Well I think I understand now why everyone was frustrated with me. Actually I have been going to a counselor and my husband is going too! I will be going to some classes where this counselor will speak at my church. she is trained in addiction and is very knowledgeable. My difficult child went with me the other day. He was very honest. She told him he needed inpatient treatment - she is a complete stranger to him - this session was not rehearsed. Anyway he is living with a friend that likes the same lifestyle except his wife or girlfriend whatever is pregnant! Their life will change in about 3 months. I dont know what my difficult child will do. I am concerned about it being so far from any way to get anywhere. He is checking into telemarketing as a job. How will he get there? I dont know. When will he get a GED? I dont know. My counselor really understands me I think. I couldnt help but cry in the session - I just have always felt like if my child died I would lose control of myself and never come back. It scares me. Thanks for helping me all these days. I think I am going to do better I hope.