Idiots. My only word left. I hate everybody.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by buddy, Mar 5, 2012.

  1. buddy

    buddy New Member

    In this SD.

    So, I went to the high school and they bring me to the CIP class to watch them teach a large group of CIP kids, first science then current events. OK fine, he has NEVER been in a class like that so are you trying to show me it wont work? THen they show me the sensory room. IT is a divided old conference room that has a swing in the middle (good) and some couches. NOT a sensory room. Just a relaxation/break room. So dumb.

    I am with the asst. principal (equivalent to mr. sp. ed. admin) and the psychologist who visited when we had the independent FBA meeting a few months ago.... and the sp ed coordinator. We went to see the Developmental Coordination Disorder (DCD) class and it is an open class at the end of a hall with a mainstream class on the other side of shelves. REALLY???? They showed me the art room and cooking room etc.... ok, those were fine, normal. He would need support. They said dont you think the noise in these halls would bother him? Well he is always dismissed before the gen population anyway. He has never been a kid who goes running thru halls screaming and yelling, Sp ed coordinator was making it look like he runs thru halls swearing at people. Never happened. Those things have only happened in his class at times of frustration, or in his private office space.

    What I asked repeatedly about was the functional work skill stuff. Well they have to learn skills here first, we have this ONE program where they learn to make note pads. ALL YEAR same thing over and over and over.


    I said well I had hoped before the IEP tomorrow we would see other sites but (and she was standing there) this was the only site arranged for. She said, well all the highschools are the same. NO they are NOT. I said, they were all built at different times and have classes in different spots and it would make a huge difference. they said there is one older building that has all enclosed rooms. WELL then, THAT is what we need to go see.

    I said, LOOK, he has NEVER learned in a group, why are you acting like this is a sudden change and making it seem like he all of a sudden is this different kid???

    WHAT ideas (if you take SUN out of it) do you have for him? THIS IS WHAT I NEED FOR HIM.. so then they started talking about some joint sp ed gen ed activity programs after school that this being his home school, he could still participate in. ok. ONE idea... that seems to happen about three times per year.


    I feel like throwing up.
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    First, gentle {{hugs}}.
    You have to re-group, catch your breath.

    I can't believe that they are setting themselves up for...
    1) a major lawsuit
    2) a public relations fiasco
    But that's what is coming. One way or the other.
    THEIR doing, not yours.

    Meanwhile - did you get to see that other private school?
  3. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    These programs should only be run by people who have tried raising difficult children to become healthy independent adults. I don't think anyone else is truly qualified.
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    yeah, that would be a great idea. But I think God wouldn't entrust one of his precious difficult child's to their care at this point. I haven't seen the private school yet, they wont tour unless you are picked in the lottery. uggg.

    And every time I expressed my opinion I saw them do the thing where they non verbally looked at each other, as if I didn't notice...with their eyes widening, trying to say things like, well a building can only do so much blah blah blah. I said, I never asked you to do everything. I wanted to see what functional transition things you have. Well we usually dont start that till jr year. I don tcare what you usually do. What can we do for HIM? Those teachers are not here right now.

  5. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sending hugs. Was your advocate with you or did you have to face the idiot pack alone? it's a shame we all couldn't be standing beside you in person. DDD
  6. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I wish you would have been there for sure! I was alone.
  7. keista

    keista New Member


    I've taken to calling "them" fidiots. Makes me feel a bit better.
  8. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    School becomes required to FULLY fund the creation and operation of an independent school, set up to handle kids like Q, with you as the director. It MUST be housed "with" easy child-kids (not just TTs!), and will focus on bringing out the best in challenging kids.

    well, we can dream, can't we?
  9. buddy

    buddy New Member

    There is actually a charter school for high functioning Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)/Aspies that is a "reverse mainstream" model... so they recruit all students but the school is set up for Autism. Not a choice for Q but it is a really cool thing.
  10. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    It's not a choice for Q because... he isn't high-functioning enough?
    If that's the only reason, then... maybe that's a place to "add" a new program - to handle the Qs of the world?
  11. buddy

    buddy New Member

    OH for sure that is a place that is needed. These kids typically go from school to school every year. Never setting up roots unless they are shoved away some where.

    I just want to know how they can say.... he has these skill deficits (which by the way he doesn't...something has made them not working for him now but he generally has done really well in larger groups, walking in halls, etc. So it is NOT that he doesn't have the skills in him somewhere. It was a mismatch in the environment coupled with his medical issues this year I believe. I still think they could have helped him thru it if not for the admin but that is a moot point now....

    SO, how can they say, well he is not doing well in groups or a large setting and needs one on one teaching ..... well we will put him in a place where we avoid all of that... no chance to learn or regain those skills. Lots of chance to learn other fun stuff....

    Just hide him away for a long time until we can get rid of him (because they are planning to go till age 21 there they said (sun program that is). What happened to teaching skills, transition planning and LRE???
  12. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Don't do this on your own - need your advocate on-side.
    But is there any way to hunt down the other families?
    Maybe get a group-action of some sort going?
  13. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I think they are already putting together a systemic complaint because there are so many of us. Really sad. I felt like they were patronizing me and I was ready to kick them all. One thing about the SUN program, I think I would do better. I liked the staff there and I doubt I would get all the daily phone calls. but I am trying to do the right thing here for Q. oh... I have an appointment, see you later...

