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If you have raised/are raising a daughter - HELP!
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 381540" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>Welcome to teendom with a female child. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/tongue.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":tongue:" title="tongue :tongue:" data-shortname=":tongue:" /></p><p></p><p>Unfortunately just about everything she is doing/attempting to do is normal. From here on out you're pretty much going to be the Bad Guy, the Totally Uncool Mom, and the Control Freak who wants nothing more than to destroy her life and make her as miserable as humanly possible.</p><p></p><p>I thank my lucky stars my 1st experience with this came with easy child and not Nichole. lol </p><p></p><p>1. Stick to your rules no matter how awful she manages to make you feel. (and you won't believe how awful they can actually make you feel)</p><p></p><p>2. From here on out you'll be subjected to bouts (if not constant) major attitude. Yes even from the best easy child in the world. You need to plan for it ahead of time and how you're going to nip it in the bud. Because I warn you now if you don't nip it in the bud it <em>WILL</em> get far worse.</p><p></p><p>3. Sure you told her she could wear makeup. But did you think to regulate <em><strong>how much</strong></em> makeup? Some parents can't tolerate the I Just Put On a Mask look. I didn't have much issue with it, I just kept telling the girls what my Grandma taught me........makeup looks best if no one can tell you're wearing it, which takes much practice and skill. And yeah, at this age easy child walked around with a major case of racoon eyes. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/Graemlins/rofl.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":rofl:" title="rofl :rofl:" data-shortname=":rofl:" /> Until this message.......and some people outside of the family gently told her she looked silly. Then Mom showed her the correct way to apply mascara ect. LOL Unlike many of her friends mothers........I never did the You're Not Leaving the House Looking Like That thing with makeup. It's a learning process and I tried to help my girls learn how to wear it correctly. With Nichole this went a bit easier because she was always around during easy child's learning process.</p><p></p><p>4. Boys. Oh the fun part. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/tongue.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":tongue:" title="tongue :tongue:" data-shortname=":tongue:" /> My girls weren't allowed to car date until 16. Any dating that came before that was only under parent supervision. And yeah I was the overbearing totally uncool Mom and I was ruining their social life. But I'm pretty creative and so are my girls so they could find lots of fun things to do even with Mom hanging around a safe distance away to make certain things didn't get out of hand. But here is the crappy part of this: Dont assume other parents have your standards. Don't assume that they'll be as vigilant with supervision as you will be. I learned this the hard way and that is how grandaughter Aubrey came to us. Nichole's boyfriend's parents aren't bad people.......they just slacked off enough to get us a grandchild. geez.</p><p></p><p>5. Dating. Decide the age. Decide the cerfew. Decide how you'll handle it if she brings home the difficult child from hades to meet you while having her head in the clouds from a major crush that has her believing she's in Love. Because odds are it's going to happen at least once during her dating years. And the golden rule with this: If you can't stand him, she'll fall head over heels for him. So it's best to start planning your game face for this situation a head of time. </p><p></p><p>6. Remember what it was like to be her age and try to make it easier on her when possible, while also remembering every single thing you or your friends did to dodge parental rules and do as they pleased.........so you can prevent the same sorts of things happening to you. Thankfully I was quite the difficult child as a teen and my kids got away with next to nothing. lol If they "slept over" at a friends I had to know the parents well, and those parents had to call and tell me she had arrived. My girls knew that I could and would call at random when they went to visit a friend just to make sure they were where they said they would be. This doesn't work well with cell phones, the reason why is a lesson for the student. lol</p><p></p><p>7. Clothing. This never became a major battle for us with either girl. Mostly because I never let it. I bought Nichole's clothes so she was never allowed anything too short or revealing. easy child did work from age 16 and she did buy her own clothes. But soon discovered that anything Mom disapproved of never made it back to her from the laundry. Instead it mysteriously came up missing. </p><p></p><p>8. Humor will be your best friend. </p><p></p><p>9. At age 15 you're going to swear your daughter has become possessed. It's the terrible 2's times 1000. At this age girls make you wonder why in hades you ever wanted children. She'll hate you at least 10 times a day, will be mad or crying everytime you turn around and trying to figure out what triggered either is fairly futile.</p><p></p><p>10. With all your rules and close supervision there will still be things your daughter will be able to get away with that you may or may not ever find out about until she's a mother herself. It happens, both with easy child's and difficult children. It's part of being a teen to attempt to dodge the rules as much as they can get away with and to do things to rebel against your authority. </p><p></p><p>Bottom line: It's not your job to be her friend. It's your job to keep her safe while she learns to become independent from you her parents. You will be her friend eventually, just not while she is under 18. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/tongue.