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If there is someone that would be my friend...I would be grateful.
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 655621" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>It seems as if I am learning how to go through the motions of detachment parenting....but the consensus is that I have not yet given up the habit of surrendering my entire emotional space to my son.</p><p></p><p>I have surrendered my emotional life to playing out reactions not only to what my son does, decides to do or considers doing, but to a generalized fear, preoccupation, dread, and worry about what he could do, what could happen.</p><p></p><p>As bad or worse I have yielded my identity to his.</p><p></p><p>I am trying to go back to dancing and found a good teacher. I found myself wanting to tell him about my son...as if this...more than anything else in my life defines me. No other attribute. No other competency. No other achievement defines me now, except for my son.</p><p></p><p>As if nothing else defines me except what? The vulnerability of my child. My failing to protect or adequately rear my child.</p><p></p><p>For a long while after my Mother's death....her life and death defined me. Now my son.</p><p></p><p>I came home this morning to a message on the machine. I pressed play. The mechanical voice said my mother's name, first and last. For a second I prayed it would be a message from her. (From the grave? What was I thinking?) It was a credit bureau...seeking payment for a debt. My mother's identity and mine, were both stolen at the time of her death.)</p><p></p><p>Identity theft. My identity has been stolen. I have given it away.</p><p></p><p>A therapist I talked to asked me if this could be a displacement. That is, am I using this preoccupation with my son in order to avoid dealing with some other concern in my life.</p><p></p><p>I answered, I believe I would be happy IF NOT FOR THIS. And it is this potential for happiness, so close, that I cannot tolerate. My default in my family is to not claim the space of contentment, enough, satisfaction....because others better need it, or worse still, demand it...and it is my role to give up myself...so that they might live.</p><p></p><p>I do not know the steps to take from here....so I will play Hallelujah by KD yet again.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 655621, member: 18958"] It seems as if I am learning how to go through the motions of detachment parenting....but the consensus is that I have not yet given up the habit of surrendering my entire emotional space to my son. I have surrendered my emotional life to playing out reactions not only to what my son does, decides to do or considers doing, but to a generalized fear, preoccupation, dread, and worry about what he could do, what could happen. As bad or worse I have yielded my identity to his. I am trying to go back to dancing and found a good teacher. I found myself wanting to tell him about my son...as if this...more than anything else in my life defines me. No other attribute. No other competency. No other achievement defines me now, except for my son. As if nothing else defines me except what? The vulnerability of my child. My failing to protect or adequately rear my child. For a long while after my Mother's death....her life and death defined me. Now my son. I came home this morning to a message on the machine. I pressed play. The mechanical voice said my mother's name, first and last. For a second I prayed it would be a message from her. (From the grave? What was I thinking?) It was a credit bureau...seeking payment for a debt. My mother's identity and mine, were both stolen at the time of her death.) Identity theft. My identity has been stolen. I have given it away. A therapist I talked to asked me if this could be a displacement. That is, am I using this preoccupation with my son in order to avoid dealing with some other concern in my life. I answered, I believe I would be happy IF NOT FOR THIS. And it is this potential for happiness, so close, that I cannot tolerate. My default in my family is to not claim the space of contentment, enough, satisfaction....because others better need it, or worse still, demand it...and it is my role to give up myself...so that they might live. I do not know the steps to take from here....so I will play Hallelujah by KD yet again. [/QUOTE]
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If there is someone that would be my friend...I would be grateful.
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