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I think my easy child is turning into a difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 575761" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>I'm sorry she is giving you grief. And also sorry she is having tough time. </p><p></p><p>I think your therapist is likely right and this is only a phase. That doesn't mean you couldn't and shouldn't draw some boundaries her treatment of you. But if you are up to it, letting her unwind a little can also be helpful. I was a little bit of similar position as her when I was young. My mother was a difficult child, not a bad person at all and I loved her dearly (and miss her so much now.) But when I was a child she was not able to take an adult responsibility of me or many other things and provide me a safe place to be a child and grow. I had to be the one who was an 'adult', had to be a rock for her. I was very much a easy child and people probably thought I coped extremely well. Some ways I did. But when I got older, moved out, had a place of my own I could feel safe at, had my first serious relationships, soon after met husband etc. I started to react. My relationship with my mother was very rocky for few years, I did some very difficult child things and then slowly grew out of that phase. First going to other extreme (I was insufferable stuck up when my boys were young and still had hard time with my mom) and then slowly growing out of that too. Unfortunately my mom got sicked rather soon after we have managed to get our relationship better again and she dies a decade ago soon after I had also lost my grandparents who had been the rocks for me during my childhood. Now I of course regret those missed years with her when our relationship was bad, but I also think that it had to be so. I had to go through that phase to grow up.</p><p></p><p>In your situation, you have been able to be a safe parent for your daughter several years already. But it takes time for kids to really trust that. To feel that you will be okay even if they rebel. And finding a boyfriend, new emotional attachment outside of your home, has most likely been a catalyst for her starting to react. Does she has any trusted adults outside your closest family? Grandparent, aunt, family friend, anything like that? If she does, could you ask that person to talk with your daughter about how she is doing and maybe encourage her to look for some counselling from his college health centre or somewhere else? I think it would help her greatly if she would have opportunity to talk about her issues with someone professional. it could help her get over this phase much quicker and you would loose less years over it. And those years can be so precious.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 575761, member: 14557"] I'm sorry she is giving you grief. And also sorry she is having tough time. I think your therapist is likely right and this is only a phase. That doesn't mean you couldn't and shouldn't draw some boundaries her treatment of you. But if you are up to it, letting her unwind a little can also be helpful. I was a little bit of similar position as her when I was young. My mother was a difficult child, not a bad person at all and I loved her dearly (and miss her so much now.) But when I was a child she was not able to take an adult responsibility of me or many other things and provide me a safe place to be a child and grow. I had to be the one who was an 'adult', had to be a rock for her. I was very much a easy child and people probably thought I coped extremely well. Some ways I did. But when I got older, moved out, had a place of my own I could feel safe at, had my first serious relationships, soon after met husband etc. I started to react. My relationship with my mother was very rocky for few years, I did some very difficult child things and then slowly grew out of that phase. First going to other extreme (I was insufferable stuck up when my boys were young and still had hard time with my mom) and then slowly growing out of that too. Unfortunately my mom got sicked rather soon after we have managed to get our relationship better again and she dies a decade ago soon after I had also lost my grandparents who had been the rocks for me during my childhood. Now I of course regret those missed years with her when our relationship was bad, but I also think that it had to be so. I had to go through that phase to grow up. In your situation, you have been able to be a safe parent for your daughter several years already. But it takes time for kids to really trust that. To feel that you will be okay even if they rebel. And finding a boyfriend, new emotional attachment outside of your home, has most likely been a catalyst for her starting to react. Does she has any trusted adults outside your closest family? Grandparent, aunt, family friend, anything like that? If she does, could you ask that person to talk with your daughter about how she is doing and maybe encourage her to look for some counselling from his college health centre or somewhere else? I think it would help her greatly if she would have opportunity to talk about her issues with someone professional. it could help her get over this phase much quicker and you would loose less years over it. And those years can be so precious. [/QUOTE]
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