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If there is someone that would be my friend...I would be grateful.
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<blockquote data-quote="Isla" data-source="post: 654178" data-attributes="member: 18941"><p>Hi Susan, I wish I could make sense of all of it and I guess that's the problem, trying to rationalise the irrational. Where does the love go? Nowhere I suspect. You keep loving, you just don't express it in trying to make things different from how they are, but that's not helpful is it. I guess also expressing the sorrow in our hearts to those who have felt the same sorrow, won't alone heal us.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Do you recall the feeling you had the very first time you saw your son? I was only 21 when my daughter was born and that magical experience of feeling "pure love" took me by surprise. I had never felt so alive, I could not believe anyone could feel such a bond. It was more natural than breathing, it woke me up "spiritually". I knew my life purpose was to devote my life to my daughter and do everything humanly possible to give her all the tools, and gentle guidance to help her discover her full potential. I did not want her to be a "little me", I wanted her to become all SHE could be. I knew innately I was meant to love her unconditionally (I read a lot of M Scott-Peck and Gerry Jampolski in those days). The thing is I just had not considered that I had actually placed "conditions" on that unconditional love. What I had wished for would turn out (at least for now) to be far from MY ideal for her.</p><p></p><p>My daughter has asked me so many times to be out of her life. She would never give me a reason so I stopped reasoning. The day I honoured her wish was the day I realised how much I truly do love her. I struggle with it every day, but deep down inside I know I am doing the right thing by her. It's not comfortable though is it?</p><p></p><p>It seems likely my granddaughter will also no longer be the huge part of my life that she has been, and I must say I find that possibility unbearable. Where do I put that love? When I think of the moments which touched my soul. The best protection is to train my brain not to allow my mind to get too carried away and the hardest lesson of all is accepting, what will be, will be.</p><p></p><p>Søren Kierkegaard's quote has always rung true to me, that being; "<strong>Life</strong> <strong>can</strong> <strong>only</strong> <strong>be</strong> understood backward, but it must <strong>be</strong> <strong>lived</strong> <strong>forward" </strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong></strong></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Isla, post: 654178, member: 18941"] Hi Susan, I wish I could make sense of all of it and I guess that's the problem, trying to rationalise the irrational. Where does the love go? Nowhere I suspect. You keep loving, you just don't express it in trying to make things different from how they are, but that's not helpful is it. I guess also expressing the sorrow in our hearts to those who have felt the same sorrow, won't alone heal us. Do you recall the feeling you had the very first time you saw your son? I was only 21 when my daughter was born and that magical experience of feeling "pure love" took me by surprise. I had never felt so alive, I could not believe anyone could feel such a bond. It was more natural than breathing, it woke me up "spiritually". I knew my life purpose was to devote my life to my daughter and do everything humanly possible to give her all the tools, and gentle guidance to help her discover her full potential. I did not want her to be a "little me", I wanted her to become all SHE could be. I knew innately I was meant to love her unconditionally (I read a lot of M Scott-Peck and Gerry Jampolski in those days). The thing is I just had not considered that I had actually placed "conditions" on that unconditional love. What I had wished for would turn out (at least for now) to be far from MY ideal for her. My daughter has asked me so many times to be out of her life. She would never give me a reason so I stopped reasoning. The day I honoured her wish was the day I realised how much I truly do love her. I struggle with it every day, but deep down inside I know I am doing the right thing by her. It's not comfortable though is it? It seems likely my granddaughter will also no longer be the huge part of my life that she has been, and I must say I find that possibility unbearable. Where do I put that love? When I think of the moments which touched my soul. The best protection is to train my brain not to allow my mind to get too carried away and the hardest lesson of all is accepting, what will be, will be. Søren Kierkegaard's quote has always rung true to me, that being; "[B]Life[/B] [B]can[/B] [B]only[/B] [B]be[/B] understood backward, but it must [B]be[/B] [B]lived[/B] [B]forward" [/B] [/QUOTE]
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