  14. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    I'm so sorry, Buddy. It sounds like they are doing nothing to help Q. I wish I had some answers or magic words that could help you.
  15. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    They don't start transition stuff until jr. year. So the IDEA requirement that a transition plan be developed at 16 is... what? Just an exercise in futility? Practice for the adults? I admire your restraint in having *not* gone completely off on them. (And check your state regs - I believe in IL, state law said transition planning had to start at 14-1/2. Another loophole is that IDEA says they can start earlier if IEP team determines it's appropriate - I think you can certainly make a strong argument that it's appropriate. Either way, the IEP that is in effect when child turns 16 *must* have transition plan and *measurable transition* goals).

    I'd send a letter of understanding re: this visit, including that wonderful admission that they don't even start working on transition skills until jr. year. Just a factual little note, certified, with the request that it be filed in Q's permanent school record.

    I'm so sorry. What you're describing sounds so similar to what was offered to Boo, aka absolutely nothing practical, reasonable, functional, or in any way, shape, or form useful.

    A suggestion though - are there any adult programs in the area for folks with- brain injuries? UCP had an adult program for people with similar cognitive abilities/physical impairments as Boo that SD paid for the last 4 years he was in "school" (aka day care) starting at age 17. It was just wonderful - for the first time since we moved to this gawdforsaken state, he was treated like the young man he is, rather than a potted plant.

    It may be time to network with- other parents. It will probably take a lot of effort on your part, but I'd start with ARC or a local disability advocacy group. I *know* it feels like you're having to reinvent the wheel, but Q is absolutely not the first kid with his collection of needs, behaviors, diagnoses, and underlying causes.

    I think that there is supposed to be a transition specialist in each SD. That person should be part of his IEP mtgs. If he/she is not there tomorrow, I'd request another mtg (don't throw things at me ;) ) that will include him/her. If you get the "we don't do that until jr. year" fertilizer again, tell them that IDEA says they do. Period. I just checked the regs, and if you really want to hold their feet to the fire, insist that they "must invite a representative of any participating agency that is likely to be responsible for providing or paying for transition services." IOW dept of mental health or developmental disabilities or rehab or whatever it's called in your state. Disclaimer - I have yet to set eyes on anyone who represents any of these depts, LOL. Not while Boo was in school, nor in the year and a half since he's been out. IL takes "we don't do that" to a whole new level. ;) And of course difficult child didn't need or want those services and the transition team were only following the law (*major* sarcasm here) by following difficult child's wishes. Gag.

    Anyhoo.... document, network, and I'd really recommend you thoroughly read thru the transition section of IDEA, because I really doubt your SD is going to do what they're supposed to be doing.

    And hang in there and take *good* care of yourself. It's a bear of a battle.
  16. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Ohhh, I'm so sorry. And I've heard so many good things about MN. If that's one of the better ones ... argh!

    Keista, I love "fidiots"!!! lol.
  17. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    I'm so sorry Buddy.
  18. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    TerryJ, even in the BEST there is at least one "worst". Overall, SDs here are pretty good but we do have a few that are behind the times and Buddy and I just happen to live in those districts.

    Buddy,I agree with what the others have said. Read through the transitions part of IDEA so you can quote verbatim to them. I am sorry it was such a disappointment. When they bring up his "issues" that aren't, I would remind them that he used to have those skills but THEY took the opportunities for him to use them away so THEY need to fic the problems THEY caused in the settings he was exposed to before when he did have the skills. It's their fault he's forgotten how. Yes, I think they are purposely setting you and Q up to 1)give up and go away or 2)decide you HAVE to do it their way. Please let your advocate work with and for you to make them do their JOB!!

  19. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I'm on my phone so ill write later but transition starts (in MN anyway ) at FOURTEEN ....and q is 15
  20. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    May the fleas of a million camels nest in their pubic hair and be totally immune to all pest control methods. May all the roaches from the nastiest poor areas of all the major cities move into their homes. May all of the rats from a major city choose their homes to live and breed in and to share various types of plagues with them.

    And when they are old, may they become trapped in a body that does not do what they want it to and may they have people who treat them like potted plants and make up stories about them and isolate them from every positive influence that they ever thought or dreamed of. May they be AWARE of this and frustrated and angered by it and may people treat them l ike they are CHOOSING to create problems and not behave as expected.

    I would call them fidiots, but it would give the toher fidiots a bad name.

    Buddy, this is going to be a battle. They are NOT going to want your advocate there, or for you to have ANY support. If you are alone they think they can bulldoze you. Please invest in a recorder to record ALL meetings at least verbally. You do NOT have to tell them you are recording. ONE party of a conversation or meeting must be aware and if you are in that discussion/meeting/whatever, you are that person.

    Slsh has great advice and suggestions and I would follow them. Also, if Sheila is around or anyone can contact her, she might be a resource. I don't know if she is around or would be willing, but she might be if someone can contact her. Her info and suggestions were a HUGE help in getting our SD to provide what Wiz needed. She even helped me get them to have Wiz skip a grade so that he would not go to our middle school again - after they had flat out said that htey would NEVER allow it. The sp ed forum archives are full of help for situations and might be helpful to you.

    Please get someone to go to meetings with the school people for all future meetings. I know sometimes it is hard to drag someone with you, but otherwise it is your word against the teachers. Also record meetings. I am sure someone here can help you figure out how to get your phone to record or to get some other device to record.

    Sending many gentle hugs and tons of support and a whole lot of love to you and Q. Also sending hexes to those in the SD who are so clearly determined to NOT provide Q with what he has a RIGHT to have.

    As you make the decisions, remember that if the people won't even TRY to work with you, then there is no way the placement woudl work. Even if the sun program were totally unsuitabel but had the staff that you could work with, it would still be better than this place would bei f this place had all the latest and greatest equipment.