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<blockquote data-quote="witzend" data-source="post: 184365" data-attributes="member: 99"><p>Susan that clears up a lot of the missing information. I'm not certain why when he came to Greenville that you brought him home to tell him that he couldn't come home. That's what coffee houses are for. Once he had one foot in the door, you were hooked.</p><p></p><p>I think that it is really important for everyone in general to write complete thoughts. "I did this because that motivated me and it made me feel..." or "and it ended up being..." Or stretch it out to a paragraph. You really actually haven't explained any of those things to use before. And at this point it is still only a recitation of the facts. Honestly, if you would just stick with one thought for each action that you do, you might understand why you do the things you do much better. </p><p></p><p>For example. Whatever reason it was that you brought him into your house, it was probably pretty stupid. Whatever reason you said he could move in for a limited period of time, it was probably pretty stupid. </p><p></p><p>This advice is for the "collective you", which is also the "collective we". It's not at all important for us to understand those stupid decisions. <strong>If you want to help yourself to help your son, it's <em>really</em> important that you understand why you made those stupid decisions.</strong> Because honestly, all you have to do is type it out a couple of times and read it back to yourself and see what it is that motivated you to make a stupid decision and how to avoid it in the future.</p><p></p><p>So, all in all, yes it cleared up some history. It didn't clear up what how you come to make those decisions. Was it the same pitfall each time? (I personally believe it is.) Was it a different reason each time? I believe that each and every time you think he is going to try to make you the hero of the story by allowing you to save him because of whatever BS story he is feeding you. </p><p></p><p>Please, Susan. If you need to post, post something along the lines of "difficult child called me from the station and we had a long talk. He said that he really needed to come home because... so we compromised by..." or "we bought into it and I really think it's going to work". The offhand remarks that he is living in your home after you ignored us for weeks is irritating at best and insulting to many of us who offered you advice over and over which you said you understood and would act upon. You are glibly posting that you did exactly the opposite of what we advised and opposite of what you promised you would do, with no reason whatsoever. I have talked to you about how irritating the group finds this to be before in a PM. Now I'm saying it in public because I think that it might help some to understand why we are so frustrated.</p><p></p><p>The next time you post, don't just hit that "post" or "reply" button after you give us "just the facts". Look at the post, and see if you explained why you did what you did, and if what you did is pleasing to you or if it makes you unhappy. It will be more benefit to you, and it will upset the group less. I'm going to PM this message to you as well, because I'm really not certain that you read the public messages. Even though you say you do.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="witzend, post: 184365, member: 99"] Susan that clears up a lot of the missing information. I'm not certain why when he came to Greenville that you brought him home to tell him that he couldn't come home. That's what coffee houses are for. Once he had one foot in the door, you were hooked. I think that it is really important for everyone in general to write complete thoughts. "I did this because that motivated me and it made me feel..." or "and it ended up being..." Or stretch it out to a paragraph. You really actually haven't explained any of those things to use before. And at this point it is still only a recitation of the facts. Honestly, if you would just stick with one thought for each action that you do, you might understand why you do the things you do much better. For example. Whatever reason it was that you brought him into your house, it was probably pretty stupid. Whatever reason you said he could move in for a limited period of time, it was probably pretty stupid. This advice is for the "collective you", which is also the "collective we". It's not at all important for us to understand those stupid decisions. [b]If you want to help yourself to help your son, it's [i]really[/i] important that you understand why you made those stupid decisions.[/b] Because honestly, all you have to do is type it out a couple of times and read it back to yourself and see what it is that motivated you to make a stupid decision and how to avoid it in the future. So, all in all, yes it cleared up some history. It didn't clear up what how you come to make those decisions. Was it the same pitfall each time? (I personally believe it is.) Was it a different reason each time? I believe that each and every time you think he is going to try to make you the hero of the story by allowing you to save him because of whatever BS story he is feeding you. Please, Susan. If you need to post, post something along the lines of "difficult child called me from the station and we had a long talk. He said that he really needed to come home because... so we compromised by..." or "we bought into it and I really think it's going to work". The offhand remarks that he is living in your home after you ignored us for weeks is irritating at best and insulting to many of us who offered you advice over and over which you said you understood and would act upon. You are glibly posting that you did exactly the opposite of what we advised and opposite of what you promised you would do, with no reason whatsoever. I have talked to you about how irritating the group finds this to be before in a PM. Now I'm saying it in public because I think that it might help some to understand why we are so frustrated. The next time you post, don't just hit that "post" or "reply" button after you give us "just the facts". Look at the post, and see if you explained why you did what you did, and if what you did is pleasing to you or if it makes you unhappy. It will be more benefit to you, and it will upset the group less. I'm going to PM this message to you as well, because I'm really not certain that you read the public messages. Even though you say you do. [/QUOTE]
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