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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 673510" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Happy Thanksgiving UAN---let's have a good one, no matter what "they" do or don't do.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Did you decide to go? If you did go, that is understandable. If you aren't going, that is understandable too. You aren't rotten. People get "done" at different points in time. Perhaps your husband isn't done? But maybe YOU ARE DONE.</p><p></p><p>I think we have to decide what we are willing to put ourselves through. Yesterday, I kind of told Difficult Child off on the phone. I have been working and working and working to be patient and loving and supportive during this difficult time for him, with his recent diagnosis of Hep C and everything else, but you know, I am not going to keep quiet when every phone call is a pity party and then he strikes off on his own to do really dumb things about insurance, etc., but of course, still wants help from me.</p><p></p><p>Even though he has made truly tremendous progress, it's not all flowers and hearts, of course.</p><p></p><p>I told him his attitude needed to change, and that he needs to slow it all way down and think before he acts. Also, he doesn't know anything about health insurance, and readily admits that, and so when we are trying to help him understand he either needs to listen or...you know what...you figure it out and then call me in a month or two.</p><p></p><p>Boundaries. Boundaries are needed in every single relationship we have. We teach people how to treat us. </p><p></p><p>We must learn to learn and respect ourselves and to let people know when they have gone too far with us and invaded our peace and serenity. My life has been very challenging since last week when Difficult Child</p><p>was in the hospital. We were planning to go to my family's for Thanksgiving and decided not to go, and they have given me grief about not coming since then.</p><p></p><p>Whatever. That's fine, but as I told them, I'm really sorry I can't be there, and I would love to be there, but right here is where I need to be right now.</p><p></p><p>It is what it is. I am going to determine my own life. I love my family but my priorities are different than theirs.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Of course you do! Why wouldn't you? Setting strong boundaries with the son who continually uses you is the only pathway to peace. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Great excuse not to go. I hope you feel better soon. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You may be. Depends on him and his actions. If nothing changes, nothing changes. You have to be the first change, and it sounds like you are moving in that direction. We have to face reality about people, even people we love so very much. You are not unfeeling and cold. You have been ***burned*** over and over again and I believe it IS PTSD.</p><p></p><p>We have to find our own peace, and then, we have to be willing to defend that peace. I don't think there is one thing wrong with that.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there. Happy Thanksgiving! Let us know how you are. We get it, and we care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 673510, member: 17542"] Happy Thanksgiving UAN---let's have a good one, no matter what "they" do or don't do. Did you decide to go? If you did go, that is understandable. If you aren't going, that is understandable too. You aren't rotten. People get "done" at different points in time. Perhaps your husband isn't done? But maybe YOU ARE DONE. I think we have to decide what we are willing to put ourselves through. Yesterday, I kind of told Difficult Child off on the phone. I have been working and working and working to be patient and loving and supportive during this difficult time for him, with his recent diagnosis of Hep C and everything else, but you know, I am not going to keep quiet when every phone call is a pity party and then he strikes off on his own to do really dumb things about insurance, etc., but of course, still wants help from me. Even though he has made truly tremendous progress, it's not all flowers and hearts, of course. I told him his attitude needed to change, and that he needs to slow it all way down and think before he acts. Also, he doesn't know anything about health insurance, and readily admits that, and so when we are trying to help him understand he either needs to listen or...you know what...you figure it out and then call me in a month or two. Boundaries. Boundaries are needed in every single relationship we have. We teach people how to treat us. We must learn to learn and respect ourselves and to let people know when they have gone too far with us and invaded our peace and serenity. My life has been very challenging since last week when Difficult Child was in the hospital. We were planning to go to my family's for Thanksgiving and decided not to go, and they have given me grief about not coming since then. Whatever. That's fine, but as I told them, I'm really sorry I can't be there, and I would love to be there, but right here is where I need to be right now. It is what it is. I am going to determine my own life. I love my family but my priorities are different than theirs. Of course you do! Why wouldn't you? Setting strong boundaries with the son who continually uses you is the only pathway to peace. Great excuse not to go. I hope you feel better soon. You may be. Depends on him and his actions. If nothing changes, nothing changes. You have to be the first change, and it sounds like you are moving in that direction. We have to face reality about people, even people we love so very much. You are not unfeeling and cold. You have been ***burned*** over and over again and I believe it IS PTSD. We have to find our own peace, and then, we have to be willing to defend that peace. I don't think there is one thing wrong with that. Hang in there. Happy Thanksgiving! Let us know how you are. We get it, and we care. [/QUOTE]
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