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Well, said, Susie.  I can relate.  My kids' dad lets their stepmom treat them like trash and won't stand up to her because he is afraid of her.  in my humble opinion he is just as much the abuser as her.  Maybe even more so, since he is their biological dad.  Sounds like poor J and his sister are going through hell.  Of course I don't know them, but I feel bad for them.  I really do.  Just reading this story breaks my heart.