and continued to stand my ground. And now.......it's no longer an issue and hasn't been for a few years. Which is nice as it's let us develop a real relationship which we've never had before.</p><p></p><p>But to be fair? My grandma technically raised me. So when my mom would pull her disowning routines it just didn't have the effect she wanted it to have. Until recent years I just wasn't that emotionally invested in her. So I realize it's much harder to do that with a mother who has raised you. Because my sibs sure can't manage to do it, so they're still putting up with her koi. </p><p></p><p>First I'd ask her about the SS numbers. Then? I wouldn't give them to her. She has no right to know something so personal and, while she's your mom and I'm sure you trust her, you have no idea who else could get hold of those numbers and what they would/could use them for.</p><p></p><p>About this koi with her not believing dxes.......eh, I'd have to go toe to toe to some extent. She can disagree when she can show her medical degree to you. Until then? She needs to learn to hold her tongue. </p><p></p><p>Hugs</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 464370, member: 84"] My mom used to be toxic. As a paranoid schizophrenic, she used to be [B]really[/B] toxic. The mental illness made it so much more severe. It was hard to tell how much was the illness and how much was her actual personality or even if there was really a difference. I've been disowned over the years so many times it seriously is not funny. I recall one particular nasty time, actually it was the last time, and husband tried like crazy to get me to fix it somehow.....afraid that I'd be devistated. Uh, no. I just told him I needed the break. If she changed her mind? Well, the woman did give birth to me. But she'd respect me as a person or she could keep her distance. I wasn't the least bit upset. It had been particularly nasty because that time while she was tearing me down and "beating" me up for behavior and thinking along lines she didn't approve of......I turned around and threw it right back at her, and I held nothing back. I stayed tactful, but I really let her have it. And in all honesty? She deserved it, she needed to hear it. I told husband it wouldn't be long and I'd get a phone call from her. Sure enough she lasted 3 days, called me sobbing and apologizing. I stood my ground. I accepted her apology, but I also demanded respect too. Our relationship began to change after that. Very slowly at first. A paranoid control freak can't change their spots instantly. She back slided several times over the years. I quickly corrected her and continued to stand my ground. And now.......it's no longer an issue and hasn't been for a few years. Which is nice as it's let us develop a real relationship which we've never had before. But to be fair? My grandma technically raised me. So when my mom would pull her disowning routines it just didn't have the effect she wanted it to have. Until recent years I just wasn't that emotionally invested in her. So I realize it's much harder to do that with a mother who has raised you. Because my sibs sure can't manage to do it, so they're still putting up with her koi. First I'd ask her about the SS numbers. Then? I wouldn't give them to her. She has no right to know something so personal and, while she's your mom and I'm sure you trust her, you have no idea who else could get hold of those numbers and what they would/could use them for. About this koi with her not believing dxes.......eh, I'd have to go toe to toe to some extent. She can disagree when she can show her medical degree to you. Until then? She needs to learn to hold her tongue. Hugs [/QUOTE]
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