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<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 526191" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>I agree with the others, a huge difference for you is just catching up on what is going on with him and even with years of experience there are days like this so your job is exponentially harder. It is true they are often calmer once to the hospital or when the police even show up. One thing that can help if you are in an area where they dont listen to you....take video. I haven't had that experience, even when Q was calm he can't stop admitting what he did or saying what he would like to do so they all believe me. But for us, the justice system would be a waste of time, he is too low functioning to really learn much and actually would just pick up behaviors from being around others...has no clue how to navigate normal things socially so this would not work. Still if unsafe I have to do what I have to do.</p><p></p><p>I have two psychologists who work with us, one at home one in counseling at a brain injury/developmental disorder clinic...they both specialize in Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) and I have to tell you we have fired or had disasters with any other psychologist or therapist. I hope you can find someone who actually works with people who have AS. His day needs to be very structured with very consistent rules.</p><p></p><p>I am living this hyper-vigilant life you are living too...and it is very very stressful. I have no others in my house to get in the mix though, and so you have the added challenge of all of you learning about his issues (and of course he has things to learn too, but for now your learning curve will be steeper of course, this is new to him too). </p><p></p><p>I could totally relate to this:</p><p></p><p></p><p>Really, I can relate to the whole thing from earlier. Here is what I have learned and what now my son's new school even mentioned right away after one week of knowing him. Our kids need to learn consequences to some degree, yes, that is true. But the thing is they get devastated and can't think of any rational way to get out of things ...very rigid, very black and white and what can happen for some kids is a consequence where things are taken away or prevented totally, they fall apart and can't move on. They can only obsess about what they want and their world is over because they will NEVER get it back........ So, the teachers said to me just last Fri, we have noticed if we say "if you do x you will not be able to do y and then we have lost him for the entire day" </p><p></p><p>YUP, that is what happens for me too. How I have to manage it is to do things like.... you have lost five minutes of NASCAR ...or 15 minutes...or we have to wait 20 minutes to see if you can stay calm before going outside (our current issue/obsession). It is enough to change his mind set. That is really the goal for now. When things are not in a crisis time, that is when the teaching for other skills happens--when we work on how to be calm, bio feedback, deep breathing, follow rules...etc. </p><p></p><p>Same for earning things....he needs to be able to earn something in a foreseeable future, not so far away that they have a "whats the point, my world is over for today anyway". There are just some really rigid things that with some other disabilities you can talk kids out of, but kids on the spectrum that can be a symptom that just will not go away, we have to help them learn but it wont happen easily and may not happen at all. </p><p></p><p>Once in crisis it is time to just get your way out of it, as you are doing...but our goal of course is to prevent this and that means a whole new way of operating. In your case with other family members and it already being to a point where other kids could be seriously (not to mention you and husband ....and in the end difficult child too if husband and you have to restrain etc.) hurt. So I am not saying this will work for you too (shortening times, etc...) I am just sharing how I can relate and that when I end in a huge battle I can often look back and see that I have not followed the rule of it can't be "forever" or an undefined or a too long amount of time.</p><p></p><p>Of course there are other things, medications, illness, seizures etc. that can cause issues too and it is a constant dance. But for that one issue, I can count on a meltdown....repeated meltdowns.</p><p></p><p>In the end......"there aint no easy answers to nothin'......" and you may have to be thinking of an out of home placement at this point, or intensive PCA services for him in home or Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) or........???? whatever you decide we are here for you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 526191, member: 12886"] I agree with the others, a huge difference for you is just catching up on what is going on with him and even with years of experience there are days like this so your job is exponentially harder. It is true they are often calmer once to the hospital or when the police even show up. One thing that can help if you are in an area where they dont listen to you....take video. I haven't had that experience, even when Q was calm he can't stop admitting what he did or saying what he would like to do so they all believe me. But for us, the justice system would be a waste of time, he is too low functioning to really learn much and actually would just pick up behaviors from being around others...has no clue how to navigate normal things socially so this would not work. Still if unsafe I have to do what I have to do. I have two psychologists who work with us, one at home one in counseling at a brain injury/developmental disorder clinic...they both specialize in Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) and I have to tell you we have fired or had disasters with any other psychologist or therapist. I hope you can find someone who actually works with people who have AS. His day needs to be very structured with very consistent rules. I am living this hyper-vigilant life you are living too...and it is very very stressful. I have no others in my house to get in the mix though, and so you have the added challenge of all of you learning about his issues (and of course he has things to learn too, but for now your learning curve will be steeper of course, this is new to him too). I could totally relate to this: Really, I can relate to the whole thing from earlier. Here is what I have learned and what now my son's new school even mentioned right away after one week of knowing him. Our kids need to learn consequences to some degree, yes, that is true. But the thing is they get devastated and can't think of any rational way to get out of things ...very rigid, very black and white and what can happen for some kids is a consequence where things are taken away or prevented totally, they fall apart and can't move on. They can only obsess about what they want and their world is over because they will NEVER get it back........ So, the teachers said to me just last Fri, we have noticed if we say "if you do x you will not be able to do y and then we have lost him for the entire day" YUP, that is what happens for me too. How I have to manage it is to do things like.... you have lost five minutes of NASCAR ...or 15 minutes...or we have to wait 20 minutes to see if you can stay calm before going outside (our current issue/obsession). It is enough to change his mind set. That is really the goal for now. When things are not in a crisis time, that is when the teaching for other skills happens--when we work on how to be calm, bio feedback, deep breathing, follow rules...etc. Same for earning things....he needs to be able to earn something in a foreseeable future, not so far away that they have a "whats the point, my world is over for today anyway". There are just some really rigid things that with some other disabilities you can talk kids out of, but kids on the spectrum that can be a symptom that just will not go away, we have to help them learn but it wont happen easily and may not happen at all. Once in crisis it is time to just get your way out of it, as you are doing...but our goal of course is to prevent this and that means a whole new way of operating. In your case with other family members and it already being to a point where other kids could be seriously (not to mention you and husband ....and in the end difficult child too if husband and you have to restrain etc.) hurt. So I am not saying this will work for you too (shortening times, etc...) I am just sharing how I can relate and that when I end in a huge battle I can often look back and see that I have not followed the rule of it can't be "forever" or an undefined or a too long amount of time. Of course there are other things, medications, illness, seizures etc. that can cause issues too and it is a constant dance. But for that one issue, I can count on a meltdown....repeated meltdowns. In the end......"there aint no easy answers to nothin'......" and you may have to be thinking of an out of home placement at this point, or intensive PCA services for him in home or Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) or........???? whatever you decide we are here for you. [/QUOTE]
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