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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 706328" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>You have gotten good advise here from a host of others. I wanted to say hi and to reassure you that your response is normal, healthy and loving even. How could love be defined as accepting abuse, repeated threats and violence, degradation and disrespect. Where is love defined as synonymous with punching bag?</p><p></p><p>I believe we go into a shock-like response, a dissociative state, really, that characterizes people with PTSD. We do not allow ourselves the normal self-protective responses we would always engage in with others who mistreat us, because these are our babies: NOT. Some months back my now 28 year old son told me, "I can't believe you thought I did not love you. Who I did not love was myself."</p><p></p><p>The more you accept his mistreatment, the more angry and decompensated he will become. He wants you to set a limit. He is crying out for it. He needs it. This is HIS chance: the need to be responsible for what he does and its effects; and ultimately for himself.</p><p>I will tell you what I would do: I would stop any and all contact. I would write him an email or send him a text message and I would tell him: I will not accept being threatened or degraded by your speech and your behavior. Until you achieve self-control and decide to comport yourself towards me respectfully, I will have no contact with you.Every single time, please call 911. This is a felony in my own state. You do not help him by letting this go.</p><p></p><p>Many of us here have had to stop having contact with our children, myself included.</p><p></p><p>I am sure others have mentioned Al Anon. This would be a resource to help you in your journey to set limits and to also begin to reclaim your own life.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry you find yourself in this situation with the child you have loved most in the world. There is a way through this for you and for him. Unfortunately, the first step is self-protection which you have come to, and good for you.</p><p></p><p>Welcome. I hope you keep posting. It helps</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 706328, member: 18958"] You have gotten good advise here from a host of others. I wanted to say hi and to reassure you that your response is normal, healthy and loving even. How could love be defined as accepting abuse, repeated threats and violence, degradation and disrespect. Where is love defined as synonymous with punching bag? I believe we go into a shock-like response, a dissociative state, really, that characterizes people with PTSD. We do not allow ourselves the normal self-protective responses we would always engage in with others who mistreat us, because these are our babies: NOT. Some months back my now 28 year old son told me, "I can't believe you thought I did not love you. Who I did not love was myself." The more you accept his mistreatment, the more angry and decompensated he will become. He wants you to set a limit. He is crying out for it. He needs it. This is HIS chance: the need to be responsible for what he does and its effects; and ultimately for himself. I will tell you what I would do: I would stop any and all contact. I would write him an email or send him a text message and I would tell him: I will not accept being threatened or degraded by your speech and your behavior. Until you achieve self-control and decide to comport yourself towards me respectfully, I will have no contact with you.Every single time, please call 911. This is a felony in my own state. You do not help him by letting this go. Many of us here have had to stop having contact with our children, myself included. I am sure others have mentioned Al Anon. This would be a resource to help you in your journey to set limits and to also begin to reclaim your own life. I am sorry you find yourself in this situation with the child you have loved most in the world. There is a way through this for you and for him. Unfortunately, the first step is self-protection which you have come to, and good for you. Welcome. I hope you keep posting. It helps [/QUOTE]
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