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":tongue:" title="tongue :tongue:" data-shortname=":tongue:" /></p><p></p><p>Both my girls hated my rules. They hated that I caught them at everything they tried to do while their friends seemed to get away with murder. But now they tell me they needed those rules even though they didn't believe it at the time and have actually thanked me. We're super close and we have tons of fun together.</p><p></p><p>So sit down and start planning. You're in for one heck of a ride. But it does get better, I promise.</p><p></p><p>Hugs</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 381540, member: 84"] Welcome to teendom with a female child. :raspberry-tounge: Unfortunately just about everything she is doing/attempting to do is normal. From here on out you're pretty much going to be the Bad Guy, the Totally Uncool Mom, and the Control Freak who wants nothing more than to destroy her life and make her as miserable as humanly possible. I thank my lucky stars my 1st experience with this came with easy child and not Nichole. lol 1. Stick to your rules no matter how awful she manages to make you feel. (and you won't believe how awful they can actually make you feel) 2. From here on out you'll be subjected to bouts (if not constant) major attitude. Yes even from the best easy child in the world. You need to plan for it ahead of time and how you're going to nip it in the bud. Because I warn you now if you don't nip it in the bud it [I]WILL[/I] get far worse. 3. Sure you told her she could wear makeup. But did you think to regulate [I][B]how much[/B][/I] makeup? Some parents can't tolerate the I Just Put On a Mask look. I didn't have much issue with it, I just kept telling the girls what my Grandma taught me........makeup looks best if no one can tell you're wearing it, which takes much practice and skill. And yeah, at this age easy child walked around with a major case of racoon eyes. :rofl: Until this message.......and some people outside of the family gently told her she looked silly. Then Mom showed her the correct way to apply mascara ect. LOL Unlike many of her friends mothers........I never did the You're Not Leaving the House Looking Like That thing with makeup. It's a learning process and I tried to help my girls learn how to wear it correctly. With Nichole this went a bit easier because she was always around during easy child's learning process. 4. Boys. Oh the fun part. :raspberry-tounge: My girls weren't allowed to car date until 16. Any dating that came before that was only under parent supervision. And yeah I was the overbearing totally uncool Mom and I was ruining their social life. But I'm pretty creative and so are my girls so they could find lots of fun things to do even with Mom hanging around a safe distance away to make certain things didn't get out of hand. But here is the crappy part of this: Dont assume other parents have your standards. Don't assume that they'll be as vigilant with supervision as you will be. I learned this the hard way and that is how grandaughter Aubrey came to us. Nichole's boyfriend's parents aren't bad people.......they just slacked off enough to get us a grandchild. geez. 5. Dating. Decide the age. Decide the cerfew. Decide how you'll handle it if she brings home the difficult child from hades to meet you while having her head in the clouds from a major crush that has her believing she's in Love. Because odds are it's going to happen at least once during her dating years. And the golden rule with this: If you can't stand him, she'll fall head over heels for him. So it's best to start planning your game face for this situation a head of time. 6. Remember what it was like to be her age and try to make it easier on her when possible, while also remembering every single thing you or your friends did to dodge parental rules and do as they pleased.........so you can prevent the same sorts of things happening to you. Thankfully I was quite the difficult child as a teen and my kids got away with next to nothing. lol If they "slept over" at a friends I had to know the parents well, and those parents had to call and tell me she had arrived. My girls knew that I could and would call at random when they went to visit a friend just to make sure they were where they said they would be. This doesn't work well with cell phones, the reason why is a lesson for the student. lol 7. Clothing. This never became a major battle for us with either girl. Mostly because I never let it. I bought Nichole's clothes so she was never allowed anything too short or revealing. easy child did work from age 16 and she did buy her own clothes. But soon discovered that anything Mom disapproved of never made it back to her from the laundry. Instead it mysteriously came up missing. 8. Humor will be your best friend. 9. At age 15 you're going to swear your daughter has become possessed. It's the terrible 2's times 1000. At this age girls make you wonder why in hades you ever wanted children. She'll hate you at least 10 times a day, will be mad or crying everytime you turn around and trying to figure out what triggered either is fairly futile. 10. With all your rules and close supervision there will still be things your daughter will be able to get away with that you may or may not ever find out about until she's a mother herself. It happens, both with easy child's and difficult children. It's part of being a teen to attempt to dodge the rules as much as they can get away with and to do things to rebel against your authority. Bottom line: It's not your job to be her friend. It's your job to keep her safe while she learns to become independent from you her parents. You will be her friend eventually, just not while she is under 18. :raspberry-tounge: Both my girls hated my rules. They hated that I caught them at everything they tried to do while their friends seemed to get away with murder. But now they tell me they needed those rules even though they didn't believe it at the time and have actually thanked me. We're super close and we have tons of fun together. So sit down and start planning. You're in for one heck of a ride. But it does get better, I promise. Hugs [/QUOTE]
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