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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 128303" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>I really did stick with being her landlady. She had to buy her own food, etc. I would go places and not invite her, nor would I bring her something back. I was friendly to her, would listen as she talked about her day and give advice pretty much as I would if she were any young person asking me. It killed me, but no hugs, kisses, no cuddling in bed watching a movie, none of the mommy stuff.</p><p> </p><p>She had been making little noises about not liking being a tenant. I would simply state she knew what she had to do to have it changed. Yesterday, a friend was in town that truly loves my daughter and insisted she come to lunch with us. I told my child I had some errands I had to run afterwards so she'd be stuck with me. She blossomed when I said that. So, we had lunch and started on errands, including a couple for her. Mind you, this is a kid who would rather die than do a bunch of errands unless it meant she would get something.</p><p> </p><p>After a library stop, we went to her bank. After she got out, she asked me if I could please be her Mom again. She'd still buy her own food, etc. if she had to but she missed me. I told her the rules hadn't changed even if she works 7 days a week. We did agree that she would write out her chore schedule weekly so that if her hours changed, she could still accomplish what was needed for that week.</p><p> </p><p>I did ask her what had changed her mind. She told me I wasn't as mean to her. I explained that was because I expected very little from a tenant -- pay the rent, pick up own messes, keep a semi-clean room and bathroom. I expect more from my daughter and when she can't or won't even do the basics, it causes resentment, frustration and hurt in me. </p><p> </p><p>I don't know if this will last but I'm hoping so. I've seen tremendous changes in her the past month -- more willingness to help with little things, actually got upset that I was doing HER chore of taking out the trash. </p><p> </p><p>For me, treating my child as a tenant was a hard, lonely thing to do. I love and cherish my daughter. I want her in my life. I am so happy to have her back.</p><p> </p><p>So, hopefully, this is the end of my saga. We'll still battle -- we're both very strongwilled -- but they'll be battles with love at the bottom of them. She'll still have issues, as we all do, but I think she'll become stronger because of them as she continues to mature.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 128303, member: 3626"] I really did stick with being her landlady. She had to buy her own food, etc. I would go places and not invite her, nor would I bring her something back. I was friendly to her, would listen as she talked about her day and give advice pretty much as I would if she were any young person asking me. It killed me, but no hugs, kisses, no cuddling in bed watching a movie, none of the mommy stuff. She had been making little noises about not liking being a tenant. I would simply state she knew what she had to do to have it changed. Yesterday, a friend was in town that truly loves my daughter and insisted she come to lunch with us. I told my child I had some errands I had to run afterwards so she'd be stuck with me. She blossomed when I said that. So, we had lunch and started on errands, including a couple for her. Mind you, this is a kid who would rather die than do a bunch of errands unless it meant she would get something. After a library stop, we went to her bank. After she got out, she asked me if I could please be her Mom again. She'd still buy her own food, etc. if she had to but she missed me. I told her the rules hadn't changed even if she works 7 days a week. We did agree that she would write out her chore schedule weekly so that if her hours changed, she could still accomplish what was needed for that week. I did ask her what had changed her mind. She told me I wasn't as mean to her. I explained that was because I expected very little from a tenant -- pay the rent, pick up own messes, keep a semi-clean room and bathroom. I expect more from my daughter and when she can't or won't even do the basics, it causes resentment, frustration and hurt in me. I don't know if this will last but I'm hoping so. I've seen tremendous changes in her the past month -- more willingness to help with little things, actually got upset that I was doing HER chore of taking out the trash. For me, treating my child as a tenant was a hard, lonely thing to do. I love and cherish my daughter. I want her in my life. I am so happy to have her back. So, hopefully, this is the end of my saga. We'll still battle -- we're both very strongwilled -- but they'll be battles with love at the bottom of them. She'll still have issues, as we all do, but I think she'll become stronger because of them as she continues to mature. [/QUOTE]
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