I think You Will Be Proud of How I handled It...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by DaisyFace, Feb 29, 2012.

  1. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    difficult child came home from school - was NOT speaking to me.

    The bus was late, so I asked her about it....a couple of times before she answered - and then she let go. Began cursing and swearing at me. Demanded to know how long I was taking her instruments - and said she didn't care anyway cause she knew they were hidden in my room. I could just keep them there!

    So then I told her about the pawn shop - and that they were there for 90 days.

    The she started REALLY freaking out - called me names, screamed, yelled...

    And I tried really hard to remain calm. I told her that she will not speak to me that way. And I said my piece. I said that I am tired of all the "little white lies", all the half-truths and omissions and the bs stories.

    At that point, I heard a new story about how difficult child went to a girlfiend's house to catch the bus. And she didn't tell me because as she said " I choose not to speak to you. I'm sorry but that's YOUR fault."

    I said that she cannot blame me, nor apologize on behalf. If she chooses not to speak to me (and I gestured to her note) or if you choose to leave that is YOUR choice - but I am not putting up with that. And I am NOT putting up with blame and being told that *I* need to assume and *I* should know. You want me to know something - you tell me.

    I explained that she didn't tell anyone you were leaving. She was not there when I looked for her - and when I opened her door and she was gone, my heart just dropped. She began saying something about how that's not how other people feel. Really? I asked her. You don't know how it feels to find something missing?

    She explained that SHE knows that SHE feels bad when something is missing - but she doesn't believe that other people feel that way....especially not husband and I. I told her that is EXACTLY how we feel when something we love is missing. I told her that I understood that she probably wasn't thinking about how we felt when she took off. difficult child admitted that was true.

    I told her that rather than threatening me, or blaming me - she needs to start by apologizing to me!

    So she did. She apologized. I gave her a big hug. I told her "Thank you!".

    She was crying by that point, and so was I - but she pulled herself together and walked to her job.

    I'm still a little numb....but I think that may have been a breakthrough. Among other things, she admitted that she knows that I love her.

  2. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Yay warrior mom! Hopefully some of that will stick with her, too.
  3. keista

    keista New Member


    Great job!
  4. totiredtofight

    totiredtofight New Member

    yay !!! way to go mom and difficult child !!!:hi5:
  5. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    You did FAR FAR BETTER than I would have done!!!

    Now tell husband to go stuff it, YOU're getting away. An hour, a day - matters not.
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    VERY good.
    Great communication and accountability. You got her attention with-the instruments, and you held her attention until she absorbed the information. I just hope she takes it to heart.
  7. Hopeless

    Hopeless ....Hopeful Now

    Good job warrior mom, but I think you need that break for a little bit :). My husband was always away on weekends and that is usually when all the major difficult child junk would happen and it was all on me to handle. I hated my life at that point and thought many times about just leaving the whole situation.
  8. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I have a huge lump in my throat. Yes, I AM proud of you... and I am sure that is no big deal what I think but it is really great how you helped her to learn about how her actions affect others. Really nice that you connected with her too. Sometimes I am finding it hard after intense sessions of icky behavior to even act forgiving.... I try to but it can be so hard at times. You did a great job...
    nanny nanny boo boo to husband (yeah, that's mature).
  9. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Thank you for the votes of confidence!

    nanny nanny boo boo to husband - I like it!

    Believe it or not - I had to have a confrontation with him where HE tried to blame ME for HIS attitude. Ugh! No way ! Not today, mister!!!! So angry that he tried to pull that one!

    He ended up bringing home chocolate ice cream as a "peace offering".

    I am exhausted! Just emotionally drained...

    Thank you all for being there for me these past two days. I don't know what i would have done without you!
  10. shellyd67

    shellyd67 Active Member

    :no1mom: Way To Go DF !!!!!!
  11. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I am proud of you... you've done good! :warrior:
  12. llamafarm

    llamafarm Member

    Wow. That is not easy to do! Well done!
  13. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member


    The challenge is... this is a beginning, not an end.
    Now its a matter of finding ways to build on it...
    But you've come this far... and you can and you will...
    (and we're still behind you)
  14. GwenM

    GwenM New Member

    Great job. You did a lot better than I could have. I don't think I would have been able to keep my composure. Hopefully this is a step in the right direction. HUGS.
  15. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    Daisy, I don't know what I would do without your honesty. It's raw and it's out there. I will never be the perfect parent.
  16. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    You are a far more patient and stronger woman that I am! You did great. I hope that difficult child will hold onto what happened last night and use that as a stepping stone to a better relationship with you.

    And as far as husband and his "peace offering"? I would have taken and ice cream and told him where to go. Really, far more patience than me!

    It's been a long two days for you. I hope you get a few days to decompress and recharge your batteries.