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Substance Abuse
If only someone had the answer
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 724273" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi. I am sorry for all this. Most of us were/are parents of adult children with drug addiction. Unfortunately, your brother sensed you are a kind, vulnerable target and you took on a parental role with him at a very young age. This is hard even for mature adults and you were just a kid when this started.</p><p></p><p>You are not responsible for your brother's horrible choices. You cant help him or change him. Only he can do that. I would stop dealing with his stuff. It just keeps him using you and it is making you sick. You have to love and care for yourself first. I know this probably sounds selfish. When I first heard this, i was horrified. But the truth is, we are not strong for anyone else if we dont value ourselves.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes the kindest thing we can do for a loved one who is making bad decisions, esecially addiction, is to walk away. Rescuing the person who is addicted encourages that person to keep using drugs AND to keep calling YOU for help. When you feel bad and give in, that is enabling the addict. And it stems from something called codependency. You are a good person so you feel desperate to fix your loved one and cant get away without feeling guilt. Three suggestions for you.</p><p></p><p>Get your hands on the book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie and read every word. Every single word. Drink it all in. Then go to the Parent Emeritus forum and this Substance Abuse forum nd read the questions and answers. Read, read, read. You will gain much wisdom. Third, join Al Anon. You need real time help. You need to stop feeling that it is your responsibility to save your family members. You cant do it. Only the person can save himself/herself. But addicts are manipulative and will tell you that their life is in your hands. It isnt. Their life is in their hands only. Next time your brother threatens suicide call 911 and back off. He is probably just trying to make you do something for him. Just to be safe, call professional help. Dont play that mean game.</p><p></p><p>I hope you can learn from our experiences. Perhaps therapy would help you too. Keep osting. We are always here, 24/7.</p><p></p><p>And, yes, prison may help him, but that is up to him, not you. Moving to your own place may be needed so you can get hrlp and heal from all the trauma.</p><p></p><p>Love and hugs. Others will answer too.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 724273, member: 1550"] Hi. I am sorry for all this. Most of us were/are parents of adult children with drug addiction. Unfortunately, your brother sensed you are a kind, vulnerable target and you took on a parental role with him at a very young age. This is hard even for mature adults and you were just a kid when this started. You are not responsible for your brother's horrible choices. You cant help him or change him. Only he can do that. I would stop dealing with his stuff. It just keeps him using you and it is making you sick. You have to love and care for yourself first. I know this probably sounds selfish. When I first heard this, i was horrified. But the truth is, we are not strong for anyone else if we dont value ourselves. Sometimes the kindest thing we can do for a loved one who is making bad decisions, esecially addiction, is to walk away. Rescuing the person who is addicted encourages that person to keep using drugs AND to keep calling YOU for help. When you feel bad and give in, that is enabling the addict. And it stems from something called codependency. You are a good person so you feel desperate to fix your loved one and cant get away without feeling guilt. Three suggestions for you. Get your hands on the book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie and read every word. Every single word. Drink it all in. Then go to the Parent Emeritus forum and this Substance Abuse forum nd read the questions and answers. Read, read, read. You will gain much wisdom. Third, join Al Anon. You need real time help. You need to stop feeling that it is your responsibility to save your family members. You cant do it. Only the person can save himself/herself. But addicts are manipulative and will tell you that their life is in your hands. It isnt. Their life is in their hands only. Next time your brother threatens suicide call 911 and back off. He is probably just trying to make you do something for him. Just to be safe, call professional help. Dont play that mean game. I hope you can learn from our experiences. Perhaps therapy would help you too. Keep osting. We are always here, 24/7. And, yes, prison may help him, but that is up to him, not you. Moving to your own place may be needed so you can get hrlp and heal from all the trauma. Love and hugs. Others will answer too. [/QUOTE]
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