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Parent Emeritus
"If you don't care, why should I?" Is this TOO tough?
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<blockquote data-quote="keista" data-source="post: 447877" data-attributes="member: 11965"><p>Ah, NO! in my opinion you passed the early stages a LONG time ago. 3 arrests? can't do a 3day weekend with the fam without pot? Handing over your home AND vehicle to who knows who? These are NOT signs of 'early stages' in my opinion you have a full blown addict on your hands.</p><p></p><p>Hopeless? NO. The advice you have been given by others is top notch! You need to set FIRM rules and FIRM consequences and FOLLOW THROUGH on them. Sounds as if you are hoping that if your set the new rules, he will magically think "Hey she's serious this time, maybe I'll listen, get help and do better" He might, IF, in the past, you ALWAYS followed through with your 'threats'.</p><p> </p><p>I went back and read your two previous threads (I was on vacation when you posted) And the MOST HOPEFUL post came from a member's own personal experience. (mrsammler June23) He sounds like he was EXACTLY where your son is, and he worked himself out of it ONLY AFTER his dad booted him out the door.</p><p></p><p>Happy endings? I read TONS of them on this forum, BUT I can only suppose they are NOT the kind of happy endings you are looking for. The happy endings here are very small victories after YEARS of struggles. This may be what you perceive as the hopelessness here. What you have to remember about this forum (as mentioned by Hound dog on your first post) is that most parents here have been struggling with their kid's issues from a VERY early age. Some recognized problems as early as birth - at least in hindsight. What most of us wouldn't do for a child that would at least occasionally help out around the house! When one of our difficult children do help out, at least once, that is a HUGE victory for us.</p><p></p><p>There are a few members here who have in their signatures easy child(formerly difficult child). Those are the BIG happy endings here, and it does and can happen, but again, generally not without YEARS of struggles.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You will know when he comes and tells you that he has a job, a decent place to live, respectable friends, and with any luck a "hey, Mom, Dad, thanks for making me get out on my own. Life IS good" If the happy ending doesn't materialize, at least he is out of your home, and those of you left there are safe from his antics. </p><p></p><p>He is an ADULT. It is HIS life to do with as he pleases. As long as you are "catching" him when he falls and "allowing" him to continue using drugs, he has NO reason to stop</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="keista, post: 447877, member: 11965"] Ah, NO! in my opinion you passed the early stages a LONG time ago. 3 arrests? can't do a 3day weekend with the fam without pot? Handing over your home AND vehicle to who knows who? These are NOT signs of 'early stages' in my opinion you have a full blown addict on your hands. Hopeless? NO. The advice you have been given by others is top notch! You need to set FIRM rules and FIRM consequences and FOLLOW THROUGH on them. Sounds as if you are hoping that if your set the new rules, he will magically think "Hey she's serious this time, maybe I'll listen, get help and do better" He might, IF, in the past, you ALWAYS followed through with your 'threats'. I went back and read your two previous threads (I was on vacation when you posted) And the MOST HOPEFUL post came from a member's own personal experience. (mrsammler June23) He sounds like he was EXACTLY where your son is, and he worked himself out of it ONLY AFTER his dad booted him out the door. Happy endings? I read TONS of them on this forum, BUT I can only suppose they are NOT the kind of happy endings you are looking for. The happy endings here are very small victories after YEARS of struggles. This may be what you perceive as the hopelessness here. What you have to remember about this forum (as mentioned by Hound dog on your first post) is that most parents here have been struggling with their kid's issues from a VERY early age. Some recognized problems as early as birth - at least in hindsight. What most of us wouldn't do for a child that would at least occasionally help out around the house! When one of our difficult children do help out, at least once, that is a HUGE victory for us. There are a few members here who have in their signatures easy child(formerly difficult child). Those are the BIG happy endings here, and it does and can happen, but again, generally not without YEARS of struggles. You will know when he comes and tells you that he has a job, a decent place to live, respectable friends, and with any luck a "hey, Mom, Dad, thanks for making me get out on my own. Life IS good" If the happy ending doesn't materialize, at least he is out of your home, and those of you left there are safe from his antics. He is an ADULT. It is HIS life to do with as he pleases. As long as you are "catching" him when he falls and "allowing" him to continue using drugs, he has NO reason to stop [/QUOTE]
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"If you don't care, why should I?" Is this TOO tough?
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