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If you have raised/are raising a daughter - HELP!
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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 381542" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>I agree with the above posts. My easy child daughter is 11 1/2. My former step daughter is 17 now but was quite the little she devil by age 12. </p><p></p><p>My easy child? Well I didn't think this would come up for a LONG time as she's a deeply committed tom boy. But as mentioned above, there is a LOT of pressure on girls at this age at school. Even</p><p>amongst my easy child's peers in her hockey league. If not for that, I doubt my easy child would have been noticing boys for a long time. Even last year at 10, kids in her class had "boyfriends or girlfriends". Mostly</p><p>for them it meant they could giggle and pass notes at school, see each other on school grounds at recess and lunch. I couldn't believe it at the age of 10, but at least it was more a "status" thing than anything. This year, the kids are starting to "date". I find it unreal that some of these kids are running around with their best friends and going on group dates, but without anyone to know what is going on or watch over etc. Anyhow, easy child has had male friends for most of her life, being a tomboy. Myself and s/o, along with her dad and stepmom, have always allowed boys to come over. Now she is starting this school year to "crush" on her best "boy" friend. And I'm pretty sure it's reciprocated. She hinted the other night that she'd like to go to a movie or something with him. Until now, we'd just pick him up, take them out to lunch or here for lunch, go to a matinee with them, take him home. It was no different than a girl friend coming over really. With the advent of the whole "crushing" thing, well we've all had to think how to handle things at this young age etc.</p><p></p><p>So what we came up with was much the same as above. We'll be not emphasizing the whole "boyfriend" phrase. I mean, these kids will probably be enemies next week then friends the following anyhow. We've decided we wont' stress her using the term boyfriend (so long as it isn't a different "boyfriend" constantly etc). We've also decided that now that she's interested in boys "that" way, that things around her change. Boys aren't off the table, it just seems inadvisable to even try to ban her from nature taking its course. We will however guide her etc. Rather than putting down a list of "do not's", we've given her a bit of a relaxed talk. Told her that since she likes boys, all boys are treated the same if they are just friends or boyfriends now. That she can still spend time outside school with them but differently. If she wants to go to the movies with a boy, so long as their parent is ok with it, we can pick him up and we will attend a movie in another part of the theater while they see theirs. They will not leave the theater, we will watch them go in and be there when they come out. If we decide its ok for them to have food after, we will all go to the same place, sit a couple of tables away and do our own thing. Phone calls with boys are limited to no more than 30 minutes COMBINED per day. That can be adjusted as she gets older. She wants a cell for Christmas. We said sure. With the provision she does NOT pester for more of a plan than we are willing to get her. Which is a plan with a limited amount of texts per month, but also that locks incoming and outgoing texts beyond the limit until the calender month starts over again. We will also be keeping the phone with us after 9p.m. at night until the following morning. We will NOT take the phone as punishment unless she abuses the phone privledges. (In other words, the phone isn't taken for other things, ONLY if she breaks the phone rules). If we have to take the phone, it is for a entire calender month that we will suspend service. Third time, the phone is gone for good until she is old enough for a job to pay it herself. </p><p></p><p>My former step daughter had a mother who forbid her from boys etc. She found very creative ways to skirt around the rules, it was incredible that she continued to get away with it too. Kids are so smart these days especially if parents are busy and can't be around all the time to see whats what. By age 14 she had a 20 year old boyfriend. At age 17 now, her boyfriend of the moment is 38. She openly admits she tries to shock her mother because she found her mother too strict. She's talked to me about sex, but won't go to her mom even with assurance her mom would be ok talking to her about this etc. She's just dug her heels in based on resenting the flat out refusal in her mind for her mom to "get with the times" and see that she was growing up etc. Yikes!! I worry for her.</p><p></p><p>I wish you luck, every family finds their own way to cope with this stuff based on their own childs personality etc. I feel fortunate that easy child is one of those kids who wants to always be thought of as doing the right thing by myself and her dad and both step parents. I cringe to picture what will occur if she goes boy wild on me lol.