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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 706314" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Hi Lucy,</p><p>I'm just now getting caught up on some posts as I've been away from the site due to my mother in-laws passing.</p><p>Reading your story was like reading my own.</p><p>My son started out being a loving little boy but around age 12 the difficulties started. I too dealt with daily phone calls from school for him being disruptive in class or that he had ditched school all together.</p><p>Many episodes of him running away only to break into our house when we were at work so he could steal from us.</p><p>We also had a lock on our bedroom door. That afforded me "some" peace at night so I could sleep. We would lock the bedroom door when we went to work. We had to keep anything of value locked in our room. One day I had a call from the school, he was ditching again. I left work to come home, I saw him walking on our street, pulled to car over and told him to get in. He took of running, hopping neighbors fences. I knew I couldn't catch him so I went home and what I found was a hole about a foot wide in our bedroom door. He had taken a hammer and beat a hole through the door, went into our room, trashed it and stole our safe.</p><p>We tried counseling as a family - our son would go but would not participate.</p><p>He constantly blamed us for everything.</p><p>Drugging and drinking.</p><p>Getting arrested numerous times as a juvenile and adult (he has recently been arrested again)</p><p></p><p>I get it! I know the hell you are living through. My husband started out wanting to "give him another chance" but what started to change his attitude was that I was truly afraid of my son. I'm tall but when my son grew taller than me he would get right in my face and scream at me with his fists clenched. Of course my husband would say "I will not allow him to hurt you" but he began to realize he could not be with me all the time.</p><p>We should never have to be afraid to be in our own homes.</p><p></p><p>I wish I could tell you it will get better but no one knows how things will play out. I can tell you that I couldn't stand for my son to be around. Oh the guilt I carried over that! He's my one and only child and I didn't want him around. I have since come to understand that I had nothing to feel guilty about. For whatever reason my son, your son and many other sons and daughters push those who love them away and choose to live their lives without regard to how they are hurting those that love them.</p><p></p><p>With my son, he was court ordered out of our home because the judge feared for our safety. Our son was under 18 and was ordered into a group home from which he ran away and was then ordered into a juvenile detention for 1 year. I understand that where you live you will have to have him evicted to get him out of your home. Something you might need to consider is every time he threatens you to call the police and file charges against him. This might help in getting him out of your home.</p><p></p><p>There are some here that their adult kids have turned their lives around and live a more conventional type of life and there are those like me who's son continues to live on the edge. My son will spend his 35th birthday in jail. He managed to stay out of jail for a couple of years. I fear this time he will have to do some serious time as the charge against him is assault with a deadly weapon (knife).</p><p></p><p>As you can see, I've been dealing with this for many years. My husband and I have tried many times to help him. We have spent tens of thousands of dollars. We have done everything we could. We are all on separate journeys yet they are very similar, we walk alone, yet we have each other. We each come into our time of "having enough" and that may last for a year or two then we can backslide and try to help them again. There are no right or wrong answers to any of this. We each have to do what we can live with but the most important thing we need to do is to PROTECT OURSELVES AND FEEL SAFE.</p><p></p><p>If you have not done so already, you might consider reading some of our stories to your husband.</p><p></p><p>I'm glad that you seeking some counseling for yourself and are reaching out to Al-Anon. You will never be able to change your son but you can change yourself in how you respond to him. Setting clear strong boundaries is where you will find strength.</p><p></p><p>I'm so glad you are here with us. You will find needed support here without judgment.</p><p></p><p>Keep posting and keep reading.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there!!</p><p></p><p>((HUGS)) to you......................................</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 706314, member: 18516"] Hi Lucy, I'm just now getting caught up on some posts as I've been away from the site due to my mother in-laws passing. Reading your story was like reading my own. My son started out being a loving little boy but around age 12 the difficulties started. I too dealt with daily phone calls from school for him being disruptive in class or that he had ditched school all together. Many episodes of him running away only to break into our house when we were at work so he could steal from us. We also had a lock on our bedroom door. That afforded me "some" peace at night so I could sleep. We would lock the bedroom door when we went to work. We had to keep anything of value locked in our room. One day I had a call from the school, he was ditching again. I left work to come home, I saw him walking on our street, pulled to car over and told him to get in. He took of running, hopping neighbors fences. I knew I couldn't catch him so I went home and what I found was a hole about a foot wide in our bedroom door. He had taken a hammer and beat a hole through the door, went into our room, trashed it and stole our safe. We tried counseling as a family - our son would go but would not participate. He constantly blamed us for everything. Drugging and drinking. Getting arrested numerous times as a juvenile and adult (he has recently been arrested again) I get it! I know the hell you are living through. My husband started out wanting to "give him another chance" but what started to change his attitude was that I was truly afraid of my son. I'm tall but when my son grew taller than me he would get right in my face and scream at me with his fists clenched. Of course my husband would say "I will not allow him to hurt you" but he began to realize he could not be with me all the time. We should never have to be afraid to be in our own homes. I wish I could tell you it will get better but no one knows how things will play out. I can tell you that I couldn't stand for my son to be around. Oh the guilt I carried over that! He's my one and only child and I didn't want him around. I have since come to understand that I had nothing to feel guilty about. For whatever reason my son, your son and many other sons and daughters push those who love them away and choose to live their lives without regard to how they are hurting those that love them. With my son, he was court ordered out of our home because the judge feared for our safety. Our son was under 18 and was ordered into a group home from which he ran away and was then ordered into a juvenile detention for 1 year. I understand that where you live you will have to have him evicted to get him out of your home. Something you might need to consider is every time he threatens you to call the police and file charges against him. This might help in getting him out of your home. There are some here that their adult kids have turned their lives around and live a more conventional type of life and there are those like me who's son continues to live on the edge. My son will spend his 35th birthday in jail. He managed to stay out of jail for a couple of years. I fear this time he will have to do some serious time as the charge against him is assault with a deadly weapon (knife). As you can see, I've been dealing with this for many years. My husband and I have tried many times to help him. We have spent tens of thousands of dollars. We have done everything we could. We are all on separate journeys yet they are very similar, we walk alone, yet we have each other. We each come into our time of "having enough" and that may last for a year or two then we can backslide and try to help them again. There are no right or wrong answers to any of this. We each have to do what we can live with but the most important thing we need to do is to PROTECT OURSELVES AND FEEL SAFE. If you have not done so already, you might consider reading some of our stories to your husband. I'm glad that you seeking some counseling for yourself and are reaching out to Al-Anon. You will never be able to change your son but you can change yourself in how you respond to him. Setting clear strong boundaries is where you will find strength. I'm so glad you are here with us. You will find needed support here without judgment. Keep posting and keep reading. Hang in there!! ((HUGS)) to you...................................... [/QUOTE]
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