I will make a long story short. My son is 19 and ready to start his freshman year of college. I truly believe I did everything I could do as a parent--all the drug, sex, alcohol talks. Always home for him, making sure he got his homework done, loved him, nurtured him, etc....All was well in high school. And then... First year of college, 3 arrests (1 for pot possession, 1 for trespassing, 1 for possible DUI-still awaiting drug tests). Got a "D" for unintentional plagiarism. Kicked out of dorms with 2 weeks left of school. Then he's home for the summer...Found pot and paraphernalia in his room at my house. Took him to counselor...agreed no more pot in MY house, car, etc. This past weekend the family goes on a 3 day trip (along with our son). While 4 hours from our home, find out that our son allowed his friends to use our house for the weekend! He presumably went and unlocked a door after I had made sure all was locked up tight. One kid was seen driving my husband's car!! There were kids and cars here Saturday afternoon, through the night and all day Sunday. I called the cops and they went to my house and found a few kids there. I can't press charges because my idiot son gave them permission! Unbelievable. Then to top it off, the next day I found a "water bong" in my son's wastebasket in his room at the house we were renting. It was a plastic water bottle with holes cut in the bottom...smelled like pot. So we go on a 3 day vacation and he can't go without pot. Actually brings some with him and smokes alone on our trip. Our agreement was if I found evidence in my home again, I would have him evaluated. (I consider the vacation home I rented an extension of my home.) Now I'm second guessing myself. If he doesn't care about himself, why should I? If he doesn't respect me or my wishes, or my home that I let him live in...why should I even try to help. I'd have to pay a counselor and someone to evaluate him. He'll lie to them again. He'll lie to me again. So why not just say forget it! I'm done raising you...take care of yourself, or don't, it's up to you. He has no job because he failed the drug test. He has no money, except the money his grandfather so generously saved for him for college. If he can't respect and honor his grandfather, why should I try to "help" him? He won't see it as help anyway, just me being a pain in the a** who doesn't know anything. He's scheduled to go back to college early August (about 4 hours away). I just want to say go and don't come back. No weekend visits. (Which he likes to do.) And if you don't straighten up, you can't live here next summer. Would adopting an attitude like this backfire on me?