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 381542, member: 4264"] I agree with the above posts. My easy child daughter is 11 1/2. My former step daughter is 17 now but was quite the little she devil by age 12. My easy child? Well I didn't think this would come up for a LONG time as she's a deeply committed tom boy. But as mentioned above, there is a LOT of pressure on girls at this age at school. Even amongst my easy child's peers in her hockey league. If not for that, I doubt my easy child would have been noticing boys for a long time. Even last year at 10, kids in her class had "boyfriends or girlfriends". Mostly for them it meant they could giggle and pass notes at school, see each other on school grounds at recess and lunch. I couldn't believe it at the age of 10, but at least it was more a "status" thing than anything. This year, the kids are starting to "date". I find it unreal that some of these kids are running around with their best friends and going on group dates, but without anyone to know what is going on or watch over etc. Anyhow, easy child has had male friends for most of her life, being a tomboy. Myself and s/o, along with her dad and stepmom, have always allowed boys to come over. Now she is starting this school year to "crush" on her best "boy" friend. And I'm pretty sure it's reciprocated. She hinted the other night that she'd like to go to a movie or something with him. Until now, we'd just pick him up, take them out to lunch or here for lunch, go to a matinee with them, take him home. It was no different than a girl friend coming over really. With the advent of the whole "crushing" thing, well we've all had to think how to handle things at this young age etc. So what we came up with was much the same as above. We'll be not emphasizing the whole "boyfriend" phrase. I mean, these kids will probably be enemies next week then friends the following anyhow. We've decided we wont' stress her using the term boyfriend (so long as it isn't a different "boyfriend" constantly etc). We've also decided that now that she's interested in boys "that" way, that things around her change. Boys aren't off the table, it just seems inadvisable to even try to ban her from nature taking its course. We will however guide her etc. Rather than putting down a list of "do not's", we've given her a bit of a relaxed talk. Told her that since she likes boys, all boys are treated the same if they are just friends or boyfriends now. That she can still spend time outside school with them but differently. If she wants to go to the movies with a boy, so long as their parent is ok with it, we can pick him up and we will attend a movie in another part of the theater while they see theirs. They will not leave the theater, we will watch them go in and be there when they come out. If we decide its ok for them to have food after, we will all go to the same place, sit a couple of tables away and do our own thing. Phone calls with boys are limited to no more than 30 minutes COMBINED per day. That can be adjusted as she gets older. She wants a cell for Christmas. We said sure. With the provision she does NOT pester for more of a plan than we are willing to get her. Which is a plan with a limited amount of texts per month, but also that locks incoming and outgoing texts beyond the limit until the calender month starts over again. We will also be keeping the phone with us after 9p.m. at night until the following morning. We will NOT take the phone as punishment unless she abuses the phone privledges. (In other words, the phone isn't taken for other things, ONLY if she breaks the phone rules). If we have to take the phone, it is for a entire calender month that we will suspend service. Third time, the phone is gone for good until she is old enough for a job to pay it herself. My former step daughter had a mother who forbid her from boys etc. She found very creative ways to skirt around the rules, it was incredible that she continued to get away with it too. Kids are so smart these days especially if parents are busy and can't be around all the time to see whats what. By age 14 she had a 20 year old boyfriend. At age 17 now, her boyfriend of the moment is 38. She openly admits she tries to shock her mother because she found her mother too strict. She's talked to me about sex, but won't go to her mom even with assurance her mom would be ok talking to her about this etc. She's just dug her heels in based on resenting the flat out refusal in her mind for her mom to "get with the times" and see that she was growing up etc. Yikes!! I worry for her. I wish you luck, every family finds their own way to cope with this stuff based on their own childs personality etc. I feel fortunate that easy child is one of those kids who wants to always be thought of as doing the right thing by myself and her dad and both step parents. I cringe to picture what will occur if she goes boy wild on me lol. [/QUOTE]
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