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If you have personality disorders in your family, including difficult child...
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 628828" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Cedar, thank you so much for your wonderful posts that are so kind and helpful.</p><p></p><p>I did something today for ME. It was only for ME. This Sister thing was bothering me too much and I know that it's because when she was not scapegoating me we often had an understanding that only one who grows up in a loonybin can share.</p><p></p><p>But our memories of the loonybin are way different. She thinks she can't pick a good man because our dad was her first male experience and he is definitely a Narcissistic. She understands our mother and found her sympathetic and was not the least bit bothered at how she treated me. As I thought about this, I thought about how we were both so damaged by our parents, but in such a different way as to not REALLY be able to comfort one another. She is six and a half years younger than me so maybe it changed for her when I left. I don't know. But I see my mother as the problem, she sees my father as the problem. He's no peach, but he was never worse to me than anyone else and at times he was there when I needed him to be. </p><p></p><p>Sis and I have no interests in common...hers being fashion, gardening, cooking (although she is anorexic) and other such stuff. I have little to no interest in any of that...I like reading, writing, politics, kids animals, The Packers....except for having the same parents and living in the same loonybin we have nothing in common. So we spend too much time talking about the loonybin.</p><p></p><p>You know what? The only way to resolve this cycle of her contacting me and then going no contact for trite reasons and maybe even calling the cops on me (to me this a dangerous risk I take whenever I talk to her), I decide to take the decision whether or not to contact me out of her hands. I do not know if she read it, but I texted her. I can not remember word by word, but it went something like this. And since she claims she can't read long texts, I made them one/two liners.</p><p></p><p>I write to you with love, and you may not read it. But I did it for ME.</p><p></p><p>My serenity is very important to me. I can not have it when we are in touch.</p><p></p><p>I can not play the games of cut offs and cops anymore. I am done.</p><p></p><p>Please respect my boundary and not contact me again.</p><p></p><p>If you text me back, I may read it, but later, when I am able.</p><p></p><p>I think it is best for us both. I know it is for me. Wish you well.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I have felt better since I sent it. She has a habit of actually not reading stuff I send, but maybe she will. I said what I needed to say. I need to know she will not test my resolve or call me again. The games are over. I'm tired of them. If she does text, I am not going to respond. If she calls, same thing. And if per chance I accidentally don't check whose calling and it's her, I am going to say only a few things. They are taped to my computer, where I usually lput my phone.</p><p>"My serenity is important to me. I think it's best if we stay apart." *click" as she has done to me so many times.</p><p></p><p>The fear of wondering when she'll call next is gone, although I know I need to be on guard. But I'm not going to let her mess with my quiet life ever again.</p><p></p><p>Cedar, I can't help but be angry at myself. This is so simple. Why was I blind to it? At any rate, I'm attempting to put an end to it now. I never talk to my brother and I don't miss him. I'm sure that with time I won't miss my sister either.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 628828, member: 1550"] Cedar, thank you so much for your wonderful posts that are so kind and helpful. I did something today for ME. It was only for ME. This Sister thing was bothering me too much and I know that it's because when she was not scapegoating me we often had an understanding that only one who grows up in a loonybin can share. But our memories of the loonybin are way different. She thinks she can't pick a good man because our dad was her first male experience and he is definitely a Narcissistic. She understands our mother and found her sympathetic and was not the least bit bothered at how she treated me. As I thought about this, I thought about how we were both so damaged by our parents, but in such a different way as to not REALLY be able to comfort one another. She is six and a half years younger than me so maybe it changed for her when I left. I don't know. But I see my mother as the problem, she sees my father as the problem. He's no peach, but he was never worse to me than anyone else and at times he was there when I needed him to be. Sis and I have no interests in common...hers being fashion, gardening, cooking (although she is anorexic) and other such stuff. I have little to no interest in any of that...I like reading, writing, politics, kids animals, The Packers....except for having the same parents and living in the same loonybin we have nothing in common. So we spend too much time talking about the loonybin. You know what? The only way to resolve this cycle of her contacting me and then going no contact for trite reasons and maybe even calling the cops on me (to me this a dangerous risk I take whenever I talk to her), I decide to take the decision whether or not to contact me out of her hands. I do not know if she read it, but I texted her. I can not remember word by word, but it went something like this. And since she claims she can't read long texts, I made them one/two liners. I write to you with love, and you may not read it. But I did it for ME. My serenity is very important to me. I can not have it when we are in touch. I can not play the games of cut offs and cops anymore. I am done. Please respect my boundary and not contact me again. If you text me back, I may read it, but later, when I am able. I think it is best for us both. I know it is for me. Wish you well. I have felt better since I sent it. She has a habit of actually not reading stuff I send, but maybe she will. I said what I needed to say. I need to know she will not test my resolve or call me again. The games are over. I'm tired of them. If she does text, I am not going to respond. If she calls, same thing. And if per chance I accidentally don't check whose calling and it's her, I am going to say only a few things. They are taped to my computer, where I usually lput my phone. "My serenity is important to me. I think it's best if we stay apart." *click" as she has done to me so many times. The fear of wondering when she'll call next is gone, although I know I need to be on guard. But I'm not going to let her mess with my quiet life ever again. Cedar, I can't help but be angry at myself. This is so simple. Why was I blind to it? At any rate, I'm attempting to put an end to it now. I never talk to my brother and I don't miss him. I'm sure that with time I won't miss my sister either. [/QUOTE]
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