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I Think We Are Getting Better
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 598413" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Barbara, I was so glad to read your post this morning, it made me smile to think of you and your husband "calm and in a good mood." I completely understand your perceptions and feelings, having crawled out of a similar place of fear, dread and denial, facing the truth and accepting what is, although as WTW says is daunting and sad, it is also liberating. We just can't keep trying to control and fix someone who has no intention of being controlled or fixed........... and really getting that deep inside frees us from the throes of that pattern of enabling and suffering. I am relieved that you have slipped into acceptance. I believe detaching is all the work we do to let go and acceptance is what happens once we do.</p><p></p><p>As I mentioned, I am on vacation and have noticed that this time, unlike the last time we left town when my difficult child was in her usual state of turmoil and drama, I am not wrapped up in it, it doesn't overtake me and bring me to a painful place. I do think of her, daily, she crosses my mind, I wonder if she is okay, but it is a fleeting feeling, the thought enters my mind, I remember that I can't do a darn thing about anything and I let it go and continue in my own moment. I think that is probably as good as it gets. They are our daughters, we love them............ and we have finally understood............ we are powerless. All we can do is accept that. Or we will suffer the agonies of the ****ed and I am no longer willing to do that. </p><p></p><p>I like your idea of volunteering, it is a good thing to be of service and it has a soothing impact since it takes us out of ourselves and connects us with others. You and your husband have been through a war, a battleground which is devastating and depleting, now that there are once again smiles on your faces, go have those Manhattans again, go to dinner and celebrate life, dance, take a weekend jaunt to a favored place...........ENJOY life Barbara, make the most out of each moment.................many hugs coming your way, I am proud of you for walking through this fire and coming out OK.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 598413, member: 13542"] Barbara, I was so glad to read your post this morning, it made me smile to think of you and your husband "calm and in a good mood." I completely understand your perceptions and feelings, having crawled out of a similar place of fear, dread and denial, facing the truth and accepting what is, although as WTW says is daunting and sad, it is also liberating. We just can't keep trying to control and fix someone who has no intention of being controlled or fixed........... and really getting that deep inside frees us from the throes of that pattern of enabling and suffering. I am relieved that you have slipped into acceptance. I believe detaching is all the work we do to let go and acceptance is what happens once we do. As I mentioned, I am on vacation and have noticed that this time, unlike the last time we left town when my difficult child was in her usual state of turmoil and drama, I am not wrapped up in it, it doesn't overtake me and bring me to a painful place. I do think of her, daily, she crosses my mind, I wonder if she is okay, but it is a fleeting feeling, the thought enters my mind, I remember that I can't do a darn thing about anything and I let it go and continue in my own moment. I think that is probably as good as it gets. They are our daughters, we love them............ and we have finally understood............ we are powerless. All we can do is accept that. Or we will suffer the agonies of the ****ed and I am no longer willing to do that. I like your idea of volunteering, it is a good thing to be of service and it has a soothing impact since it takes us out of ourselves and connects us with others. You and your husband have been through a war, a battleground which is devastating and depleting, now that there are once again smiles on your faces, go have those Manhattans again, go to dinner and celebrate life, dance, take a weekend jaunt to a favored place...........ENJOY life Barbara, make the most out of each moment.................many hugs coming your way, I am proud of you for walking through this fire and coming out OK. [/QUOTE]
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